TEMPERANCE COLUMN

Otago Witness, Issue 2811, 29 January 1908, Page 66

TEMPERANCE COLUMN

THE PUBLICHOUSE SIGN AND. THE

! WATER FOUNTAIN.

. ,Bx E.B.'Hatcheli.^ , . ' ' '.'Oh;ideaf!_ oh, dripped the

Fountain^-" / , „ l . ;,"•-' '"" ;"W,hat's -.wrong?" inquired the" Eublic-houfiefSign-^l^Bags of J Mischief " s -by name^-,; -across ''the -Jroad/'' -'-'.- '*- , . ■= ,* . ~' j <- } 1"" Tta feelingffso' 'depress.cd < this. e.yehing,;^ •plashedCtEerJlountein.' -i' Didri^t^oTi hear: -thoße-"m|p.l^Tili stjood "talkinsr the •road :about^ Tan, hour 1 ]ago?' ■ ',BviVperhaps^ "you-are^^p-high^upf— '—"^ "' .-- '."-i.'^ri _- "Not 'a/bit l-.J-epliedHhe Sign:- "Bhear. 'many conversaiaonfi^that- take side^this-pub?— more^than I like sometimes^ ' amilO" feet"Mgh ! My paint ! I\ often think" if V'we? Publiohouse Signs "cbjild only go. up and down the land telling "wb-at evils we, have "seen" resulting „from -this ! -Liquor" Traffic, the whole ' country would „jbe\ roused^ to "such a pitch of righteous' indigriation that the Trade wmild be swept -but of the land: within six months! 'Talk of" Temperance speakers exaggerating , the, evils- 1 and" using intemperate- language— bah !■ ,j., j . The dictionary 1 does not contain words strong enough to .described ,tbis . abominable traffic, this mighty curpe !". ~ - " : '.:','' ', " And yet your pub. is 1 said to be such' a respectable house?" trickled the Foun-. tain." "- -_~ ■" "" - "•".,. "Respeotable 1" .echoed the. Sign indignantly. • "There is absolutely ' no respect- • ability in-a "trade "which .is destructiye oorf r reverything- that- is^ goody and. promotive" of everything that- is bad j which ,blot6^and_ .blights, tears and rots, degrades, and destroys .everything it 1 touches !v'-.-I/ see it doing this, every • dajr of the week, so I -know what, l. am" talking about! ' But you haven't told- me yet what's wrong with, you to-day?" "' T "I said^l was feeling depressed," dripped the l^ouht^dn.; ,' ' '; ' -\ ''■':- . - • -'_, ■" You, ; ;df - ill -.things, sTiouldn't .feel «Le-, pressed," Replied the Sign. , "I have ,'gdod cause • toVif^ -yoii'.Uke-^biit ' ! - No ;,one ever.- visits lyou \ without, -'going-^awiayi 'the' "better. /foV itr - "Alaa ill dare holhsay^that;^ ■£ 'i That* just it !"• trickled the^Fountain. ."I don't Vant.to^ brag;? bjdt I can-say^-I, ne.v^r -' do'"p feopte; anyfchuig but > goodi " -Apdf yet,'.<lid y^u^hear -those men just now talking ' about a letter, "signed by~l6 v doctors, recommending^ the ; use alcoholic xbeverages? Not a word about my lifegiving properties!"" - " • \ '-'"' The Sign fairly - creaked .with laughter. «^Oh !— that precious letter," said -the Sign;' "I --should just think I have heard about it"}- ,Why; I see all our customers with it in their hands, ' and I hear say there's a box full of them, marked / Pleaae take one,' ■in every pub. in ' the town ! Wondeyful> generous we _bfecome all of a sudden ! - Why, as you know, .we don't" give much 'free, gratis, and for nothing' j in our pubs!' "We make our* customers pay highly even for water I" - "-Really !" „ splattered -the Fountain. "And here lam and charge nothing " "I " mean," explained the Sign, " that our drinks aTe more than half water, but that .'don't, make" them .any cheaper! For instance,'a .barrel of aleselh? for £3 and contains 1*44: quarts;, now 130 quarts^ of this is water — so the water fetches £2 and more-! I've heard say that licensed victuallers y in various towns have opposed - municipal -.'temperance," placards^ob jected. to the" expense: ; They "don't seem to coneider" "expense' injthis." matter' of printing" arid scattering, "broad cast ",this letter ..igned by -15 doctors!", ". ■ "-."" Sixteen^" -corrected- tlie Fountain. . ""'O'h;i6-.was'it?!- said . tb\e- Sign:. ' lt Well. .consider^Qgs-JbhVre^ar^ ..some 49,0Q0;medical practitioners -,in^this:land, 16 seems "rather^ ;ani inconsiderable 4 ', ! nnrnberl' Sixteen doc : : tors !". -What about -the 15,000 doctors, who signed, the petifion,tb,rthe Government^ not' long agoj ufging^'the 'teaching* of hygiene and- temperance in the" Isckools ?_- Why

