A TALE OF KILMAINHAM GAOL.

Patea Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 1021, 13 April 1883, Page 4

A TALE OF KILMAINHAM GAOL.

LITERATURE.

(Truth.) When the Irish crisis was at its height, it fell to the turn of Lieu. Spankie to take charge of the Kilmainham Court House Guard. These guards la6t, as a rule, twenty-four hours only; but owing to a field day that was taking place in Pheenix Park, Lien. Spankie was not’ to be relieved until 3 p.m., instead of 10 a.m., as usual. This arrangement allowed the officer to go through his morning’s toilet in a leisurely way; so having risen at about nine, he got into his tub, and was splashing about in cool contentment, when there was a knock at his door, and he heard the voice of the sergeant of the guard outside. * Can’t come in cried Spankie ; ‘ w—wait a minute.’ ‘ Sorr,’ answered the sergeant, who was an Irishman ; ‘ the jintleman says he must see yez at once. He comes from the Adjitant-Jineral.’ There was no more parleying. The door opened, and in walked a tall, soldierly man, in plain clothes. ‘ I beg your pardon,’ he said laughing, to Spankie, who had shrunk op into his bath, and sat staring, sponge in hand. ‘1 am Colonel Tempest, The AdjutantGeneral has gone away for a couple of days on leave, and I am doing his work. The Commander-in-Chief has sent me down to tell you that a message has been received from the prison authorities, giving information of a projected rising among the suspects, and saying that several of the warders have been tampered with. You will, therefore, get -your guard under arms at once, and proceed to the gaol, remaining there till you are relieved.’ Lieut Spankie had not been long enough at Dublin to know all the staffofficers by sight, and he was unacquainted with Colonel Tempest; bnt it struck him that this officer was a delicate-minded man, for he turned his back to the bath while giving his orders. He stood near the mantlepiece, and when he had spoken, just waved his hand in a friendly way, and said, * I must be off now. Don’t lose any time.’ * I’ll start at once,’ answered Spankie, who had also turned his back and began to dry himself; and as soon as the Colonel was gone, he leaped out of the water, huddled on his uniform, and was quickly amongst his men. In a trice the guard was under arms and marched out. The Court House is next door to the gaol, so they had not far to go. The warder at the gate seemed astonished at their arrival, and asked whether the officer desired to see the Governor? Spankie, like a prudent warrior, first posted his sentries, and then expressed his willingness the Governor if the latter wanted him. Word was sent into the gaol, and the Governor, himself an old soldier, speedily mode bis appearance. ‘ May I ask what has brought you here V he inquired, with looks of surprise. ‘ Why, surely you ought to know, since you sent for us,’ replied Spankie, staring under his bearskin. ‘ I never sent for yon : there must be some mistake.’ * Why, Colonel Tempest told me you apprehended a rising of suspects.’ And then Spankie gave an account of the orders he had received while drying himself in his bath. The Governor listened attentively, but ended by smiling. ‘lam afraid yon have been hoaxed. The Adjutant-General is not absent on leave, for I saw him last night. As to a rising among the suspects, it’s absurd. Have you a written order ? ‘ No.’ ‘ Then you had better go back. v I will take it upon myself to tell you that yon are not required here, and will drop a line to the AdjutantGeneral about the matter.’ ‘ Hoaxed I’ echoed Lieutenant Spankie, grasping his drawn sword as if it were a stick with which he would like to chastise the man who had played a joke upon him ; bnt, upon consideration, finding he had nothing to do at the prison, he concluded he had better march back. Back he marched accordingly, he and his men, and when he had dismissed the guard he strode off to his room much perplexed and diminished in his own esteem. Who the deuce could that fellow be who had hoaxed him, and why had he done it ? Our friend had been in such haste to start for the gaol that he had' pocketed none of his valuables. He had deposited them over-night on the mantel-shelf, and the first thing he did on re-entering the room (which he had locked when departing) was to look for the watch. It was gone. So were his rings, purse, and loose money. Everything of value that Lieutenant Spankie had laid on the mantel-shelf had vanished. * Hie, sergeant,’ cried the startled officer, running out; ‘just ask the sentry if anybody has been here during my absence.’ But it was imposible that anyone could have been there, as he knew, for the door bad been locked. He, therefore, hunted in every corner for his missing property; and his agitation was considerable, not only on account of his loss, but because of the mysterious occurrences that had caused it. ‘Nobody had been here, sorr,’ answered the sergeant, returning. ‘ Why that’s odd,’ faltered Lieutenant Spankie; ‘ I’ve been robbed of my watch, rings, and money.’ ‘ Ye don’t say it, sorr. Sure, now, who could have bin the thafe ?’ ‘I don’t know in the least. l ean only suspect that man who introduced himself as Colonel Tempest.’ ‘ The jintleman in the civilian clothes ? Arrah, now, and it would’nt be surprising at all afther the other trick he played ye. ‘ I’ll write a note to the Governor of the prison,’ said Spankie, much flustered. 1 Just tell the drummer to take it, and look sharp.’ The times were so critical in Ireland that Lieutenant Spankie had begun to feel .very uneasy at the trick which had been practised upon him. It might have been done with some treasonable purpose of drawing off the guard ; and he, Spankie, might be called to account for having so easily suffered himself to be entrapped. But if the affair was to to the Governor, he succinctly ex-

