SCHOOLBOY “HOWLERS”

Opotiki News, Volume I, Issue 12, 18 March 1938, Page 1

SCHOOLBOY “HOWLERS”

A “SUPERFINE VARIETY” Combing the world for schoolboy, “howlers,” the (Eiuglish humorist, Cecil Hunt, presents what he describes as “a superfine variety.” .He is now sending a gale of laughter' round the world ill his priceless collection • presented in book* form under the title “Hand-Picked Howlers i” Mr Hunt assures readers that every “howler” is authentic, checked'in the majority of cases by the examination papers themselves. Edmund Blampied lias supplied! illustrations as amusing as the “licwlers.” Here are a few specimens:— . t,An Epistle is the wife of an Apostle. In the United States people are always put to death by elocution. A boy. called upon to define a demagogue replied: “A demagogue is a pot-bellied vessel for holding liquor.” Another pupil revealed an original viewpoint on Russian politics. He described the Soviet as “the article the middle-classes call their napkin.” Other specimens:—

What, is an Occasional Office in the Prayer Book? —An occasional office is one that is not used regularly, such as the consecration of a. cemetery or the churching of a Bishop. Louis XVI was gelatined. Catarrh is. a musical instrument, especially in Spain. If the Premier dies, who officiated? —An Undertaker. Philosophy means being able to. explain why you are happy, even when you are poor. Algebra is the wife of Euclid. The Prodigal Son wasted his substance on riotous loving. One boy showed a contempt lot' women when he informed the examiner that “the difference between a window and a widow is that you can see through a window.” And here is a profound thought oh politicians: — “The politicians turn to and fro in their complexity, weaving and unweaving their combinations. The boy who wrote the following was surely no Scot : “The bagpipes are Scotland’s national instrument. Xo. other nation has taken to them. Who was Dickens —Dickens was a celebrated bookmaker. Paraffin is next in the order of angels to Seraphims. Ali Baba means being away when the crime was committed. Thomas a Becket lived u'dissipated life. Three nights killed him.

Although listed as a "howler ’ the lad who. replied that "when you cross a. city street you must have all your fatalities about you.” certainly knew something about traffic problems..