SPOOPENDYKE ON WEATHER FORECASTS.

Patea Mail, 10 February 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)

SPOOPENDYKE ON WEATHER FORECASTS.

“ I see," said Mrs Spoopendyke, as she laid the paper down, “ I see that we are to have rising followed by falling barometer, with north-east to south-west winds, and higher or lower temperature, with clear or partly cloudy weather, and light rains. How is it they contrive to tell so accurately about the weather ? Do you understand it ? ” “ Certainly,” replied Mr Spoopendyke ; “ they do it by observation. They have a man out West observing, and a man down East who observes, and fellows observing around in different parts of the country They put all their observations together, and we know just what it’s going to do.” " I suppose that’s what makes the wind so different every morning. When one’s temperature is rising, another is falling j and when one is clear all the rest are partly cloudy with ” «No they aint. Each observer sends in what he observes, and then the chief makes up his mind from those reports what the weather will be. Can’t you understand ?” “ Perfectly,” said Mrs Spoopendyke, rubbing her elbows. “If one sees the barometer rising, and another sees it falling, and it’s cold in one place and cloudy in another, they all say so. But I should think when one hits it right the other would be awful mad.”

“ What would they get mad about ? ” demanded Mr Spoopendyke. “ You don’t imagine that they all get together and fight it out, do you ? They take the weather from different points and combine it, and they parcel it out among the different regions. For instance, if it snows in the East and is warm in the West, they strike an average for the Lake region. Now what is the average between heat and snow ? ” “ Rain,” cried Mrs Spoopendyke, delighted with her sagacity. “ I see how it is now. They take what is usually going on and equalise it all over the country. I’m glad the Democrats weren’t elected,” “ What have they got to do with it ? Do you think a barometer is a politician ? ” ‘•No. But if the Democrats had been elected they would have to change it all around, wouldn’t they ? And the South would have got the best share. That’s what the Eepub ” “ Hang the Republicans ! They’ve got no more to do with it than you have. You have got an idea that they throw the barometers and observers into one end of a steam engine, and the weather comes out at the other. They don’t make the weather. The weather makes itself. It is the only self - supporting thing about the Government. And these signalmen only watch it and tell what it’s going to be.” “ I suppose when these observers all get together and talk it over, that is called a storm-centre, isn’t it.” “ That’s it! ” shouted Mr Spoopendyke. “ You’ve got the weather now. All you want now is your name painted on the handle and the spring broken to be an umbrella. They don’t talk it over; they tell you all they know, and it’s fixed up in Washington. They agree on it here, and then they telegraph it all around everywhere. It is generally made in Manitoba and sent down here.”

“ How wide is it ? ” asked Mrs Spoopendyke, deeply interested. “ Because, if it isn’t too big, they might stop it.” "Wide! It’s just about a feet wide. Just a feet. Just about as wide as your measly information. How’re they going to stop it P Think it jaws the sleeping-car conductor because there’s an upper berth left ? Well, it don’t. It hires a horse! ” howled Mr. Spoopendyke, “ and the only way to stop it is to build a fence around it. There was some talk about burning the last one, but the wood was wet.” “ Well, my dear, you needn’t get angry about it,” said Mrs soothingly. “ I only thought there might be some way they could make some arrangements about it. I think storm-centres are horrid, and the observer in Manitoba must have a hard time. If he has to observe much in the winter he must be nearly frozen.” “ Does any human being know what you are thinking about ? ” raved Mr Spoopendyke. ‘‘ Do you s’pose he goes around with a spyglass looking behind rocks ? Think he prowls round all night with a lantern, hunting up storm-centres ? Got an idea that ho runs round under the bed with a broom, like a married woman I know of, and when he catches a centre, pulls him out by the leg and observes him? He don’t do anything of the sort. He has ’em in to spend the evening with him, and gets them drunk and finds out what they’re up to. Understand now ? All you want is to whirl round twice and squeak at nights to be a weathervane.”

“I didn’t know how they did it,” quoth Mrs Spoopendyke, complacently, “ but I sec now. If the Prohibitionist had boon elected he couldn’t have done that, and we should have boon in a bad way. Now that I understand it I’ll learn the indications every morning. How docs a barometer rise and fall ? ” “ Willi cork - screws,” thundered Mr Spoopendyke. “ Sometimes they haul it up with a stump machine ; then they drop

ft carpenter’s shop on it. When it gets very low they blow it up with gun-cotton. Once in Dakota ic got so high that they had to dig a hole and rani it down with a piledriver. Got it now P Dogin to see through it! What you need is a box of pills and a conundrum to ho an alumnae !■” And Mr Spoopondyko jumped out of the house like a conical shot, and banged the door after him. “ I never quite understood it before,” soliloquised Mrs Spoopcndykc, speculating whether she would put the plume on the side or back part of her hat; “ but now that lie’s explained it to me, I wonder they don’t observe by steam. It must be awful hard on the poor man.” And having decided about the plume, Mrs Spoopendyko filled her moulh with pins and crawled under the bed in search of her thimble. —Brooklyn Eagle,