Facetiæ and Scraps.

Patea Mail, 31 August 1881, Page 2 (Supplement)

Facetiæ and Scraps.

The latest are brain pads for weak-back brains. , . . Some street lamps resemble people in love, in that they are out.on moonlight nights. “I’ve just got: out of a bad.scrape,” as tbo man said as he came out of a cheap barber’s shop. , “May a Christian laugh?” inquires the New York' San in a head line. Wei', we should smile. “It is alwajs well to leave sotmlhiog for those who come after ue,” as toe rowdy said the other night, when he thre# acemp'y barrel before an officer who was to pursuit of him. When a boy is ordered against-his will te take the ooal-skutlle down-stairs and : fill it.it is astonishing the number of articles he will accidentally strike the shuttle against before getting back. . „ ... A Philadelphia quack informs the public that he is not at all exclusive. “If a patient wants it gentle and mild, I'm a homoeopath, and when anybody wants thunder and lightning, I’m an allopath. A Scotchman asked an Irishman, “ Why were half-farthings coined in England?’ Pat’s answer was, “ To give Scotchmen an opportunity of subscribing to charitable institutions.’’ ' . The Providence Frets enqpires how many Dr. Tanners would be required to create a famine in the land ? Before answering the question we shall require statistics as to water-melons. x ' „ .“Shall we sell or abandon our girls? , editorially asks The Burlington Hjiwkeye. Da neither. Give ’em away. When a girl given away, if she is not, the young man is—in a majority of oases. Ip a newspaper, should contain all the things that ail its readers want it to print, it would have lo be bigger than a bedstead. It it should leave out all that etch of its readers does not wish to read, it would be a blank Mother, what is ah angel|? ” “An Well: an angel is a being that flies.’ But mother, why does papaaiways call my governess an angel?” “Well,” exclaimed the mother after a moment’s pause* 11 she s going to fly immediately.” 13