"didn't .the liijuor Trade . get. that document printed and distributed Among theiT customers — if it is really., the health of the nation they desire? Everyone is laughing at this precious letter by tlhe 16 doctors, and saying it v written =in ' loose, indefinite, unscientific language I' v Rumour says ° it was drawn up by a brewer's -barrister, but-appaiently he could get only- 16 signatures to it I Of course, everyone knowß that scientific faots and common experience ara all against the statement* "made in this letter." ' - * "In what way?" t inquired the Fountain; "You arc- so well -up in the. subject, while I^l »»_ . „_ _ _ L i'Tve stood here, as you know, lor 20 yeara," said the .Step ; "bo 1 think it's time I knew something about Hhe Drink question ! I say~ that facts plainly: contradict these- 16 .doctors' fancies. - For instance, insurance"* societies 'prove plainly^ that total absjtainers"' outlive r" moderate drinkers (a)'. " $hereVr no imagination or sentiment about' insurance : societies j : it's a case of pounds/ eKilluigs, aiid' p§noe with them ! "Again; navSiig .discovered that alcohol is Tiot sof useful "as" >bT drug a* it . was- formerly;, thought to. 'be, use' it comparatively- little^ noVin^-the-- large! '"hbßpitalsv(B).'- As > regards"r'alcoh6l as" a« beveragS; 'there-are- 150; million^Kfahbme--dans; add-some 4oo million ißaddhists^who" . abstain' on T'eligious^ grounds. Then, ' think. Jthe", inillioris. oi^abstainere'-Tn • this ".and . Jbther^ J'ajidsiMSroj'Tio!— the- -'belief/ iii.alcoholicliguorsi»notbo''uniyersar. among 'civilised mankind' ,' as"\the%e ,16 doctors „' maintain! .So cheer up, old- chum; youra is the finest drink going; and if there were not such* a* number , of fools in the world folks would have found it out long ago. But, ) if I'm not very- much mistaken, total abstinence is gaming ground- every, day. 1 Why, didn't I hear my landlord telling another licensed victualler lately that Salts, the" great brewing firm, is bankrupt, and 1 Allsopps had to write _off another £5,000,000, and the population of Burton-on-Trent' is " going down, 'and a -brewery there lias been, turned into "a bakery I" "Did you really?" trickled the Fountain. "Well,-Tm sure I'm glad to hear it! If- people, would only .learn to drink water it would be better for their, health and, their pockets. \My_pure, sparkling water,; there's nothing haft so good! It never broke a mother's heart, nor ruined a reputation/- or.; brought' a „man -to the gallows and. v * blighted' ' th[e' happijiew of. a_ home! . Who say -the ; Waine of -your" stuff." " " Don't !"" creaked the^Sign.- >I declare -I r hate -^this -job ! _3i I lweren't,»BO .firmly, ibced.iri 'ihe^ground- by 'Mia long>Btake/l'd" ?nave^ olefired off long C ago i Td -father cnqpce^-f-up./ into firewood; anjf-- day."than' f •aW^- ;here_ as'' a 'PitfUchotiße -Sign }"•-•• ?1 : ; i; J'BdtJ- Btjll,-'yqu'^do>^ker' »' of*warning ,to T every," customer vby-" means -of; youivtjtle," splasheafiK« i *'Fo'untain. • > r - v "Yes, "yoit wouM^tiank-v.'Bags* of -Mis--chief^ould' Be-cautio'n "enough, to .anyone^"--retorte<i the Sign. >t " And, sure .enough,. it describes, my <pub. * exactly !, Ph,^the mischief it -has caused J Tubere's Bob Walters "doing .10 years' penal servitude— all through 'the drink! There' svMrs Siminonds, in an asylum— tdrank herself mad I Mrs' Thompson "on trial now for' roasting^ her baby alive when v 'ehe waa. drunk and" did v not, know what she was doing^ugn l" p-~ ~ : ' ■

oing-Ttugu. ,v-- ." \- "I- must say," dripped the Fountain, "thatr besides* Having no such tefrrible tragedies'conneeted ;with my name, Thare a'vety superior class of -visitors.' 1 Look at that "> young, fellow % who ha* just had a drink and .gone on down the road.'* '.'"You* ate -right,"; reßponded' the Sign. " CJompare -liijn- with tKe, chaps who, come in my"*jplace! And even if they look^x*spectabftr and 1 welUdressed, when they commence coming to, my pub. they soon, get ~a* down in -the -heel' sort, of appearance, and the mpjre frequent "their Twits, the quicker,- the 'desc'enfc Fountain, old chum, -ftonyjl you \ >Oh, pity vie, I say ; I am- the one. to be;depreseed — not youl ' ,

Dr Nanserfs Testimony .-^Speaking in reference to bis last attempt to reach the North Pole", JDr Narisen f faid :— £My ,ex- j •^rienoe Reads' me' to -take, a decided-stand-akauist^^the^use7^'etimulants ,-and nar— . coticß ;©*, "all kinds; " It^» :often supposed that-,even. thoTighVipints" aire hot .intended' -f^i'iaijj; use, 'tKey.oudb.t-; tofbe.;'takenAon;. an .^xjpeditionrior - ' ~l^ w«uJd-r*eadily.. : adrai^ e 4ge ) *?«■- Q&W o**0 ** i ■ would show me.-^ : sin^lfe .'paee?i6:inueii • *^ch r 'a remedy -w«^ necessary;" but -until. is 5 'done^l shall* maintain' that' ; ihe' -pretext is ;not- sufficient, and. that the beat course is to ? banish «lcohol ic drinks from- the liet ot necessities of lan Arctic. e.xpedition."-