The Critic

NZ Truth, Issue 1190, 20 September 1928, Page 1

The Critic

PRICE- CUTTING war m the tobacco trade is bound to end m smoke. * *■•.#•. |7 VENING paper: . "family feud. Three found dead.". Family fewed. ,■■#'. '#, # TT . is usual to find safe-breakers m a crime wave. • ■■.■•. .*, • # • • HAILT paper: "Money m Air." Too right— with a salary of £450 and a free pass! . ."..#. .-■#'.. # ■ CHEIKING without a motor-car is v like gold-mining with a toothpick. ■ \. #•■••■#_ # "DAVENOUS Wolves m Russia."— x^ They have their go-getters,- too, it seems. ' ■ ',•■•.■•; ■ . #... ■ ■ *• .- ■ 17L.YING problems were solved long * before aviation made its debut. — Father's boot was the propeller. ■ ' * ..■'■.*''•"■..:*;•'■ THE crinolines were mistakes. Modern dresses are mostly bloomers. ■;.'."•■ * * - OPRING is upon us.— That ia why so many citizens are sprung. ■ .#.. . ■#-■.- # DECLARES a daily: "An ounce of ■ flattery is worth a ton of tombstone obituary."-^ Yes, that's too flat altogether. ■ " • '• v* •, ■ •' • ' TN Mid-Victorian days the girl was •*• prim and trim and could give a boy a lock of her hair. Now she's a trimmer and has no lock of hair to give. #- ■ •'■,■'?•.• *. "CCHOOLBOY Howlers."— Those , who •^ have received the cane. • . • .,. ■ v* • .• x '■•' • THE lesson learned at mother's knee *■ nowadays is mostly about the fatted calf- •;■:. ' ■ , ■. -;- • ••:- ■■ • : ' ■••■-. "IV/HENy choosing a piano the buyer _jf? usually ..consults a ,f rlend, says an advertisement.— And* usUally not a neig'hborv /..:• ■ \ '■■::,: .-'■■<■ '•- ":; --'V ' '"'' -■■■"■ „;. .#_., . - V! #-.- ;.- f .••,- ■■:■ -„ "DEWARE of widows."—But how can. *? you tell them from flappers? ■ ■ ■ # . ■ .# .••/•■■■ W7IREL»ESS programme item: "Tennis ". hints from the 'Steering ' Wheel. 1 " —Probably deals with the spin. : . * .* ■:* .< "R/IEN who. count."— rßanlc tellers? IVI * * * , CTRIPES will be popular on ,next " year's bathing • suits.— But where will they put 'em?* '• .*'''■•:' * ■ "P RAVE of Talent; Civil Service."— *"* But since the pay is good, oh death where is thy sting? ."' •_ ; • • . . • •■

LET'S hold th||,next poll on COM* PULSORY DRINKING. (All thow m favor bring funnels.) #y.: :■;■■■# ■„„ ■ # CDGAR WAIiDAGE has issued a writ *■*: against' critic V h 9 described one of his plays as "muck." Retort court-eou*. ■ . #,' ' . -*■.- >•■ : * CNGLISH parson says smoking ia *-* increasing among Women. The habit is only m its nico-teens. . ' ' • .# '#■■ * DLUMBER fined m the Auckland f Magistrate's Court" had been caught stealing. Took too long: over the job, of course. >#. • • AUCKLAND "Sun": "An Amatfnz rt stoyr . . . was told m the Divorce Court to-day." Azttonishinz! ## ~ * "HRTS" say Prohibition would- mean *^ wealth. Look at the bootlegucy the U.S. got. - ■ .» * •# "CLECTRIC . cooking is popular." It oan't be more shocking than some we get m the cafes. • w '■• • MAJOR SEGRIVE'S new wonder IYI motor does four miles a minute. How many pedestrians is that to the hour? ■ , . . '# * # . ' "W/ORLD'S NEWS": "Ghost talks to " a woman." In sepulchral tones. •''■#••■ •■ *. "MAD Opera Singer."— Didn't know m how to sing "Goodbye for. Ever" more than a dozen times. * r\OROTHY DIX: "Matrfmony does . curious things to people."— Yes, and it kills their 1 curiosity. # • • ! •• "IV/TODBRN Girl, a Word m her Favor." m —What is it? # • ■■•■■ ' - •' ' . "TRAIN leaves rails.V — Tired of stayA ing motionless ao long, probably. '■■' m ■/.">' ■■.• . • • ■ MORNING paper says that a man and iY * his wife who required hospital treatment as the result of injuries they had inflicted on eadh other went home the best of frlendi. Our love is jrrowinr all too cold— Too careless eaoh caress ; . Where are the raptureß that of old Our humble home would blesa? I love thee still, and yet my flame A sacred Something lacks; It seemeth somehow 1 not the same — I'think'ril get the axe. I'll get the axe, and thou shalt take The trusty kitchen-knife, And strive once. more the love to wake That is more dear than life; A bruise, a out, a gash or two. Ten stitohes from the quack, And home onoe more, Ilk* lover* true, JPf irtloom* gupld b*oJfc .. . ;