TRICKSTER TURNS MEDICO AND "TRUTH" SAYS "99"

NZ Truth, Issue 1195, 25 October 1928, Page 1

TRICKSTER TURNS MEDICO AND "TRUTH" SAYS "99"

iminniitmniiiiiimtinrinniimniiiiiitiiiiiiiinmmniunmiinniimiiiimiiiiiiiniimmi mmmiMiiiimim.imiiUMUmiiiiiniiiiimmi.miiimumiimimi.m.. i""m'""«'"'™'««''"™ lmll, " mlll,m^^^ uiiu ninimiiiiiiiiiiatiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiMiiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiniiiiMiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaiiimiiiiiitu aiuiMimiuiuuuiiiiiimm iiim.iiiiiuinm iiui.iimiiim<>.umii.m.iu....u..i>.m.m.m.uum...ililill.iiliu...ii..i iiiiniiuuiiuiluiluMimuiiuiii»ii|iHliillimi«uiliiiiiiiiiiciiuiiimiiniuiiMMilliiiiiiuiliuiiiiiiiiiiililiiiiliiliuiiiiiiniiiiiiiii u.i.ii.ii>iiii.i.i.i.mH..>u.>..im..im>m.>.i>i.i»™>i.»'» Gunter's Norman Blood Gardes Him Away On Sea Of High Falutm' Nonsense WILD SCRAMBLES OF BUNKUM BARONET

v»,„„„, n „„ „„„ , .','. ,„„, „„m,m„,„m„,.i miitiiitiiitiiiiiiitiiMiiiiuiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiniiiuiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiintiiiuiiiiititiiiiimitiiiiiiiuiiiiim iiiiimiin imiiiiiiiiiiuiiiiuuiinmiiiiumiiiisiii i tiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiin iiiiim iimiiiimiimiiiiiimiiiimiiiniiinmiiimiiimiiitiiiiitiiiiiimimiiiiiiiniiiiiraiiimiiinniiiniiiMmiiiiiiiiiiiiinm niiiinimiimma «SZ!ZIS^ ii.iin.il.uu.imi .mum, ...MM....... , ......,...>.»i.. ll M,| lU >m. U i ...Mi1.... Him. .............in. .1...." ..« "" m„mra.,H„m,„m,H,N|i || (From "N.Z. Truth's" Special Wellington Representative.) §§ If DETECTIVE FICTION is so fond of 'strutting the figures of 'supposedly clever confidence men, super-sleuths and goodness |l jf knows what else besides, through its pages, that when the marionettes of fact are tied to the strings of a newspaper story, readers f| if raise incredulous eyebrows and l say *' ' H'm" very loudly, meanwhile dipping deeply into the salt-bin. jf II At the risk of such discomfiting gestures, two members of "Truth's" literary staff mil proceed to narrate how they exchanged \\ fj lemonades with a surgeon-commander who also is a baronet with baronial halls and much imagination on his horizon; of the many || If remarkable things which befell them during the same evening ; of what a stethoscope will tell from the pulsations of ones breast-bone jj If and how much nearer the grave 'one may discover ones -self to be after a "Medical" man lu\e Robert William Gunter has dug the jf \\ metaphorical forceps into one's puny anatomy. ||

'/iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.'iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiititiinm ON Tuesday night of last week Harry Avery and his orchestra were socking into the syncopation which churns up the inner ether of the Palais de Danse hall m Abel Smith Street. Wellington,' when a ; once- dapper gentleman m a frayed and spotted' blue serge suit, almost heelless shoes, his whole departed glory embellished with a gold-rimmed monocle pendant from his coat lapel, approached Avery and requested an audience. When the orchestra leader had been drawn asi.de, the . frayed one complained that the girls would not dance with him and made it quite clear that, he was hot used to such treatment. .The; conversation' was then adroitly turned \ by :4\Gunte'r£rf or ": his It "'• ;was— to .other th'ltigs^/aha : 'it; fbre AY .he .had^^ qh^ered?' Avery and his orchestra £110 per week to. play at the Wentworth .Cafe m Sydney! for .Gunter, as managing • director of the Wentworth, was not at all : satisfied with the performances of the: band playing there at the present time. Avery pointed out that £110 per week merely represented un^ori wages m Sydney, to which Gunter responded

