THE JOSKINS SERIES OF SPORTING STORIES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2817, 4 March 1908, Page 90

THE JOSKINS SERIES OF SPORTING STORIES.

By F. DA. C. De L'lslb

(Author of "Tales of Sahib Land," "Tales ot the 28th 8.L.," "The Adventures of a Turf Detective," "Sport the World Over," etc., etc.)

(All Rights Reserved 1 .)

JQSKINS CEUMPLEDIVIVUS.

Joskin® sat on a feed bin in his racing stables and- watched on© of his, equine heroes— to wit, The Skirmisher, munching his evening oats. Joskins thought deeply ac he watched, and the little man's thoughts turned upon turf immortality. .He had upon several occasions come within an ace of winning immortality in the pigskin himself, in a minor form. But hia efforts had become notorious from the purely negative reason that it was because of the ludicrous nature of his performances — which had all ended more or less successfully for his pocket — rather than because of the stupendous heroism of his exploits. Joskins appeared to have been born a- really bad performer under the luckiest of all the lucky stars ; in fact, his guiding and guardian angel seemed to control an entire milky way of fortunate planets, under whose especial care had been placed' Anthony Augustus Joekins, Esquire, the indomitable and successful sporting man. Joskins pondered on thei chances of turf immortality, and on how very .close he had been to achieving it on more than one momentous occasion, and recalling the ramp he had recently recorded with the racehorse before him, he shuddered as he thought of the extremely narrow boundary that existed between turf immortality and turf immorality. His involuntary win. m The Skirmisher in his lastj engagement reached within the "inner" of immortality, but the awful lie he had told in order to procure his own disqualification ranked as a first-class, out-and-out, Al a£ Lloyd's bull's-eye of immorality, and Jossy shivered again. He had gone perilously close to being "blown out", *or good and all, and it was only a concatenation of most- fortuitous circumstances that had saved his name, fame, and bank account. Like fhe little boy that was scratched by the cat, Joskins vowed softly to himself that h« would never do so again. He was prudence itself, and he could not look with equanimity upon the burden of a similar risk. No, he promised himself, never again would he depart from the very narrow way of turf rectitude. Henceforth Anthony Augustus Joskins should be «t virtuous and eminently mlnaculate shining light of the turf. He was still young, his bank account had not as yet suffered from the reverses that aTe the children of racehorse ownership ; and of such are the all too few purists who pose as the whitest and worthiest in the racing arena. Therefore, Joskins swore that in future he would ride to win immortality as the director of a winged Pegasus, and also to gather in shekels of pure gold beyond the dreams of secondrate performers. Con, his Irish groom, did not demur in the least when informed a few moments later of the determination come to by his master. Con had been the god out of the machine who negotiated The Skirmisher ramp at Lingfield, and he felt good and well when he thought of his savings bank book. An unctious virtue seemed to pervade his neighbourhood, and he agreed- to his master's noble resolution with an alacrity that upon other occasions might have appeared suspicious. But Con was clever, and I have remarked before he had served his time of penury and hurtful poVerty in many a small and rough Irish racing stable. He knew that The Skirmisher was a clinking good colt, acd that it -would be impossible to keep him a maiden much, longer ; while on the other 'band i a jiidicipus win when the youßggt«r was nicely placed would be both prudoiil, profitable, and proper. There-

