MISAPPLIED SCIENCE.

Oamaru Mail, Volume I, Issue 100, 16 August 1876, Page 3

MISAPPLIED SCIENCE.

Vhoiifc it week a;;., the New York .'fcilgcr" published the statement that « ~li'in New tlarupMhire, who had U»tt l' 1 1,1,. to sj.on.lc for five year*, wont to'u,,, duo night, with aipudof tobacco in I'ijinoutli. ami awoke the next morning '.((Hi his voice perfectly strong and smooth jinl steady. *>ld Mr. Jarvis, who liv** |' |lt ,' m pond-street, is sorely afHieted with in his speech, arid often ' lV!) lui would give a hundred dollars if he I,'nlit only " fc-6-h-fc-taw- f-t'-f-f-fast ' | | l ,„,;|, t'tdo fc-t-tftt a gug'gug^gug- ; grocer jlwiidie w-w wn.ut.~i bub-bubdmb before he ', l i ! ».i'U'.''gt. , t« it measured out." He takes* hclger," and lukl taken it for ~l V„ nty-r.hrce years, and ho firmly believed ( ',' v ,,i'V thing lie read in it ; Sylvanus t'obb'* Mi-- Beecher's sermons, Mr. I'arLive:* of Eminent Americans, the iiishti'* to correspondents—Mr. Jarvis | ni | tiiketi them ail Lu and believed every „'„ r ,l. He thought that! probably the .nid-of-Tobaeeo treatment might help his ''„ii:t: a little, and he to. give it a ,',inil. trial anyhow. The first t-ottblo was *|,i,t he didn't eliew, and Mrs. Jarvis l,„ilil uevir allow a hit of tobacco about; j|i,i house. I!iit he begged a big "ehaw " „l'ii navvy, and when he went to bed fie tiwkuil it snugly away in his cheek, and ppiu'cit to sleep iu hope. lie had his iiiisyivingK, and they grew in number and in strength its tiie quid began assert ilsulf, ami bo sociable, ami assimilate ijsulf with its surroundings, Sirs. Jarvis uskuil him if he fastened the front..gate, "fin," said Mr. Jarvis, meaning that he liiul. " Ami are you sure you locked the trout dnoi'!" ipuTH'il his restless spouse. "fui," replied Mr. Jarvis, meaning llmtlio had not. for he was by this time in m> condition to open his mouth. " Hey J" she replied. "fin," persisted Mr. Jarvis. | " What i" she demanded. " f ni-iii-m"'" protested Mr. Jarvis. "Well," said-she, "you eau'f. make me Imliuvn yon are that near asleep this soon." '• fiiHu-uil" said Mr. Jarvis,. meaning Hint he would- get up anil bounce her out if. fchu iloor if she didn't hold her clack. Presently she sat Up in bed. ISuiff .' nil!'! ".John Jarvis!" she exclaimed, 'if I ilou'fc smell tobacco in this house, 'in :i sinful woman. Don't you smell it ?" "It," replied Mr.. Jarvis ; which by nfiirnrctiitiorv is, that he didn't smell anyliiiiu', ii-nd was going to-sleep. "Its in this very room," she persisted •Mtcilly. "fin," said Mr. Jarvus, meaning, that liu must b« etazy, " Its utnler the bed!" she screamed. 'Tlairo's a burglar under the bed .' *>h, inl[>! ,fin>! police! John JarvU.'.'!" mUmote Mr. JatVta a furious pelt iu the imiMiih to waken'term tip. _ j It was ii. terri>w feJrt«wfe>>, ami its fk»t -| Iwj; wnS. to kuook all the atmosphere out j f Mr. Jarvis' I tings* so far that he could ' mly recover his breath by a violent v.asp, j rliir.li lirst carried the quid of tobacco, ■. ml till the nicotine preparation, that it had ' wen steadily ilistflling down, his throat, | ml was in.uit«di,',tidy succeeded by a j loinimilous I'lmgTi, as he struggled to ri;-e | l|imhi:il, which shot the ipiid s< t uarely j nti> the eye of the shrieking Mrs. Jarvis. | " Miu'ilcf! murder!" she -...t-vauo.d. j ' I'm tabbed! fin- stabbed '. " | And John Jarvis choked and coughed mil spit, and coughed: and choked and j ilutuluiil Mrs. Jarvis by the throat and rind to choke idf her noisy i but he grew""ill" that he couldn't hold his grip, mil Mrs. Jarvis the moment her throat t»H.■UtansecE frotn his trembling presstvre, im»'fr«nu. th#half-strangh:!,! gurgles to the iihlimity <»f donl>le-edged screams, and iiihlu lionwinnvl with rue I oily. And the miijlihours bvoke into the house and found .buih'ooiu. Hfert looked and smelted like a | m'y-i'oom..rfa street ear,, with the siekest j mm thuy e*ur saw lying with his head j W the side of the bed,, groaning at the | |»tu uf a mile a .minute," and the worst | iiis'litened woman since the flood sitting j '!' lirsiite him, screaming faster than he J fi'i'imuil, whih; one of her eye* was iliwturtsil up with a black ipiid of tobacco. iViul that is the way Mr. Jarvis eaine to. tup litis "Ledger," and announces it as !»' miwt infamous, mendacious, pestilent liuut that ever disgraced p niruaisTu. j