resolve itself into a simple case of theft, it was no less disagreeable to the officer to feel how guilelessly he had allowed himself to be victimised. In his note plained what had happened, and asked for advice. Could the Governor throw and light on ‘ Colonel Tempest’s identity, or suggest how that person could have acquired his familiarity with military habits ?’ In response to the note, the Governor quickly came, and brought a large album of photographs with him. • You have been plundered,’ he said, looking rather amused, though his tone was serious, I think I shall be able to tell you who is the thief. Do you know this face ?’ Saying this he opened his book and showed a carte. ‘ Why, that’s the very man !’ cried Spankie. ‘ Ah 1 then you have been robbed by Gentleman Jack, alias Fly Dick, the cleverest swellmobsman in Dublin. He was in my charge during six months, not long ago, for picking the Lord-Lieutenant’s pocket. He picked it coming out of St Patrick’s Cathedral. A peculiarity about him is that he bears a strong likeness to Colonel Williams, the Ad-jutant-General. That is what made me suspect that he must be your robber.” ‘ It accounts for his playing on the military,’ said Spankie, eyeing the photograph with vindictive disgust. ‘The resemblance has stood him in good stead before now,’'continued the Governor. ‘ He was once arrested for passing bad coin ; but he blustered, declaring he was Colonel Williams, and the police sergeant on duty, fancying he recognized him, discharged him on his own recognizances.’ ‘ Well, what had _ I better do ?’ asked Spankie. ‘ I suppose I must inform the police V ‘ That is all you can do, and be more careful another time.’ ' Lieutenant Spankie, of course, made all sorts of vows to himself that the man who should ever again catch him napping would have to get up very early in the morning. He had to submit to some gay banter at mess about receiving visitors in the costume of Adam, and showing an Adam-like innocence in turning his back, that they might purloin his goods with greater ease ; he had also to bear a more severe lecture from his colonel. The commanding officer told him that the consequences of his credulity might have been very grave, for he ought not to have obeyed the mere verbal orders of a man in civilian clothes, who was unknown to him by sight. He must be more careful in future, or he would find himself in trouble. A fortnight then went by, and Lieutenant Spankie heard nothing of ‘ Gentleman Jack,’ though the detective department professed to be hunting very diligently for that personage. Times were still critical in Dublin. Mr Parnell had not yet been arrested, but the military lived in hourly expectation that there was going to be a brush between the; Government and the Land Leaguers. Under these circumstances, it again fell to Lieut Spankie’s turn to be on guard at the Court House; and once more, on a certain morning at half-past seven, he found himself dabbling about in the bath in the officers’ room at the guard-house. 1 Now, in bathing this time, Spankie was guilty of a breach of duty, for strict orders had been issued to officers on guard to keep on the alert. They were forbidden even to unbutton their tunics. Lieutenant Spankie ought to have been sitting in his full regimentals, instead of splashing himself in that tub; and, knowing this full well, he was plying the sponge as fast as he could, so as to get his ablutions finished quickly. He was one of those men who mope all day if they have not an early wash. But there seemed to be a fatality about the bath, for just as Spankie was dripping with water, the door burst open, and in strode ‘ Gentleman Jack.’ Spankie gave a start, which almost made him lose his balance ; but instantly the thought flashed upon him that this swell-mobsman had come in the hope of robbing some other officer, not knowing that his first victim was on duty. ‘ What is the meaning of this, sir ?’ began the: intruder, with well-acted dignity. ‘ Why are you not in uniform ? I have come to tell you—-—’ Bnt he did not finish his sentence. Spankie was ready for him. With a mighty leap, the officer sprang ont of the bath, threw his wet arms round the thief, and dabbed the sponge over his month : * Murder 1’ roared ‘ Gentleman Jack,’ sputtering. * Ho, Sergeant of the Guard !’ shouted Spankie; and then the two had it out together among the chairs and tables, over the coal scuttle, the fender and fire-irons, and so back again to the bath. Spankie was strong, but so was his antagonist, and besides Spankie had bare feet, on which the other kept treading as he staggered about, so that the officer’s yells for help derived an acute tone from the pain he suffered. But Gentleman Jack got the worse of it, for the sergeant and two corporals, rushing into the room, arrived just in time to see their naked officer plant his knee into the pit of the other’s stomach, and drive him backward with an unholy chatter into the bath. ‘ Good God, sir, what has happened asked the sergeant, who was not an Irish one. ‘ Fetch a policeman’ gasped Spankie, wiping some blood from his nose. ‘ This is the blackguard who stole my watch.’ ‘ Help 1 murder 1’ howled the man in the bath, floundering about in the water as he tried to rise to his feet. ‘ Why, sir, that’s Colonel Williams, the Adjutant-General,’ answered the sergeant in an amazed voice. * Colonel Williams the——.’ Lieutenant Spankie’s words stuck in his throat. In the red-faced, soaking, choleric personage who rose up before him, making pools on the carpet from his dripping sleeves and trousers, he perceived a man who certainly had not the look of a detected thief. ‘ Are you mad or drunk sir, ! stuttered this gentleman, indignantly wringing a quart of water out of the tail of his coat. You’ll be —be tried by court-martial. Mean-