fore, he commended his master's resolution of going straight with all his heart. "Shure, sorr," he said, smiling like a plaster saint, "isn't it the roight thing to do, now? Ye've won a tidy sum this way an' thot ; an', bedad, yell win some more, Oi'm thinkin', before yez lose army. Put the colt into a nice raace, somethin' loike the Maiden at Lingfield. There's a foine chanst at Gatwick. Thry him in the Maiden Steeplechase there. He'll get about tin stone sivin, or, perhaps, a couple ay pound more. Shure, he cud win it widout his taale ! We know he's betther than Catjumper, an' that horse'll be out ay the raace. It's a bean feast fur us, sorr, an' the saints siftd ye will roide straight now. It's mesilf will put a. score on the colt if ye enter him at Gatwick now." There was a mesmerism in Con's arguments that always appealed most strongly to Joskins, and acting on his latest advice The Skirmisher was immediately entered for the Maiden Steeplechase at Gatwick. Meanwhile, Joskins had an engagement to ride his second string, Rocket, in the Novices' Steeplechase at Wye, where he had every reason to believe that his horse was well placed for a win. He did win that race, but as the results of that meritorious performance have largely to do with The Skirmisher's subsequent race at Getwick, it will be as well for me to explain, gentle reader, a little affair that occurred in the halcyon life of that ambitious little G.R., Mr A. A. Joskins, at Wye, prior to Rocket's win. Man is a chameleon in his love affairs, he changes his colour so often ; and Josbins had not, as yet, escaped from that period of youth that is centred in illusion. He was by nature of an excessively amorous disposition, and, next to himself, he had a passionate regard for fine women. True, his experiences had been limited in affairs of the heart ; but that was rather the fault of a cramped environment than from any want on his part of association with fair women. Sinee 1 he had blossomed out as a mildly successful racing man, with a bank account rapidly approauxiing three thousand pounds, Joskins had made many gallant attempts to cultivate the ladies. Unfortunately he had not been much of a society man in his callow youth, and therefore his circle of acquaintances was limited. But whenever he had the chance of mixing with the fair sex, Joskins posed as a ladies' man of the very first water ; a really desperate dog of a -fellow! He reached Wye, with his trainer and horse, two days before the race meeting. The trainer and horse were comfortably quartered at the Chilham Arms, and Joskins did himself well by putting up at the Canterbury. Dreesed in very horsey fashion, consisting of balloon knee breeches of a loud check, with Fox puttees and tan boots, a very yellow buff waistcoat, with flap pockets, a Norfolk jacket of corresponding pattern with his breeks, a very light drab covert coat, light fawn soft felt hat, and yellow buckskin gloves, Joskins swaggered into the bar parlour of the hotel about half-past 11 in the morning, tapping a hunting crop against his leggings, and took a survey of the barmaids. There were two of them there, both good-looking after a bold type, the one goldeh-haired, the other a decided brunette. Joskins promptly patronised the brunette. He disliked fair women, declaring that, like most chestnuts (horses), they were too unreliable, though undeniably handsome. He pompously marched up to the brunette, and ordered a glass of cognac. Mild brandy and water was the only tipple that he dared to indulge in, in consideration of keeping fit. There were many men in the bar, but with only two of them are we interested. Talking in subdued whispers to the fair girl was a flashilydressed man with a tremendously hooked nose and a lisp that announced his nationality to the world at large. This was Raphael Simeon, turf commission agent and shark of the first water. As Joskins reached the bar counter a tall, dark man of military bearing turned to him and said : " Hullol Got over your Lingfield disaster?" j Joskins presented his hand, and cheerfully announced that he had got over it, adding as the other clasped his fingers : "Will you join me, Colingbourne?" Lieutenant Colingbourne called for "Scotch and Polly," then turned to interrogate the new-comer. "Having a go here, aren't you?" he asked. " Yes," replied Joskins ; " Maiden Steeple, with Rocket." "Ah!" said Colingboume. "Got any chance?" The man at the other end of the bar pricked up his ears. '' Afraid not !" replied Joskins, mindful of Con's repeated advices re holding his tongue. "Peep o' Day and Cross Roads both hold me!" " Don't think co," said Colingbourne, laconically. "I'll have a fiver on yours." "No, don't," replied Joskins, with a mysterious smile. '"You'll only lese it !" "Not trying?" queried the other man. " Oh, I always try ; but this time I know I have no hope, so I'm advising you as a friend !" answered Joskins. "Thanks!" replied Colingbounie, shortly. "Good health !" Joskins sipped his mild liquor and water and turned all his batteries on the beautiful brunette barmaid. Colingbourne flashed one glance at her, and their eyes met ; then he left the field to Joskins. All that evening and the following day Joskins paid unremittent court to the barmaid. She, on her part, gave him very | decided encouragement. Raphael Simeon | took the first opportunity of introducing himself to Joskins, and they became very friendly together. But Joskins, in the very strictest confidence, told Simeon that he was not going to win the Maiden Steeplechase, and Simeon, thinking he was on an exceptionally good «dcket, laid heavily against Rocket. He had other fish to fry, apparently, for on the following day he abruptly asked Joskins : " Haf you known tha' Colingbourne lODJjrr- j