ISiiiii..i...iiiitniHi.uiim.iii.uiii.Hi.Hi.ui..ii....mii.iii.nui.ui...i.mi.n.miimn.niim.i.inii.i.(.'ii.ii Iniuiiui.i.iitiimuuiiiiui.iu.iuiii..u<>..u.i.i.i.i...Hiu..iii.iu...i.i.i.iun.iii.i...i...un.iiunnMi.i.<...ii waiting taxi and was quickly out of sight. . That same afternoon, "Dr. Sir William Hunter," who had been urgently called from Auckland by the Ministry of Healths to act m an advisory capacity at a conference to be held within a few days, called at the hat department of Kirkcaldie' and Stains, purchased a hat for twenty-five shillings and then repaired to the cutting department. - "It's a jolly nuisance, y'know, that I should have, to come to Wellington so urgently from Auckland. The Minister of Health wired me to come immediately and my man didn't have time to pack my bags, doncherknow. It may be that my clothes will not arrive m time for the conference, and as these are, the only clothes I have with me^-T-there is^a hole m my pahts, : too, toaaT'^bT?!? cigar i wKiclti^lvdropped^on to them — I simply must have a suit made at once." The cutter politely Informed the learned doctor that it would be next to impossible for him to make a suit immediately, but "Dr. Sir William Hunter" brushed all con- ' tentions aside. Within a few minutes he had chosen the material, a grey herringbone tweed, been measured and was ready to leave. . "Let me. see," he said, fingering some notes which he extracted from his vest pocket,. "I think I'll pay you when I come m to be fitted to-morrow.morn-ing. I must go round to Thomas Cook | and Son; arrange to get some money through them from Auckland and . . . Well, good afternoon. I shall be m at ten-thirty to-morrow morning. ... Whilst he was waiting to be measured, he informed the cutter that his address would be care of the Midland Hotel, if he were wanted for anything. "This is only my temporary address, of course," he explained. "And when I have inspected these flats for myself and my man" ; — displaying, as he talked, a sheaf of introductory cards from land and estate agent3— "l shall move out from the Midland." The following morning the head cutter of Kirkcaldie and Stains made ah early start with his needle. Before ten^-thirty had struck on the bell of. the town hall clock, the final thread of tacking had been drawn through the material for the doctor's suit. Ten-thirty, eleven o'clock, eleventhirty, but no sign of the distressed gentleman whovisioned his important self m a be-spattered blue serge suit before a conference of the Ministry of Health.

).iil(i(iiMiiitMMn>iiirt.i.i..tii.f.iittiiiiii.iiiiiitititiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiii.iiiiiuiii..i.i>Miitil»ini....imil.»l.ii.i .inii.iii.i........i.iii.i.iiiiiii.nuii..i..i.i.iii.iii.iiiii.iii...i..ii...iiii.iiii.iiiii..miiiiiiii...ii...i.iii.m........iu cent newspaper dispatches which connected him with certain false pretence charges m Australia. The two investigators were midway through their fish* courses when m strolled "Mr. Grant," perfectly at ease, the scar on his face surrounded by a number of thickly red blotches spread between chin and temples, his small, receding chin and puffy eyes completely belying his smooth, persuasive tongue. After lunch, "Truth" had a quiet chat with "Paddy" Griffin, who is licensee of the Gresham, to whom it was made abundantly clear that "Mr. Grant" was a gentleman whose board bill required close watching. ;' iGriffin was nearly \beside „ himself W^^en he learned'fpf^his, guest's identity; and thanked' the powers which:' watch over hotel-keepers that Gunter had the forethought to pay his two,- days' board m advance, as well as the spirit which prompted ''Truth" to enter the protective measure of warning. At the same time, it was pointed out to the licensee that it would be as well not to excite Guntei*'s suspicions m any way, as "Truth" had good reason to believe that the C.1.8. also were

interested m the peculiar, erratic movements of "Mr. Grant," and it was riot desirable that outsiders should impede the progress of police investigations, Recollecting that Kirkcaldie and Stains' cutter had mentioned a number of cards from land agents, "Truth" then paid a visit to the office of Harcourt and Company,, situated . about a hundred yards from the Gresham Hotel on, the opposite side of the quay. Oh, yes, there was a man answering to the description of Gunter who called m connection with some enquiries concerning flats m the better parts of' Wel r lington, but, oh, no, the name was .not "Gunter," nor did "Grant" or "Hunter!'. seem to quite ; fit m. with the circumstances. , However, a drawer m the ' filing cabinet containing, presumably, the names of prospective clients, produced quite a lot of intriguing information. The lady clerk who came to the counter-said, she certainly recollected attending to 'a man With a monocle, and when she was shown a photograph of Gunter, she said instantly: "Yes, that's the man, all right," and began hunting through the; indices for some data concerning the caller. / , In about thirty seconds she gave "Truth" full particulars of the man's needs, which included; a flat m the well-to-do area contiguous to The Terrace and Kelburn, for "Sir William ■Carew" and his valet. ".Truth" held its sides, and bo-

..i..i.lliiiiiiiiintiliiii.ti.iiii.iM.ii>i>iiniii...iiil.iMMit.iit.i.niiii.i.ti.li.iiiii.i.tni.iiili.iitllitililit.ln.in.i..i U.lll.ll.i.|liuiimili..iil.il.liiitii..ii.l.ll.illll.llillllllll.iii.ll.l.iililiililii.ili.liliuii.i.l.i.l..li.i.l...il.lllilllli tween its tears • explained to the accountant and his lady colleague that "Sir William Carew," his valet and his flat were all part' and parcel of a strange mental complex, peculiar to men like Gunter, who, -m the throes of some quaint de- ; fusion, order coronets and civic receptions for people who live m :• .the pleasant lan.d of imagination. Harcourfs thanked "Truth" for the warning; and promised to be circumspect m their future dealings with Gunter. ' '.'; A little .while before six o'clock that same evening, "Truth" was waiting at the tram stop outside the Royal Oak Hotel when another staff member whispered : "The man you're looking for- is m the private bar^pf, the, Oak." . . -It .was-^br- had : ,Tp eer/r^a :ye%.yftot day,; and 'when there is also the chance of meeting a man who changes his identity more often than a politician changes his coat, well, the temptation is very hard to bear. ■ ■'; Leaning against the bar counter was a shabbily resplendent gentleman with monocle, facial ' scar, disappearing chin , and a pair of new tan shoes, whilst on the counter itself was a small brown paper parcel, obviously contain-

