LADIES' EXPRESS.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume II, Issue 183, 1 July 1874, Page 2

LADIES' EXPRESS.

[ The Editor will he glad to gv/t any local contributions f that may be consider'd identity family circle, or to PRACTICAL JOKII^afySF.E (From ‘Sk A MAN who .r - '" his wife deserves to be has a dread of cats, and »t night she always looks g|ffi|pauy i *WWiWW’na bed to see that no mtay on robbery intent, A few ilt’er Mr. and Mrs. SlatMilk who has been learnirig ventriloquism, thought he would faqHsWJiWHeIN and scare his wife by gently lypvning and making the sound come from binder the bed. Airs. Slatterly instantly exclaimed, “ Joaiah, I do believe there is a cat in the room.” “Oh nonsense,” granted Slatterly ; and then he made the noise again. “ I tell you, Josiah,” exclainwd Mrs. S., “ I hear a cat under the bed. iff wish you’d get out and drive it away.” - J “ Oh, go to sleep, Matilda,” said Slatterly, “I don’t hear anything. There’s no cat about.” Then Josihh, with hie mouth beneath the covers, uttered a louder screech than before. “ Well, if you won’t clear that cat out, you brute, I will,” said Mrs. Slatterly. So she reached over, picked up Josiah’s boots, and put them on in bod in order to protect her feel and ancles from the infuriated animal. Then she took Slattcrly’s cane and stooped down to sweep it around beneath the bed. Just as she did so. Josiah emitted a fearful yell which might have come from a cat in the last paroxysms of hydrophobia. This startler! Mrs. Slatterly so that she sprang backward, and in doing so she Stumbled against the baby’s cradle, which was overturned, and she went head foremost against the twenty-five dollar lookihg-glsss on the bureau, while the cane flew out of her hand and lighted with considerable force on Slutterly’s head. The screams of Mrs. Slatterly aroused all the neighborhood, and even brought out the fire department, so that by the time the baby was rescued from the wreck, and the broken glass picked up, two engines had streams playing upon the house, the front door had been burst open by the police, and the firemen were engaged in dragging a wet hose over tho entry carpet and up the front stairs just as Slatterly came down to explain t hings. The ventriloquism eost him ninety dollars for carpets and looking glasses, and a contusion on the head, which his friends to this hour believe he received in a pugilistic encounter with his wife. Prevention Best.—” If I am not at home from tho bachelor party to-night at 10 o’clock,” said a husband to his wife, “ do not wait for me.” “ That I won’t,” replied the lady, significantly ; “ I’ll come for you 1” To prevent difficulty, the gentleman managed so as to bo at home precisely at 10 o’clock.