A FIGHT WITH THE STARS.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume III, Issue 214, 17 October 1874, Page 2

A FIGHT WITH THE STARS.

(Danbury News.)

Spriggs had been hoeing his garden all the afternoon, had eaten a supper of magnificent proportions, and was now sitting on the porch of his house, reading an account of the newly discovered comet. His infant, a little graft from the older Spriggs, lay nestled in his lap asleep, and the partner of his “jaws” was playing “ pokay,” as Spriggs called the church billiards, on the lawn near by with Dusenbury’s wife, a neighbour. Spriggs eagerly devoured every intelligence respecting the comet, and finally considered his garden in danger, should the eccentric starry wanderer ever strike the earth; then he glanced elsewhere over the paper —at the last Congressional squall, the report of the Weather Bureau, the dog smothering iu New York, read a personal, “ Meet, me to-night, love, at the old place, with a dark lantern.—Alfred,” skipped “ A Horrible Murder!” also, “A Sickening Tragedy 1” pondered on a poem on “ Summer,” then his eyes closed and his head began to nod. The comet was the first thing he saw in his dream. Its head was as big as a house and lot, and its tail resembled a torch-light procession. It was just where he supposed it was —directly under the Camel Leopard. The comet seemed to see Spriggs about the time that Spriggs saw the comet, and “ made for ” him forthwith. Spriggs kept his eye on the comet for some time. On glancing aside he saw to his dismay that the Camel Leopard was coming for him too I This was a stunner. He could have dodged the comet, perhaps; but the Camel Leopard was 2 much.

The fact was, as I have intimated. Spriggs fell asleep. He had been readiug about the approaching comet for several days, and studying pictorial astronomical maps, and brightening up a good deal on heavenly matters generally, and lie probably never knew so much in his life about stars, as he did just before slumbering. He had contemplated going out that very night to observe the “ animals ” in the sky.

He dropped off, I say, with his mind ablaze with stars, his imagination full of astronomical animals, and a tremendous comet in his eye. If is therefore not to be wondered at that lie should see in the sky Taurus shaking his head and thrashing his tail from side to side. “If that bull starts,” murmured Spriggs, inwardly, “ I’m a goner." The bull started, jumping forty feet to a jump, murder in the first degree in its eye, emotional insanity gleaming along its horns, and its tail describing swift and monstrous circles in the air, as it thundered madly at Spriggs. The latter brightened up a little, however, on perceiving the Polar Star start after Taurus with a pole, but his heart sank within him when the great bear began to growl. “Oh Lordy!” groaned Spriggs, in his sleep, “ What shall Ido ?” The comet was rapily approaching. “If that comet hits me,” thought Spriggs, drawing himself up in his chair, “ Good-bye, John ” The bull was prancing along behind the comet at a tremendous pace, the Camel Leopard a length behind him, and the great bear and Polar star dashing along in the rear. “If I was a-buying pools ’’—thought Spriggs, with a grim smile—but the smile and the sentence faded away, at the glimpse of these new and formidable enemies. Mrs. Spriggs had just hit Mrs Dusenbury’s croquetball, sending it into the asparagus bed, making too wickets, and missing the post, when Spriggs described Hercules astride of Pegasus, and swinging a liberty pole; Cerberus, the little bear, and a choice selection of northern and southern constellations were following Hercules. As these hove in sight, Spriggs abandoned all hopes. With a look of resignation on his face, he faintly whispered, “Take me; I’m yours 1” Mrs Spriggs had now hit the post and was flitting about the middle arch. Mrs Dusfnbury was stealthily getting her ball into a good position. Themalletof Mrs Spriggs was raised on high, and was just about to descend, when a loud and prolonged howl from the porch arrested her attention. She turned thither, and the sight she saw transfixed her. Her husband was leaning back in his chair against the house, one leg elevated to an astonishing height, and kicking out with a desperate energy. With a determined clutch he had the infant aloft; his left hand was raised and clenched, and on his face there was an expression of frenzy. His wife shrieked and rushed to the rescue ; Mrs. Dusenbury followed. As they reached the miserable man he commenced to dodge, and duck, and curvet around in his chair like a madman. “ Spriggs 1" yelled his wife, rushing at him, but he only dodged and answered, “ Gimme a chance, you bloody ruffi’ns I" “ Spriggs I” screamed his wife again, shaking him as hard as she could.

Dodging several constellations, Spriggs put iu his left at one of them, and —sent his wife to grass, shrieking, “Take that, you ole tom-catl" He continued ducking about as if dodging all the signs of the zodiac—“ Come on, you cowardly blaggards ! Thrash away with your ole pole! Gimme room accordin’ to my strength, and I’ll wallop the whole party 1” Then he threw the baby at the Great Bear—-

flooring Mrs. Dusenbury, and probably would have fallen in the unequal combat if Mrs. Spriggs bad not broken a maple mallet over his head, rescued him from the starry orbs of night, and introduced him again into this world of sin and sorrow. Spriggs shudders when he makes bis toilet now, for there is a little bare spot on the top of his cranium where the mallet struck, which reminds him of the Great Bear, et al. He has lost all interest in astronomy.