OYSTER RING.

Patea Mail, Volume II, Issue 191, 7 February 1877, Page 2

OYSTER RING.

[pito>f THE DANBURY NEWSMAN 7 .] The apathy to reform is not strewn with roses. lam reminded of this by a little incident. I. have always bought my ovsters opened. Mrs Perkins and myself arc fond of oysters, and eat a great many of them. It occurred to me one day—last Saturday, to be more direct—that there was a monopoly in opening oysters that ivas hurtful to the public purse. Whenever I get hold of a uction of that kind I work it np. I Worked this np ; I brought home half a bushel of oysters in the ,shell, Saturday night, and put them in the cellar till morning, when they were to be opened fresh tor breakfast. When morning came I went down stairs and brought up the oystu-s while Mr Perkins got ready a knife and pan. I wasn’t quite dressed, because I was a little eager to profit by an experiment. Mrs Perkins shared this earnestness in a measure, and was anxious to have me to go to Work at once. It is said that the less a man knows about anything the’more willingly he engages to do it. I knew nothing about opening oysters ; I had never opened one in my life. But what 1 lacked in knowledge I made it np in zeal. When everything was ready I smiled at Mrs Perkins and commenced. I found the most difficulty with the first oyster. I looked some fifteen minutes for the whole in which to put the knife. But I couldn’t find it. Mrs Perkins, who rather impatiently watched the survey, suggested that it might , have fallen out and would he in the basket. Mrs Perkins was lightly costumed, and there was no fire in the stove. These things wore on her and made her ironical. There was no use looking further for a hole in that oyster. I got out my jack-knife, which was sharp, and placing the point at what reasonably appeared to bo a crevice, pushed firmly against it. If I had used a little more firmness it is mote than likely that both the blade and handle would have passed through my hand. As it was, it was only a part of the blade 1 , and I was enabled to pull it from the same side it entered.

This was an unexpected advantage, and I hope I was sufficiently grateful, but it is doubtful. Mrs Perkins screamed when the blood flew. 11 You’re the awkwardest man I ever saw,” she observed. It was an easy remark. Ninety-nine women in every hundred would have said it I tied up the wound in silence, and renewed my endeavours to gain an entrance, with zeal materially abated. Pretty soon I missed part of one thumb and the knife snapped in two. I thought over a few oaths I had heard when a boy while Mrs Perkins went for another knife. They don’t make knives of the material they used to. I was surprised to see them break as fast as they did before I got that oyster open. Mrs Perkins was somewhat surprised herself. I think if I had not been bald there would have been considerable variety added to the performance. I didn't break the last knife. It slipped over the edge of that accursed bivalve, and went across the apex of my knuckles with a ferocity almost human. It next

wont into the stove. I wont into ■ the vai'u to think. Mrs Durkins w<*nt up stairs for a cry. When J came in 1 was accompanied by the axe. The balance of those oysters came ajv.irt in two minutes. Ami monopolies are bettor endured than cored.