FUNNIOSITIES.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1032, 4 February 1882, Page 4

FUNNIOSITIES.

“ A new way to pay old debts ” is to take the cash and pay them. When does a lock get ripe enough to pick ? As soon as the spring opens of course. A Chinaman named Od Tick is about to start a laundry in Detroit. This will leave no reasonable excuse for any one to fail to appear in a clean shirt on Sundays. An eye-opener : “ When the girl who had encouraged a young man for about two years suddenly tells him that she can) never be more than a sister to him, he can for the first time see the freckles on her nose, “ If Jones undertakes to pull my ears,” said a loud-mouthed fellow on a street corner, “ he will just have his hands full.” The crowd looked at the man’s ears and smiled. A Philadelphia clerk, who is somewhat smarter than his employer, was heard to remark the other day: “ Thank fortune, the boss has stopped advertising for the season I Now we will have a rest.” An Irishman got out of his carriage at a railway station for refreshments, but the bell rang and the train left before he had finished his repast. “ Hould on 1” cried Pat, as he ran like a madman after the car, “ hould on, ye murthen ould stame injin—ye’ve got a pussenger on board that’s left behind.” A promising youth, who had heard that the hiccoughs could be cured by administering a sudden shock of fright to the patient, tried it on his father, who had an attack while tipped back in a chair. The old gentleman went over backward, and kicked up quite a racket, especially when he regained his feet. Sonny goes to sleep on his side now, and says the old man can hiccough his old head off before he will ever try to cure him. Baby-shows are believed to be an American invention, but it was left to Austria to get up a nose-show. Eighty persons we are told, competed for tho prize offered for the most extraordinary nasal prominence in form, size and color. The jury decided that only three out of the whole could be admitted to compete for the prize, which was finally adjudged to a competitor from Vienna, possessed of what is stated to be a “gigantic nose of a deep violet-blue.”