HUMOUR

Opotiki News, Volume II, Issue 242, 4 October 1939, Page 1

HUMOUR

OBYIOUSLjY! Master: ‘'Ju what battle did Lord Nelson Jose his life ?” Bright Boy: “Please, sir. Ids last!” *’ * * * * * * * NO SALK Lady in shop (buying a pair of stockings); -‘But' these stockings have a ladder in them!” Assistant: “Well, madam, what did you expect tor sixpence—a mable staircase ?” ******* EXPENSIVE Schoolmaster: “it you do not improve, Smith, i shall ask your father to call and see me.” Smith: “I shouldn't- do that, sir. My father's a doctor, and he charges half a guinea a visit!” ******* REAL IRISH ■Sergeant (to Irish recruit) up, or you’ll be late for parade!” Pat; “i’ni looking for jny belt!” „ Sergeant: “Why*** "ybu’rc wearing it!” Pat: “Begorra, so I. am! if yon hadn’t- told me, I should have gono on parade without it!” * * ***** NEXT BEST “Hey,” reared the angry diner, “4 ordered chicken soup!” —■ “Well, you see. sir,” safd the waiter meekly, “we didn’t have any chicken soup, so L thought I’d give you the g-c. next best—the water we boil tile eggs in.” *•&***r * * J CORRECT Teacher: ‘‘Tommy, if your father earned live pounds a week and he gave your mother seven-eighths of it, what would she have?” juTominy: “Please, miss, a- lit!” * * * * * * * * NOT THEIR ROUTE A lady on a cruise, noticing that the boat w:t s 'moving rather slowly, asked the reason. She was told that it was because of the log. “But it is quite clear above!” sho persisted. “Yes. madam.” replied; the officer to whom site had spoken; “But we’ro not going that way unless the boilers . hurst!” ******* FISHY Applicant; “And if i take the job, pm I to gel a rise every year?” Em Iv'l°YkrJ. 1 v ' l °Yk r J. “Yes., provided, of course, that your is satisfaet-. - ory.” -■ A])plieaut: ‘‘Alt. i thought there was a catch in it somewhoro!” ******* ; WORTH SNAPPING A teu-year-oldi boy rushed into the shop. “Father’s being chased by a bull!” lie cried. “What can 1 do about it ?” asked the shopkeeper. “Put a new roll of film in ’my camera!” answered the boy. * * * * * * * A HOLY TERROR. Father: “Every time you’re naughty I get a grey hair.” Harold: “You must have been a. terror. Look at grandfather.” - -