ing the shoes he had taken off at the shoe store. Three other men were with hini —a member of "Truth's" sub-editorial staff and two other men against whom "Truth" had the pleasure of playing cricket last season. The newcomer winked softly . at cricketer number one, who ■promptly took the hint of asking him whether he liked water or ginger ale —with it, of course. • :. In a few moments he had been introduced to "Dr.- Sir Richard Hunter, surgeon-commander of H.M.S. Philomel," who had dashed down from Auckland on three days' leave, Shoi'tiy; afterwards, the new arrival w&s to his'colleague who usually sits m the sub-editorial chair, arid who had adopted" the title of' "Mr. Richards" for the occasion, t'Dr. Sir Richard, etc.," looked sprhewl?at: suspiciously at "Mr. Clarke" saidri "I hope;you're not one of those newspaper men from the AuckJf? 3,, star^ , or the^ Auckland Sun. Really, you know, they—» : "Oh, no, doctor. 'lam an accountant, I don't look like'a newspaper, man, do I?"' .■■'. . _ .• • ' "No, no. Perhaps not," and Dr. Sir Richard, etc., heaved a sigh of relief, then commenced^ to belabor his four companions with a series of ginger ales arid waters—WlTH—whilst he took many gulps from a large brandy glass. He was so sorry, he said, that

iiiiiii.iui]iiuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.iiiniiiiiMMiiiiitMiMM...iiim.iitimiiMti.i.)ii.i.iiiiii.iii«niiiimiiti.M.iiim.iS | 1.111111111111111111111111111.11.11U1111111111.11111111111.11..11..11111.11.1111.11.111111.11U.11..1111111111111.11.UU1..1.11U.U1 he would not be able to stay longer than three days m Wellington — Auckland depressed him so — but he had been most urgently summoned by the Ministry of. Health to act m an advisory capacity to them on the' morrow, whilst the "Philomel" sailed for Fiji immediately after his conference with the Minister of Health had concluded. It might be interesting to observe here that the "Philomel" is not 'likely to go to Fiji for many half-moon's and constellar upheavals, . because -her boilers are at present lying m some backyard or other, awaiting the inspection of some old-iron merchant. Still, what is that to quibble over? . By six o'clock, the surgeon-comr wander .-— and goodness ;khosvs^wha£ • 'eTse^'besities^ ment /(and other' drinks) and insisted that his four new-found friends should go along with him to his room at the Gresham. Of course, he explained, he and his man had a suite at the Midland, but he liked the atmosphere of homeliness at the Gresham, where he. could creep away with his friends and enjoy a quiet drink. "By the way, boys," he said, "I've a couple of telegrams from Auckland patients of mine, which I think will interest you." Dr. Sir Richard, ' etc., then fumbled with the vent of his inner coat pocket and drew out two telegrams, but so muddled was his condition that he overlooked the importance of screerting the address from the "Truth" representative who stood at his elbow. "Grant, Gresham, Wellington," ran the first wire. "Patient progressing quite satisfactorily. Think out of danger. Hannah — ." or words to that effect. , "Grant, Gresham, Wellington," went the second. "Engines running smoothly. Think has turned corner. Wally." At closing time one of the cricketers departed, but Gunter insisted that the three others should get into a taxi and have dinner with him at the Gresham. A few minutes after six, therefore, a hired car drew up outside the Royal Oak and the four men were spirited away to the bustling . atmosphere of Lambton Quay. Gunter paid the taxi man and showed the way to the commercial, room, where he ordered more soda waters— WlTH — and commenced telling his companions what a fine lot they were, and so forth. One of "Truth's" investigators

nilllllllllllUllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllliHlllllllllllllllllllllllllllMlll you getting? — "Twenty-five shillings a week." "Monstrous! Ridiculous! " I must see "Valintine about this m the morning. Fancy! A man m your condition getting only twenty-five bob a week. I must see to it that your pension is increased by at least £40 a year." He then put the "patient" through one of the quaintest eyesight tests which any man ever experienced. , He wiggled his fingers before the man's eyes, and made so., many passing movements that "Mr. Clarke"^quite expected to, wake up and find himself taking the part of ventriloquist's .dummy on the ; bony knee of Rajah, Gunter before an audience of ten thousand people , who had been' called to a com- '■ prince." "r^-"'" ',•'"■ : '. '. : "■: v' ;:: '"'" ?: '-'; "You know," said Gunter, impressively, "you have a dead area on the right side of yoQr chest and a leaking ventricle on the heart side. You should be very careful. I think three 6fri four injections of .strychnine and something else should put you right, however. We must see Valintine m the morning."