FUN AND FANCY.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XXXVI, Issue 10060, 30 January 1909, Page 4 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY.

Foresight is where we are able to blun- ( der into success ■without looking surprised. i Hirum: "Was ye'r house damage*! by ( that there cyclone?" Ike: "Dunno. 1 j hain't found it yit." , ( Politics is like the drug habit, it may weaken, and age, and weary, and even . destroy you, but it is very difficult to give , it up. . , A heckler began a question, "Now, sir, ( I've a school in my eye " "No, pardon c me," said Mr Runciman, "you, have only a one pupil." A teacher was explaining to a little girl - how the trees develop their foliago in tho springtime. "Ah, yes," said the little I miss, "I understand;. they keep their summer clothes in their trunks." Farmer: "See here, boy, what yor doin' up that tree?" Boy: "One of your peare

fell off I lie tree nn' I'm trying I" I'M & back." "What shall I play?" asked tin'urgaiisl of an absent-minded clergyman, 'AVIut sort, of 11 hitiKi ImVl' you got?" ytm tl* unexpected reply. Fortune-teller: "Your future Inistoiii will bo (nil, liavo dark complexion, mull* very wealthy." The Caller: "Now tell uif another thing. Mow can 1 gel rid »fmv present. husband?" ( Tho Minister: "Then you ilon't thini I practice what. I proarli, eh'Hi! Dearon : "No, sir, I don't. Nimve Iw [irenehin' on Ihe. subjec.' o' resignationlot twn years, nn' ye liivna resigned yit," The Agent:'"No family is <.ini|il(li without (hew fifteen volumes of W •World's llest Literature."' The Oihu: "I linve got twelve children, hixl and ten relatives n-visiling mi', an' il'M ain't n complete family 1 don't Theatrical Manager: "iMaguilirent, )it! There are scenes in your comedy thj Shakespeare could not have wrillt'Ji Young Author : "You ant too hind, really. Theatrical Manager: "Not at :i 11, sir. Take, for instanc?', that railway iiina«h ill the third act." The poetical young man willi miillil eyes was walking with his miilliT-uf-litt brother by the brooksido. "I low tin stream losses in its slumber!" Ii« <'<' claimed. "Yes," answered his hnillitt. "and you would, too, if your lied w# full <if stones." Customer: "Why, J thought, yon unW him 'the colt";" Ostler : "Sure, yer taw, and that's the name he's had for 1 liu M twenty years, and lie sticks to it respectable baste, the same as youiwlff "Yes; wo were disappointed in peasantry." "As to how?" "They itlwljl seemed to be working. We never full™ them dancing or singing in chorus." "What are those notches in your (B* asked the flirt, who was waiting W ranch. "They represent men," Cactus Sim, "who thought they «<j smarter than I wuz." "0 good, idea! ™ have to notch my parasol handle." "Y'ou's got to put a certain amount ot dependence on yohsef," said Uncle HIW "De man dat goes aroun' looking foil I l * much advice jx liable to find hiiwd 11 do position of de gummaii dat cin * interested l readin' de time-table tiftt misses his train." An old Irish laborer walked into M luxurious studio of an artist and n«W for money to obtain a meal, as In; ** too weak to work, 'l'be artist gave l)|® a shilling, and then, seeing possiliM'" for a sketch in the queer old fell"*] said : "I'll givo you half a dollar if .v" 11 " let me paint you." ".Sure," said the nW'i "it's an easy way to make money, ImJ"" but I'm wonderin' how I'd get il "If. "Any complaints, corporal?" .--ai<J colonel, making one morning a jiwuaj inspection. "Yes, sir. Taste that, sakl the corporal promptly, The colon' 1 put the liquid to his lips. "Why." said, "that's the best soup 1. ever taiitw' "Yes, sir," said the corporal, "and tl |# cook wants to call it coffee." It is but seldom, one imagine), tlinl ' really good joke is mudo about an Edmand Yates, howover, in hit, "K'fir lections and. Experiences," relates ')»'•• was walking with liim one evening,' l ' olll tho club," writes Yates, "ami, paiisinK *■ fish shop in Now street hu noticed t#' different tubs of oysters, one marked a dozen,' and the other Is 3d a d«/.ii). "How tliey must hate each other!' M 1" Thackeray. When the littlo girl returned fro'" school, tho mother inquired, with curiosity:—"Were your problems ""j I .'), 1 dear?" "No, mamma," replied the 'J 11 ' "They were all wrong." "All wronn*" peated the amazed parent. "Oh, Ir sorry." "Well, mamma, you don't w'N to bo sorry," was the reply. "AH other mammas had tlleirs wrong. tooA remarkable operation upon an asytu' n patient, wlio swallowed a knife and ft'* l was described ill the roport of the Hi" l ' mond Asylum (Dublin) Visiting ('"""'"J' teo. "I' am happy to state," the concluded, "that the pntiunl has n |a " a good recovery."