FUN AND FANCY.'

Otago Witness, Issue 2810, 22 January 1908, Page 78

FUN AND FANCY.'

— Jutt tfor aart'e .sake iss t»m superseded 'by art .for mart's -sake. — Tihe best test yst your ability -to do certain work is similar -vv^ork 'that you iiave done. - . . — "There axe a, couple xrf awful bores at my club. "—"lndeed? Who is the >ofher ! one?" v — Character is the inside decoration of man; reputation is the whitewash -on the outside: — You can -sell a .man -almost anything if you tell" him ibis next-door Jieighbour I wants it. ' I It -isn't the' quality -of the aneat, but. the .cheeffuiness of the guests that makes the "if east. -—A -game of skill is one at -vra'ich you win ; a ' gam/*' of chance one at which the other fellow does. — You can .convince the average -man -of almost .anything that he is' not as good as he a thinlcs Tie is. . \ - r Mabel: MMaxi-y ifou:? "Why, couldnH, sdress me.'" -George: "J asking ior a"position as lady- 6 * njaid." " ■_ -! — 'It takes -some people a long -time 'to realise that the rest of the worlfl -doesn't r really -care -what 'they think ol it.'r" ' , * 3-i.ittle "Willie: /'"I -say, .pa,-' whaJt .part' of speech is woman.?""-.-,Fa: "W^unan; nr?,' son, -is no jpart "of ,6peecb^-sheX6'-all'.oi 1 ..it r ! ' — "You" can make p, jjoocV guess 'tat what; children -get v . at > home 'by what -.they Hon't J .eat when JEKey go ,to- other houses., — Mjss : ''J. ,&om >a ,<kis8 v At -^ihe cnaxity fou five/ sKDlingal'Jj '_ Miss , .Frankneaa: "QZhat was while -eleotrio lights -were -out, >4hV* „,-'"■ i — "Ever', ; beenin""SiberiarKasfeea -th.c t«-« porteT.—^"Er—^e3,"'. -^aasw<wevß --^be di"tinguisheoLfßusaian -refugee. '-'I -tdbk'^a^knput- 1 ir.y there -one summer." \ • _ — : '"3Profeseor,"~6aid a\ senior, -trying lo( be .pathetic at .parting. "I am indebted you lor all J.ltnow."— "Eray aori*t mention *Buch a trffle !"- was -the reply., _ [ — Muggine- "TZ.ou x.%3trilt .mind , pao&. daughter's mistakes. You .know, -she plays entirely, toy -ear." Gugginsr. "I&ifortu-^ uately, that is alsb the -way I .listen^!" : — "J3r you (remember .anything -of Mr' 'J3 ?" — "Oh, -yes, "I «know him very well, 1 ' was the iep%v 'JSmoe he's -retired 3From 'business -Bonester /man -doesnit ibiteathe."—sClerk: '-fOan't-jJlease -the 'boss^any ', 3i I iiiave *& 'pen .'which doesn't .>he ;cai J s out, 'IPnomas, aren't .^you working?'.and .if I rhava "one that -does lie „gruirrblee .at the -ncUse. t - "" , „ •—The vpfisoner pleadeß ignorance of the ! ,law, -and fhe /ne%vly-app«>inte9 # .paid to 'him ( pompdusly, "Ignorance of v the 'law >is ,no .excuse." "The. jirfconei: -smiled, j r and quietlvj "Rather Tiard on i ■both .of .us, isn'.t it?" "And-, so' she is xery (queenly? I suppose .she's tie -kind of -woman -who Jis- never, -afraic! to enter- "the- grandest -drawing .roomi?" — <r Ob. more” majestic ' than/ tna"* I She>s the-jkind-of woman -who's jnever raid .to enter her own 'kitchen." _• ■ ■ ' ■=— "It iwas *careleag "of-rnie'-xfeo-my -Qiat i T i -admired- ißacon," .remarked .the Sroung wo■man' with yon offend, -spme J 'Shakespearean -student"?",rTL<*]Sp. It'-wa'? 'a jOhicago jiofk nackef. "He frigid^r remaikefl [ -that-he jdidn't care id talk '.shop." AMENDED. ' - i: "Oh.