'■ About twelve months," replied Jos- " kins. "Know any goot of him?" asked Simeon. Joskins recalled the Lingfield race, when Colingbourne, by hitting The Skirmisher, had compelled Joskins to win ; and he answered maliciously : " He's too clever by half!" " You've pictured him down to de ground. I owe him vim, and I always try ty get it on to him vheneffer I can. Now, look here, you tell him you can yin vith ' your horse, and ve'll take him down for a hatful of quvids! Selph me, Igo all goosey yen he's apout !" Simeon recalled the time when he had passed an insulting remark in a public bar about Colingbourne's ancestry. Like a flash Colingbourne's hands were round his ' throat, and he was shaken worse than a terrier treats a rat ; then he was forced on ! his knees, hie head was pressed level with , the floor, and Colingbourne's voice cried : i " Kiss my boots, you dog ! Kiss my ', boots, d n you !" j Simeon's eyes were forced from their sockets, his tongue protruded from his -purple lips,, thunders of noise roared in his ears, and with the fear of black death before him he abjectly grovelled at the feet of the man he had insulted and kissed his boots. Promptly lie was dragged to his knees again, and- Colingbourne commanded : I " Apologise, you swine ! Apologise, or I'll kiU you !" I Gasping, choking, Simeon gurgled an apology. j " Again !" cried Colingbourne, striking him a terrific blow with one open hand. Once more the -'gurgled apology. " Louder, you hound ; I -can't hear you !" said Colingbourne, with an emphatic kick. And loudly Simeon apologised, "and swal- \ lowed the insult he had given, with the tears rolling down his face, and his whole body shaking with fear. After the third apology Colingbourne lifted him clean off his feet, flung him on to a bench in the comer, and, removing his tattered gloves, threw them aside with the remark that he would not be polluted by the touch of such a thing. Simeon had never forgotten that day, and he cherished a deadly hatred of the swe,U, whom he hated with the hate of a sublime fear. He was ever plotting to circumvent Lieutenant Colingbourne by some underhand means or other. Though Joskins promised Simeon to tell Lieutenant Colingbourne that he was going to win, he did exactly the opposite, and on the night before the races he vowed -to Colingbourne that ( he knew he could not win. But he overreached himself. Colingbourne had noted with an amused smile the assiduous attentions paid by Joskins to the brunette barmaid. He met the young lady that night as she was off to bed. "You can find out from mm in the morning what he is going to do. Let me have a. wire on the course, and I'll not forget you, Pearl," said the gallant lieutenant. The girl looked with shining eyes at him. He always had been irresistible to women. "You shall know, never fear," x she replied, leaving her hand' in his ; "I've got him wet, and he'll tell me anything." Poor Joskins, he had no chance against so superior a rival. A gentleman by birth, breeding, and education, this exarmy officer carried all womenkind by storm. The next morning on the course he got a telegram: "He means to win. Has put me on a tenner. Good luck. Pearl." Con was. surpised to find that someone else besides his master was backing Rocket heavily. Instead of going out at tens or twelves to one, the horse came down to fours and threes, and finally started a 2 to 1 against favourite for the race! Eaphael' Simeon studied the situation with blank amazement. When he heardi that Lieutenant Colingbourne had backed Rocket at tens and nines to_on« to a hundred pounds he chuckled "with joy. That was the game they had arranged. But when Rocket reached fours, and he got the whisper that it was stable money, he turned an ashen grey and the air was sulphurous with profanity. He was not long left in doubt. Joskins led from start to finish, and beat a very weak opposition by 20 lengths. Then did Raphael Simeon discover that he had been, sold, and he swore to have as deep a revenge on Joskins as. he had sworn, to have from Lieutenant Colingbourne. The latter/ gentleman had a very cheerful win on Rocket, and the beautiful barmaid at the Canterbury received a vei^ pretty bangle from him as a reward. She also received £40 from Joskins as her share of the tenner he had promised to put on for her. And Joskins returned home to ride at Gatwick the following week, qui^e innocent of the plot that was being matured for his downfall at that meeting. Simeon and his bookmaker friends had been heavily hit by Joskins and by Lieutenant Colinigbourae, and they arranged a supriee for Joskins at Gatwick that came a 6 a surprise indeed, both for the plotters and the man. whom they had plotted against. Both Joskins and Con put commissions early on the market to back the Cossack colt. They knew they had a emasher in The Skirmisher, and they went for a thumping win. There were eight starters in the Maiden Steeplechase at Gatwick. Florendean, Peep o' Day, and Cross Roads, all five-year-olds, were weighted at list 31b each. Tamarind, Strathlyne, and Punch Ladle, 4yrs, carried list. The Skirmisher, 4yrs, was let in with 10st 101b ; and Rotator, 4yrs, carried lOst 71b. Lieutenant Colingbourne, a spectator, mindful of the easy way in which The Skirmisher had beaten his field at Lingfield, had a century oil the horse at fours to one. Tlie public took the hint, and The Skirmisher was soon established favourite, despite the facfr that a really strong commission had been put on the market about Punch Ladle. Con was most impressive about giving his master riding orders. "Look it here,, sorrl Don't je get shut

