A FIRE THAT WASN'T

NZ Truth, Issue 1202, 13 December 1928, Page 6

A FIRE THAT WASN'T

How Mayojr and Town Clerk Wep:e Hoaxed '"Hark! 'Tis the clang of the bell, And the Firemlin springs to his feet "

BUT this' is a different story, \a. tale of a fire with neither smfcke nor flame; a fire without br fve boys In brass buns; no engines, :io hoses, no shrieking syrens— no nuthijn'. Sleep had descended o'ei^ Christchurch. The twinkling stars looked down on the so-English city./jits cares, and turmoils silent, with naught save the "hiccups" of a solltai-y sh|dk steering an uncertain course homcjj disturbing the night's serenity. ; In the house of the Rev. Archer, the mayor, only the ticking of £ the clock was heard. The striped mayoral pyjamas were chastely drape&Hover their owner, while on the bedpost hung the municipal pants, they, too, t-|red after a long clay's travel. f? ;' " Christchurch and its may pr were at rest. t "G^-r-r-r!" The stridc.jmt, harsh tingle of the telephone be p. rang out on the midnight air. T:j.e mayoral dreams ceased— the blanket: | were flung aS i,j e — a voice cried: "WIND'S there?" Archer was m action. j Through the receiver cajme a message: — ./ "Ohl Mayor, Bad news! Tarn revealing, So demonstrate that Krusohen feeling. Ere to your bed you do Ireturn, Hear mcl The Council^ Chambers *•• burn." |«

■ Was there a man dismayed? Certainly, not. The municipal pants were hauled from their possie, the mayoral flivver fllvved, and the qhief city father sped through the erloom, picking: up, en route, his crony, Dan Sullivan. They arrived at the Council Chambers. But where was the fire? Oh, where? "Not a spark shot forth, Not a wisp of smoke. Showed where the fire had harried. And the mayor said to Dan, 'We're spoofed, old man, In our beds we should have tarried. "Then up came Mr. Neville, A good Town Clerk was he: 'Lo! Here I abide, at thy right side, I have been 'had' with thee ! ' " . Thus three grave and reverend seigneurs were called from their ,d.owny couches m answer to a silly call — a so-called joke that did not even have a claim to originality as an excuse. Whatever Mayor Archer's faults may be, whatever Neville, the Town Olerk, might have done to annoy some silly ignoramus, this hoax cannot lay claim to the definition of a joke. It was but the child of ft crooked* dlsi torted brain. ,