HUMOUR

Opotiki News, Volume II, Issue 243, 6 October 1939, Page 1

HUMOUR

HE KNEW THE ANSWER Teacher: “Johnny, what- is a cannibal?” Johnny: “1 don’t know.” Teacher: “What would you be if you ate your mother and father?” "Johnny: “An orphan!” -if - * * is- * -isFJ BED .Boss; “You're sacked!” Office-boy: "Bint what have- 1. done?” Boss: "Nothing—that’s why you’re sacked!” * * « SPEEDY hirst Boaster: "1 can run so fast that the poles next to the track, lock like a fence!” Second Booster: "You call that running! Why. 1 ran a race, ami; wiic-u i passed the winning lino my shadow was fifty yards behind!” CO BRTXT Swollen-headed Big-Game Hunter: “L was standing in the jungle, face to face with a lion. Aly only means of defence was ;u native drum. Wlnit do you think 1 did?” Bored Listener: “Boat it!” ******* SQL ASH ED Lodger; "1 say, there no,towel, sponge or soap in the bathroom this morning!” Landlady: ."Well, you’ve got a tongue in your head, haven’t you?” Lodger: “Yes. but 1 ain’t a l/lmlvin’’ cat!”. ’ -:<■ ** * * * ■/. T’K'ET 11 -11 R IOA K E : R Guest (during: party): “These buns are as hard as a rock!” Friend: “Of course; Didn't you hear the hostess shy as she passed the plate around, ‘Take your pick’?”

THE! REASON Undo: “What Jesson do you like best: s’’ 5 ’’ Tonnriy : “Goo-graphy lessons.” Uncle: •'Why?” Tommy: “’Cbs tile atlas is the cy,ly book big enough to hide my “funny” paper when 1 read it in school!” * 7f * * * * * NO NEED TO WASH IT? Jim’s mother . was giving him a •sound scolding. ‘‘.How dare you leave your neck so dirty r” she demanded. “Geo whiz!” exclaimed Jim. “Anyone would think I Wasn’t going to wear a. collar!” SURE TO RISE A man brought an aero of land, and went to live on it. One day lie was late coining in to tea, so bis wile went to look for him. She found a tree had fallen cm him, so she rushed heme and got some self-raising Hour and fed biit: on it. As he rose; she propped file tree up. Then she starved him for three days, and was able to pull him out! ■* ***** * SAFE Mother: “Now. Johnny, can't have the hammer to play with—you’ll only hit your lingers!” Johnny: “Oh, no. I won’t, mummy —Joe is holding the nails!” 11 IGK-!< TV IN G HARDEN LN G -Mr. .Brown; “.My hollyhocks were set tall last year that d had to use a ■step ladder to tie them up.” .Mr. Smith: “Von were lucky. .Most cf mine were -ruined by passing aeroplanes!” . ' . « -S £- * *• * * WENT ONE BETTER. Yeung Alec . watching painte r at work) : ‘‘How many .coats of paint do you" put ell?” ’ Painter: “Three, my hoy.*” Young Alee (trying to be smart): “Then if you' put cm four, the fourth would he an overcoat, wouldn’t it ?” .Painter: “Sure—and a watte coat!”