SOLET'S BE MISERABLE

NZ Truth, Issue 1301, 20 November 1930, Page 7

SO LET'S BE MISERABLE

Smile Is An Ugly Things iand Song of The Times Is Doleful^

ORA W THE BLlimS—l^rm^st. Hands off our perfectly good depression! v ? sayij.citj^ ; business men are getting together to see Mafc carivbe done afcout lifting it* We misanthropes don't want it lifted. -The optimists haye had more: than a good, innings. - Now it's your turn; We're having a perfectly exhilarating time. 7 y .:■■*■ ..7 -.

WHO wants to return, anyway, to those ridiculously: disgusting! times when one couldn't walk dbwn the street wijthout meeting some - cheery, whistling ; fool; wjio insisted on .shaking hands, telling us how rich he was, _and buying us a drink— who wants to 'return to those times? Not you. Not I. We don't want any more free beer. Now, oh, happy days! The" cheery : whistling fool has. departed -out", of -"the land; the long; -lank, and lean, hungry, down-at-heel, black-garbed misanthrope has come into his own. VWe like it. „-• ' - • Strange 'how some people are riever content to let the other fellow have, a

swing of the hat. Our milkman is one of them. ,■ •".--.. -V .- V .-. V Anyway, the milkman couldn't find the top step with his ijoot, so his head found it. As if that. wasn't enough positive joy for one really, depressed morning, J ,the landlord came shortly afterwards. He, looked piriched about the face. Said .the- people up the road had given him only 30/- instead of the usual £2 rent. When he left us he looked, a delightful blue. We usually pay . him 25/-. We gave him only 2/6. That's v all we had. .-' ■ , ' .■' Even those hussies, the. feriiales of the species, are being depressed.' This is a real joy to us' misanthropes. Some of them have been constrained to hide their WantbnJk'nees beneath new-fash-ioned skirts that come, to a point near the heels. \ Yet^ some, ilivmannered optirhist would robus ok.the full flavor of this; depression, joy, by the circulation of a nasty rumor: It's a lie. a damri'd lie. .jhis fashion was not. dictated by a, female designed. \\V th Wndy legs.' r "'..-•*'• : '•'.'".'■' j A smile' is an ugly thing, to a lriisanthrbpe. ' Just think how horrible, to

the, man who advertised inV ai inorning^ paper. .'.He; wanted a. man to.sell bliiej; or starch,' or sbap, ■or something, frbiij door tqvdopiv .'•';•". VV. -V '-..%'■'■ '■ "" : "It •is es^ntial,''; he wrote, . 'jthkt tha applicant : /should 1 '•'■ be ' Salary 5/r a week, and -corhrnission. Married men only." No doubt the man who got. ihe job is serious-minded, now/ "_-'•■-"• Hard times are a tonic'to'seribusmindedness. Unhappily the cost) of living shows a. tendency to fall. at less than 6d a loaf is a .positive' sin; - Bread should he 9d. Nobody would beable to throw dry; ctusts away then. Eyerybody shbuld chew, dry crusts r at least once a day, particularly boarders. It keeps them serious-minded,. It saves them from ■ ■ profanity and- community singing. ' Ah!~ The Sun! An ever' present danger ; to -this per* fectly delightful depression 'are the warm sun ;and. blue skies, v Something must be done about it, and immediately, if the har-d times are to be preserved m their entirety. Daily, the summer is coming nearer. At the moment people are flocking to the beaches m their thousands. Soon the numbers will have , swelled to tens of thousands: -There is no time to lose. Misanthropes rriust get together. They must; do it now. .They must/ : Shut .all the. windows of their factories. • ,'■ . Draw all the blinds. Turn on; the electric lights. Plaster all the walls with^appropriate slogans, such as, "Every day, m every way, it is growing winteryer and winteryer." Misanthropes! You can't keep the bright sun and blue skies from covering the continent, but you can keep them from entering the factory. V . Ariother menace to a proper, serious frame of mind is. the parks. The Botanic Gardens is a rabid .disease with some men and maids. Not only ;do the maids sport their brightest frocks there, and children gambol, but those, feathered villians, the birds, bend a wing. to undermine the times, and whistle and chirp and flit about and carry on something - outrageously. Therefore, if we would preserve . this perfectly delightful. depression, we must close all parks)- put vail _ birds m cages, dye all frocks black, draw all blinds, all wear" long faces, and lift up all voices in'that beautifully doeful little ditty, "Oh, Let Us All Be Miserable!" 7. V