RETIRED—VERY

NZ Truth, Issue 1187, 30 August 1928, Page 9

RETIRED— VERY

Bumps on Tourists* Royal Road (From "N.Z. Truth's' Auckland Rep.) Well, well! What eccentric johnnies some people are! Here's pink - cheeked Francis Arthur. Roberts, young English tourist — or rather, to give him his own designation, "gentleman, retired" — come all the way from the Old Country to get an eyeful of our geysers and glaciers! AND one of the first things he does on arrival m Auckland, is to get a skinful of hops — or was it — cr — vintage? -v But the question of 'palate is but incidental to the issue. The main thing to grasp is that Frankie seems to have opened up unforeseen possibilities of boosting the Dominion. First, let us tell what Aye know of twenty-two years old Francis Arthur Roberts,,' "retired gentleman" and globe-trotter, when he stepped ashore m Auckland and since, a convicted drunken motorist. It appears that Frank, -with an equally youthful companion, decided upon a trip to the land of matais and Maoris. Wot In Programme Whatever were the fern-bordered enticements which snared the pair into parting up with their passage-money "over there," the lads evidently had little, ,faith m our railways, for they brought with them a motor-bike and side-car, with the happy thought, shall we say, of skipping gaily hither and thither along sun-kissed highways. And then perhaps, for all -\ye know, the tourists had romantic visions of a. little "joy-riding" companionship. Alas! Poor innocents. Little knew they how disdainfully our flappers gaze upon a pillion seat. Not for Josephine! But apparently this was not planned to be a "sheikhing" expedition; only as a secondary item, at any rate. For the first thing Roberts and. his chum did when they secured their vehicle from the customs, was to sally forth m quest of amusement less sweet, perhaps, than flappers' lip-stick, though infinitely more sincere. They found it m the Star. Hotel, j Karangahape Road, and, it seems, m copious draft. Thus it was, on emerging- from the hostelry that the lads bumped against another very active side of the Dominion's everyday life which did not, we presume, appear on the tourists' itinerary. Next we see Magistrate Hunt gazing down upon a rather sorrowful-looking young Roberts, who appeared on the charge-sheet as a "retired gentleman," transgressor of the good laws of the country. The other youth was a sympathetic audience, as his- friend pleaded guilty to being intoxicated whilst m charge of a motor-cycle and side-car. Plus-fours, golf stockings and aleather overcoat, rather bore. out counsel's' statement that accused was a tourist, who, with his companion, was "doing" New Zealand and had a programme for three more weeks m the country. "He won't do it on his motor-bike," drily remarked the bench, as he. fined the youth £5 and cancelled his license for six months. ' Tips For Tourists And now we come to the happy thought, which, thanks to Roberts' biking escapade,' stands out as a happy solution o£ this much talked of, but sadly deficient, "influx* of overseas tourists." N.Z. Publicity Department — please note! What is wrong with a little, exploitation along- the lines; of booklets and circulars, putting forth as an inducement, such catching phrases as: "Visit New Zealand, the- Land of Plunket. babies and potent beer!" "Come to the sunny south where frothbites take the place of frostbites," etc., etc.? Members of the Department, round about 6 p.m., may then become inspired,