PATEA COUNTY MAIL PUBLISHED Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1880. COMPLIMENTARY.

Patea Mail, 4 December 1880, Page 2

PATEA COUNTY MAIL PUBLISHED Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1880. COMPLIMENTARY.

Speech-making at New Plymouth is like other local products, a fearful and wonderful thing. People speak from the heart there : out of the fulness of the heart the mouth speaketh. It was so in old time, and the world changes slowly, at Taranaki. You see, Proctor had been speech-making atNew Plymouth—some; and this fired the ambition of other speech-makers who knew they could do as well as Proctor, and could beat him all to pieces on the question of the origin, character, capabilities, and contents of the local Mountain. No use telling them about mountains in the moon. The only mountain worth talk-, ing about—in fact the only mountain that is a mountain, is Mount Egmont. As to its origin, that Mountain had existed ever since the first batch of pilgrims landed from Plymouth. To enquire earlier than that would be going into a region of fable. That was the beginning of Taranaki history, and what happened in the world before that must have happened outside of Taranaki, and is therefore of no account, Mr Proctor went to New Plymouth to lecture about other worlds, whereas the only world they know or care about is New Plymouth. Poor Mr Proctor ! He must have been born outsidcof New Plymouth. Ho had bettor have stopped away with Ids “ blooming moon.” Taranaki has had its Agricultural Show this week, and has eaten a dinner over it. This is as it should be. It had judges and guests from all parts of the world—that is from Nelson, Patea, and the South. The cattle were all prizetakers. The best horses were of local pedigree, and therefore incomparable. The sheep were Taranaki sheep, and judging in this class was exceptionally difficult because of the level excellence' The other leading local products were butter and fungus. There was only one entry in the Mountain class, and it was ticketed h.c. After the dinner came speech-making. Local judges spoke, as only local judges can ; and then the judges from remote parts had a turn at talking. Here the mischief began. One judge from Kakaramea said the horses were fair—that is passable for Taranaki, but not to be compared with some horses he had seen down Patea-way. The New Plymouth Brethren looked daggers at that judge—call him a judge, forsooth ! He sat down in withering silence. Another foreign judge, from Manutahi, got up to mend matters; and he did it by regretting to see a falling off in the live-stock. Ho also contrived to convey the idea that he had seen better sheep. Where had lie seen them ? Why, down Patea-way ! That settled his hash. The Brethren were by this time in a state of burning indignation, like the dreadful silence which precedes a massacre. One other foreign guest rose to put matters right, with the oily subtlety of a Southern politician. He told them their Mountain was the finest ho had seen, and was a most creditable production ; that it was like the Taranaki members in the House—carried everything before it (“ Hear, hear,” laughter, applause, and filling of glasses to drink the speaker’s health.) “ But,” he continued, “ I can’t help saying the Mountain looks best from the Patea side.” Down he sat. He had to. His life wouldn’t have been worth a minute’s purchase if he hadn’t.

Then rose the Nemesis of the feast. He had seen and he had heard. He knew it was so. He had known it all along. (“ Hear, hear.”) Patea had a down, on Taranaki. It wasn’t fair. The Taranaki Show was as good as the Patea show. He had seen stock down there, and he was sure they had as good stock in Taranaki. The judges from Patea district had run down their Show at that dinner. It was because Patea had a down on Taranaki. The Mail had a

down on Taranaki. Everybody had a down on Taranaki. He knew Taranaki. Had seen the first Show in Taranaki. And Taranaki was a very good place—as good as Patea.. (N.B. —The Brethren went to bed.)