FACTS AND SCRAPS.

Patea Mail, Volume I, Issue 1, 24 October 1887, Page 4

FACTS AND SCRAPS.

The ink-bottle is one, of the most in-,i ip-pcn-.lcnt things known'. Those beings only aye fit. for soli.uda who like nobody.Va-c liked by nobody, and arc like nobody, A Wellington farmer is applying for an invention for an improved oil soap for preparing wool. A man of pleasure is one who. desirous of being more happy than any one man can be, is less happy,than most men are. You cannot p:event the birds of sadn ess Lorn flying over yoiu head, but you may pi event theta fx;om t topping to build their nuts there. What a c nuort it would be to human life if men felt they' comd divide their mut.iw.s with o her men, and how willingly would they then ailbtV those others to partake of their joys. Youth and beauty, riches mid stoves of worcllv goods, wiih the society of those we love and even life . itself, arc all et short duration : then let n jt the wne tli-rcwhh be fascinated. There is,nothing of which men arc more liberal Than tin ir good advice, be their stock overdo small, since the bestowal of it seems {jfi/farrv with is an intimation of the giver’s 'influence. Nervous old lady, on the fifth floor of hotel : * Do you know what precautions the p:opriat'r of the bote! lias taken against lireiI'’ 1 '’ JVrtc: : *Yis, mum; lie has had the; house in.-hoored for twice wot it’s worth.’ His birthday pa.ty.—Toy: ‘Ain’t it time to cat the good tilings,’’ Mother :*t c: tainly not. You must wait until your frond. come.’ I!oy: ‘I fancy they won’c come, ’cause 1 rluiu’t, invite them. I tin ught I’d rathe! have it entirely exclusive.’ . w 'The instinct of.Society” ts to let ti.ingS aleim. to pemiit nothing to ruffle the cruel rcremiy of its pleasutcs. to vote eve:yens a bare who dwells upon any scheme for human improvement one moment longer than is necessary for the pu: poses of small tdk. A Finale contributor broil.lit in a communication wiilten on both sides of the paper. Ihc editor wow led and refused it. *• IjVcil,” she retorted. "I’d like to know if you don’t print on both sichs?” There is no such tli rig as arguing with a woman. Until the mind can love and admire, and trust and hope, and endure, reasoned principles of moral conduct are seeds cast upon the highway of Ufe, which tuc unconscious passenger tramples into dust, although they would be a i tt-c harvest of his happiness. Bascomb (just returned from Australia)•‘\Scll, .dr, wnut would you say if I told you I had seen a snake out there that measmes ■larty feetm eimnnfcicnce and ninety feet in length?’ Burnley : ‘‘l should soy—cr—that Australia docs not produce good whiskey.” Culture is becoming disseminated/* it; ve you sawed that wood V' demanded a lady of }.. tramp, who had inquired for hicakl'a-t "Havel" sawed that wood I” exclaim'd the trump.in contempt. * ! I have seen that wood, and I don’t intend lo wo.k for a lady who dosen't un.devatund the rules of grammar better than you do !’’

He who seeks for and emphasises the good in otlicis is not only blessing and improving * them, hut himself also, Envy is thn • laid low ; a 1 the more amiable qnaUiics ate brought out ; the habit of giving happiness is in itself u joy, t.ml the manifest benefits thus conferred ■arc fully shared by their giver. Hjccdy Parly (to bar tender)— Your refusal, sir, to trust me to a paltry drink of whiskey fills me with astonishment and indignation ! Bar tender —All light, si , you can ii!l yourself up with astonishment and indignation and it won’t, cost you a brass farthing, but if yon want to till up with whiskey you will have to part cosh ? A hov was being examined the other day tvs u witness in a. Melbourne Police Court.. Tho point involved was pioving the da:e of r.n affray. (Solicitor : * How do you know ihot the fight occurred on Sunday V ‘because it was the day I had to go to tho side door of the hotel for beer.' ‘ That settles it,’ remarked Hin Worship. An extraordinary ca‘c Ts reported from Home. A man named Offs Winstoffsky fell off to sleep and did not awake till the end of tbirtc.eivmonths. During all this lime he was attended by doctors. When he awoke from his long sleep he could not believe that ho had filumbcioa for such a period, and understood that it was only the previous evening that ho had r tired to rest. A Yankee wa’ked in to a Massachusetts court one day and spent some time in watching the proceedings. By-and-by u man was brought up for contempt of court and fined; wercepou the stranger rose and said, ‘ How nnich was the tine V ‘Five dollars,’replied tiieuslur. ‘’.Veil,’ said the stranger, laying down the m ncy. Tf that’s all, I’d like to jino in. I’vo had a few hour*’ experience of this court. Und no one can ft cl a greater contempt for it than I do, and I am willing to pay for it!’ At Trafalgar two Irishmen happened to be stationed near each other when the celebrated intimation was disjdayed from Nelson’s ship. Look up and read that Pat, said one to the other, •* England expects every man to do his duty,” not a word for poor old .Ireland. lat co*;kcd his eye at the object for a moment, ami then turning to his companion thus addressed him —“ Whist. Bryan, ’is tha? all the sense you have .’ Ireland knows well enough that her son’! will do their duly—that’s ju I a hint to the Englishmen