"BEAR YE ONE ANOTHER'S BURDENS."

Patea Mail, 28 September 1881, Page 2 (Supplement)

"BEAR YE ONE ANOTHER'S BURDENS."

Bt Mbs. H. W. Bbbchbb. In most o! the relations of life this command may be correctly understood, however impei fectly it is practised. But in the marriage relation there eppear to be con dieting opinions as to the relative duties of each of the parties. Doubtless many of the widely-differing rules laid down for them by self-constituted judges originate with that class who are supposed to imagine themselves the best qualified to decide on the duties and management of other people’s husbands, wives, and children—the unmarried of both s‘ xes. Ignoring or avoiding the marriage relation, they feel at liberty to decide for those who have been caught just the duties incumbent on them. This is well enough, as it is, or should be, quite harmless.

A woman who marries one who earns his living by the sweat of his brow will not be very likely to accept the position ignorant that she must share the toil and hardship, if any, ia common with him. The danger will be that he may not how much more heavy, in comparison with the difference in their strength, are the burdens that rest on her than on himself. It is, doubtless, seeing such injustice, or thoughtlessness, that leads so many to claim for a wife total exemption from burden-bearing, and women, especially among the more influential, refined, and .wealthy elapses, to expect their husbands to shield them from every care. We are led t° consider thismatter from seeing several things in print which would seem to indicate that such it the husband’s duty to his wife, and that a wise woman best pleases him when she expects this from him. Meantime, if there is reason in this doctrine, pray what shall a wife do P Sit idle, a useless cumberer of the ground, or be a butterfly of fashion instead of the helpmeet we have supposed God ordained a woman to be? No one will doubt that she has claims on her husband for courteous treatment, for attention, kindness, and care, even beyond what gentlemen are bound to give to ladies in general. Such attentions are a wife’s due, and as tokens of affectionate care are inexpressibly gratifying j but these are not *• bearing her-burdens,” as some claim her husband should. Take a married woman’s life from one week’s end to the other, whatever burdens may fall to her lot in practical life, and however earnestly her husband may desire to free her from them, how often can he be by her side at just the critical time when she would gladly have hie assistance P If worth loving and respecting, a husband should have duties into which, if he would insme success, he is bound to throw the best energies and working-force of his nature. How much time has he to bear bis wife’s burdens, and life from her all responsibilities P On the contrary, if by untiring application to business he supports bis family comfortably, perhaps elegantly, should not the wife bear her own share of the burdens of life, and by so doing strengthen and develop her own character, instead of wishing to shift them on to her husbands shoulders, so that she may float lazily, like thistle-down through the air—and as uselessly—while he bears the burdens and heat ot the day unaided by her P If she is able and willing to go haud-in-hand with him, doing cheerfully her full share, using the strength God gives, knowing that the unused talents met, and by her love and sympathy aiding and strengthening him, why —why should he love and respect her less, or think her labour unfeminine ? Why not love, honour, and admire her infinitely mere for such efficiency ? Many wives, loving and honouring their husbands devotedly, and estimating their mental powers through the exaggeiation and extravagance of love, perhaps, in the spirit of self-sacrifice will assume burdens far beyond ibeir strength; but not because they do not acknowledge the broader shoulders, larger courage, and greater strength of their liege lords. Is it not rather through an excess of honour and reverence; a love that makes all burdens a pleasure, that bears up superior to pains and weakness, or death itself, if by this devotion they may relieve the honoured head of their kingdom from any care or responsibility that impedes bis mental or intellectual efforts ? Why, if conscious of that kind of executive force—*ho head and hand power which is necessary to make their home comfortable —should not the wife gladly accept that part of the labour—burdens,” if any choose so to call it—which will most conduce to the highest welfare of the household ?