in! Lie about thurrd, or maybe fourth', fur the furst moile; but, by the powers, look out fur the wather. 'Tis there yell fit pocketted ef yez are not extry careful., f ye foind 'em too close to yez oomin,* to the wather, dear out from thim ant.come^ away by yersilf. The .horse ,can lave 'em army toime. Now, moind pwhah Oi say," he went on agonisingly. "Git a, clear run at the wather, an' the divil take 'em all ef yez git safeover!" Joskins was nervous. It was the biggest flutter he had as yet had, and he was correspondingly disturbed by the importance of his mission. He went out for his preliminary in a very uncomfortable frame of mind, and not even the gorgeous' glory of hie gieen and red spotted racing jacket ' was able to cheer his spirits and raise him ( from a lamentable lethargy. 5 The race was like most other Maiden , Steeplechases, but Joskins was horrified to i find that as they approached each fence , Peep o' Day and Cross Roads were be- ! coining more and more attentive to him. For the first three fences the professional riders of those two 'chasers had alternately hidden the fences from his sight, and The Skirmisher had literally jumped theni with his eyes shut. Later on, with the familiarity that is bred by contempt, Cross Roads, in emulation of his name, came right across from the left and lan I down tbe fence in front of The Skirmisher. It was only by a supreme effort j on the part of the Cossack colt, who actually cleared the hindquarters of Cross j Roads as well as the fence, that a collision was averted. As it was, Joskins landed on the colt's neck, and' for the best part of a furlong he careered along in that most ungraceful attitude ere he managed* to regain his seat. Had he been a wise man with initiative of his own he would) i have put on all steam, caught and passed j his annoying antagonists, and showed then* I a clean pair of heels for the rest of the ' journey. But, publish it not in tbe gates, Jossy had seen the red light! Oh, that* awful red light ! Red light — danger ! And Joskins had just eeen it ac he cavorted along on his horse's neck. Yes, the "pros" on Cross Roads and Peep o' Day had got' 1 him "set," and they meant to give him a . toss. He shivered all over like a Vanilla I jelly. Black care, grim death, and blue ( murder loomed before his watery optics. Ho took hold of The Skirmisher, who* was bowling along well in his stride, and 1 who could easily have left his field, and pulled him back, with the intention of whipping in the field until the last fence ' had been negotiated. To his undiluted , horror he found himself shait in, with > Cross Roads on one side, Peep o' Day on the other, and two 'chasers thundering , just behind him. He could do nothing but go straight ahead, and right in front of him were Tamarind and Rotator ! Just what Con had dreaded had come about.. Joskins was absolutely pocketted, and his time had come. As they raced at the big water-jump *Peep o' Day closed in from the outside and Cross Roads got his hindquarters level with The Skirmisher's ribs. Two strides from the jump Cross Roads baulked, and incidentally slewed round. This knocked: The Skirmisher flying into Peep o' Day, and the two horses smashed into the water, Dne on top of the other. Joskins remembered nothing after he fell : into the water. He got smashed on the 1 head by The Skirmisher's hoofs, and all ! his ribs were kicked in by Peep o' Day.. j He b*ame unconscious, and" was fished! put with grappling irons when he was nearly drowned. The attendant ambulance carted him away to an adjacent hospital to be mende3. Meanwhile, as The Skirmisher was floundering put of the water jump, an excited Irishman in breeches and boots jumped off a hack and, dashing into the melee, collared The Skirmisher and fairly hauled him to terra flrma. In agonised accents he called for hie "Masther!" But even the strength of his brogue was insufficient to reanimate the battered and hatf-drowned rider of the Cossack colt. Con, who happened to be tho excited Irishman, didn't wait two seconds. " Hould me haack till Oi come back!" he shouted to the. bystander who had been doing that very thing for the last two ."minutes ; and with one spring he was on the back of The Skirmisher. Stirrupless, for Joskihs's short leathers were all too snort for Con, hatless, and coatless — for -Con had just ridden over from the saddling paddock to see the -field clear "the wather," the Irish groom sent the Cossack colt home with a " Hurroo I* that made the horse fairly spriner into tlha air. Two fences in front was Tamarind, leading by a length from Punch Ladle, who wae some six lengths ahead of Florendean. AH the others were down. The Skirmisher flung the ground under him as if the devil was on his back, and cleared) the fences as they came along in hia stride. Inside of half a mile he hae| collared the leaders, who were mere cat'smeat in comparison with this smashing thoroughbred son of The Cossack. Going on like a. steam engine, Con passed- .the post, easing up, first by fifteen lengths abcad of Tamarind. Con tipped the scale without the saddle at list 41b, and, of coure^, The Skirmisher was declared the winner. Pait 26 of the National Hunt Rules says : " And in the event of a rider being disabled, his horee may be ridden home by any person of.sufficient weight, provided he be qualified according to the conditions of the race.No penalty shall be exacted for carrying overweight in this instance." Therefore Joskins's bank balance waa once again augmented by a very substantial sum. But the exposure of The Skirmisher's form was mc*t unfortunate. Top from lOst 101b he jumped to list 121 bint his next engagement, to Con's supremo disgust. _ » ■ Joskin& "was in hospital for thre* months, most of which time «vaa passed iflu * layer of plaster of Paris ; and wheny ultimately, he was discharg''d repaired, h« swore by all the gods that ever were that never, never, never again would he be sueh 1 a fool as to ride in a steeplechase ptf hurdle race I