while consider yourself under arrest. By Heavens, sir—-!’ ‘I am really very sorry, Colonel. I thong——'' ‘ Not a word more sir; not a word. Sergeant, I must have some other clothes. Can you lend me a topcoat, and send for—for a car. As for you sir, you shall hear more of this presently.’ It was, indeed, the Adjutant-General whom Lieut Spankie had assaulted. He had come to say that Mr Parnell had been arrested, that the guard was going to be reinforced, and he had meant to give orders in consequence. But the sifz-bath he had involuntarily taken drove all this from his mind, and he shuffled ont in his wet trousers, a picture of discomfort and fury. As for poor Spankie, he put on his regimentals with feelings that may be imagined.^ In any country but Great Britain Spankie would have nothing to fear from this scrape. The Adjutant-General had been clearly wrong to call upon him on a matter of duty without being in uniform; but in the British army, superior officers, who ought to set the example of adherence to the regulations, are often remiss in doing so; and the Adjutant-General, who had blamed Spankie for not being in uniform, saw nothing incongruous in the fact that he himself was in plain clothes when he administered his rebuke. The upshot of the whole thing was that Spankie got a tremendous' wigging from the authorities—such a wigging, that he has been asking himself ever since whether a black mark will remain to all time against his name. As to his friends, they, of course, made merry of the affair, and have nicknamed poor Spankie ‘ C.B.’—that is, ‘ Caught in the Bath.’