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Patea Mail, Volume II, Issue 114, 13 May 1876, Page 3

A railroad engineer at Harrisburg, having been discharged, applied to bo reinstated. “ You wore dismissed,” said the superintendent austerely, “ for lotting your train come into collision.” “ The very reason,” said the other, interrupting him, “why, sir, if 1 had any doubt before as to whether two trains can pass each other on the same track, I am now entirely .satisfied ; I have tried it twice, sir, and it can’t he done, and lam not likely to try it, again.” He regained his situation. The following paragraph is going the round of Home papers : —“The courageous lady who led the women’s whisky war in America is now in London arranging ft r a raid upon the publicans of the wicked metropolis. They are to be vanquished in detail by a bevy of matrons taking possession of each publican’s bar in turn, and praying for his conversion as a publican and sinner. It will raise a nice piece of police law, for the dames will do- their praying silently, and so avoid giving the publican an excuse for calling in the police.” The American boast that “ Yankees can whip all creation,” would bo perfectly true if it were added “in swindlingProbably no country in the world contains TPj many daring, or so many successful Idiaves. If from the'munbers of gigantic fraudulent schemes that haveboen dragged to light, a conception can be formed of the character of the lower strata, it would hardly be too censorious to suppose that the country contained a mass of corruption quite capable of swindling all creationOne of the latest frauds has been unearthed in Missouri. It appears that deeds to lands in North-eastern in North Arkansas .and South-eastern Missouri have been forged for some years past, and agencies for this work were established in Cincinnati, Pittsburg, Philadelphia, New York, and Manchester (England). It is estimated that deeds to over 12,000,000 acres of land have been forged and disposed of, the valuation being 25,000,000 or 30,000,000 dollars. : The land operated upon is owned by non-residents, and as the records were mostly destroyed during the civil war, the King had every facility to Carry out the enormous swindle, and the deeds have been’ sold all oter the United States and in England'. The grand jury of Shanno Country, Mo., has. indicted Dr Thomas K. flerrman, D. D. Bingham, and James L. Lawton,- for complicity. Lawton seems to be the executive man, and operated extensively in England. Detroit Inisbands rind wives sometimes—--once in, a 1 great many years—have disputes. The other day when a Beech-street couple were holding 1 ' qii‘ angry .argument' the husband , raised his hand and exclaimed, “ 0 Consistency thpii art'a Jewel!” The wife at once broke'down", and as she sobbed, she gasped out, “ You saw'her'at the'opera, J suppose, but if sh A had to J split Wood, wash dishes, and take card of six. Children, she Wouldn’t look any bettcr’n I do—hoo !” Detroit? Free Press.-

According to Mrs Livermore, the wives of. the. Last, India Brahmins an; the mere slaves of their husbands, and servilely attend them at meal time. 1 > ut the day is 1 not far distant when British civilisation will have ini rod need flat-irons and'potatomashers into India, and when the now tyrannical Brahmin will be glad enough to crawl up outside of the door, and sniff the dinner through the key-bole. Homebody says editors are poor, whereupon a Yankee paper says ;—“ Humbug. Hero we are, editor of a country newspaper,'fairly rolling in wealth. Wc have a good office, a paste pot, a double-barrelled gun, two suits of clothes, three kittens, a Newfoundland pup, two watches, three day and two night shirts, carpets on the floors, a pretty wife, have 90 cents in cash, arc out of debt, and have no rich relatives. If wc are not wealthy it is a pity.”