-TI tfould aie'Jfbxryou!" & ■saiJf. "No; live 2or ;me instead, . . , : -And'be" at -hand xfx> p*y ~th.e -billa w ' JFor JParis hats. j«a3 froefca, and 'frills, , "Also zny v board,i',she-"said. v- — "How's the asked the 'wit. "She's -a little duck," replies "mamma. '"Then mamma's a. goose, "l suppose. "Come onow, that'js unfair," said>;papa.' "What if I| told youMOiat I generajly caUli'the 'baby a' -little morikey-r-should you call ,me an "ape'?" ' "I. should (call ,a— iparent," replied the incorrible one. —At tjrhs -end of 'the ''dinner shared by ( Tom -and J3ick there came ta of fruit which bore, but one apple.' Straightway, Tom began to' wail. "Now what's 'the matter?" >said his -mother. "What iare ■you' jcrying-'for .now?" '^Because," - said Tom, , -.with -mournful 'dignity, -"because there is no ; apple ,for, 'Dickie." — The man who was* "rolling stone" exclaimed to Jus iriend, "I -wish "I /knew "how; to get along well." "I, can tell .you,*" ■saidfHs ifriend; "send ifor one of fhose artesian -chape >and ask him to 'bc*e .you ■ vone." "Oh, /don't taJJc nonsense ! ( If "I .wanted any boring -done/, I .should send 'for., you and'your silly jokes." ■» l ; — Two young men were having a heated; argument. ove» a problem which needed. ,a ..great dea! -eff „mental calculation. "1^ ;tell you'," eaid one, "that you -are -entirely - 'wrong." "But lam not;" said the oSier. ."Didn't I go to- school, '"-stupidi!*', almost, roared hii opponent. 'TTes," -was -th^ calm reply.; '"and you came back stupid." "TiatJ ended it. ' ',"-', "Ls there not," -asked the prison /visi-j; tor, >: 'Bome jine or two .from . the 3Jible that would be- helpful to you? "Something that would serve ac a shibboleth, ,a. "motto , " '"Yes," interrupted ihe eagerly, is one motto Ild.like^to 'take if I could -only live up "to it." "And what'i3 that?" " r We are here to-day and gone ' 'to-ncorrow.' " "Tliat ion. tof eoa!l Jooks to "me mbcutt. half a ton short," said a family man, "And, '. by thunder, 'I'll have it weigh-ed. The way; sonre of these coal-dealers cKea't is v»ickefl.'' v After ie-lad -weighed.it' he said to .his, wife.: 'It's all right-; weighs about aj hundredweight over."^-yLHb\y. much u will 4 you liave to .pay for T.ho -extsa weight,;] John?" — 'Nothing. That's -their -.mistate,. not mine." ' ' ' — The old soldier was in -a talkatwsa, moodi: "Did 1 ever >sjee 'WelKnjrton? "Why. ] of course 1 did, I :was -lying on -the acEouud: 3"'card fhe sound 6' 'osses' 'eofe. ana soon -a. vjaiee callea out, 'Is thai you, Saun'aexs'?' I knowed fhe "voice in a hinatant, —it was the T)ook of Wellinjrton. sir, sez I, jnost respectful. " 'Come 'ere, sez, 4ho Docik. I riz reluctant from the .ground, t 'for I was tired out. He sez to me .when. I came near him, iSaunders, I want you, to, .go back 'ome. J 'Wiy?' sez I. 5B&:, cause, you're. -killin'. too many people, s£Z S i;ho Dook.->And 'orae I went!" . ~ I — -&.h- old >icar had a' groom whoJiadf been i detected stealing' Jiis master!*, -atHs.* The vicar had jiot decided \what -jeourße to - take, atfd meantime the groom hafl gone'to? the curate to ask <himto plead for -him.; and-tho-sympathetio yonng fellow fastened to -the rectory, to appeal -to the vicar. 'lEne i old -vicar heard his curate out, but looked obdurate, so, as a last resource. ,the curate 1 quoted Scripture as ajplea for leniency, and 'said we were -taujrht, svhen .a jnan/took. our coat, to Jet 3iim' .fhe cloak as ; -well. "Thaf s true," m aid Ticar. >drrjy:i

"an 3, as the. fellow has taken my .oats, lam 'going 'to "him 't3ie sack." '— A aninister 'in one . .di the Southcm. States^-of America ~was .recenfiy asked to perform -the maTriage -xxreraany by a young negro -couple. 'As he "hafl employed tlje groom 'for .a year or two he .consented, knowing -what .prestige would some io the couple 'by reason of having been married by a "vs&ite minister. At 'the appointed time 'the happy .pair arrived, .and 6he cere- | ltiony .jjroceeiied. - "Do .you take this man ! for better,' .tor worse?" the jminister askeiS. "No, sa'h; Ah don't," the dus&y JbriSe. '.'Ah'll take Jiim jest -like he is.- Jf 'he | was to\get any .better, IVse 'iraid he'd "die; ; an' if 3ie was to get any wus, Ah\d till | him myself." -. i '-=:^