HE SAID IT WITH AN IRON SAUCEPAN

NZ Truth, Issue 1149, 8 December 1927, Page 11

HE SAID IT WITH AN IRON SAUCEPAN

| The express- J 1 ing .of one's 1 T | feelings | | seemingly al- §' | ters with the | 1 years. , j 1 It used to g | be violets. | | f o«r >"mjr f 1 lady," some- § | times thea- § | tres and, | 1 sweets. 1 ' i 5 . . = ?iiMiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiMiiiiiiiiiimiin=

AS m all things, there is a vanishing point, even m domestic toleration.

That is Y why"' William Adolphus Cunningham - and Mary Elizabeth Witts found, themselves estranged m Mrs. Watts' boarding-house m Auckland's la rue Hobson.

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And such an exigency meant that the Auckland Police Court wa,s to be favored with the snappiest little dialogue that has come its way for many months. It was delivered m two acts, the first taking place ion a recent Thursday when Cunningham * was charged with having stolen from his lady friend and housekeeper, a rug valued at £1. He pleaded not guilty. . Mrs. Watts." told the court that accused had taken the rug one recent morning during her absence. It was" 1 later retrieved from a pawn-shop b y the police. So the neat little comedy- drama was opened, witiv the 'lady witness resolute and indignant awaiting the challenge she seemed to anticipate coming from Cunning J. ham

Getting his cue from the bench m the nature of an invitation to ask questions of the witness, accused began. "Mrs. Watts — how long have you been housekeeping for me ? Will you swear- — here on your oath — that the rent is not m my name?"— " You don't pay — it's m both of our names — so there!" "Yes, m the names of Mr. and Mrs. ' Cunningham." Witness did not deny it, but she had her parting shot: "You stole the rug, and that's all about it!" she said. *T should like to go Into the witnessbox," asked the defendant AVith an assurance that almost bespoke legal ex-

perience. His story frofn the box was that a man named Petit had left tlie rug m lieu of rent owing. Petit had given ■him authority to dispose of the rug, which he had done by getting a^ companion to take it to a second-hand shop. The pecuniary result was three half-crowns. His reason for getting another man. fo pawn it, he told Detective Cummings — who was Interested in' the fact that the rug was not paw.ned m Cunn-

Adolph's Way of Expressing His Very Deep Feelings

(From "N.Z. Truth's" Special

.uckland Representative.)

A BANG OVER THE HEAD WITH A SAUCEPAN IS NOT GENERALLY LOOKED UPON THESE DAYS AS A TERM OF ENDEARMENT, YET IN SPITE OF THIS ACCOMPLISHMENT ON THE LADY OF HIS HEART, /WILLIAM ADOLPHUS CUNNINGHAM RECKONS THEY GOT ON SPLENDIDLY. TASTES VARY. SO DO TEMPERS!. . >

ingham's own name-rwas simply because he had "a lot of pop tickets ami di'dn't like going into the shop.", "Do I understand you to say that you have lived with this woman for seven years?" inquired the chief detective. "No," several years, from 1921 or 1922." "How rrfany weeks — or perhaps I should jsay hours — have you worked during the last few months?"- — "Don't make it too hot! A joke's a joke," replied the accused m injured tones. Cunningham put up a struggle m regard to his alleged idleness and mentioned a number of jobs that he had done recently. Referring to 'one

task of toil upon which he had been eifeaged, he brought blushes to the cheeks of one police officer who had, until then, fully "* appreciated the humor of the proceedings. "And there's a constable * m the 'audience' who hud a cup of tea with me," suid Cunningham m testimony to his industrious past. At a loss • for other credentials, he wound up by telling the S.M. that he had "played football! all over New Zealand:" There was a well-filled sheet of paper handed m to the bench which told his worship that Cunningham had been engaged m other pastimes, than chasing' the leather. ' "' ' _ "

In fact, according to the list, there was a period of some years of his life

when he would have been extremely lucky if he even set eyes upon the elusive leather oval. This term being a sentence of imprisonment which appeared the most „prominent m his 37 appearances before the court. The curtain fell on the first act, when the chief detective intimated there was a charge of assault pending against Cunningham, upon which he was to appear on the morrow. The accused was remanded m custody.* The following morning Mary again took [ the role *of . informant, tejling, how, while she was sitting outside sewing; Cunningharn had come out and hit her on. the head with a saucepan inflicting/ a wound an inch and a-half [m length. ' '■"■ V

Magistrate McKean: "What did you say? Did b^e throw a pot at you?" 1 "He hit me on the head with this," was the reply as witness flourished an article wrapped up m brown paper. Uncovered, it was revealed as the good old ally of the traditional rolling-pin— a" saucepan. Lawyer Fawcett (appearing for Informant): "Show his worship the dent m the pot." Cunningham: "I should like to see that pot;- (it was handed to him by the orderly)— that pot's been dented ever since we've had it." yl S.M.: "I suppose the. blood has been :oli■>it''•.iW ) ■''slric'e ; y'ou.go£''it, , ••'' ■V. '■■•.■;. ''.■r ;, ..-.y ■':..■■:■

iMimiiiimumnimiiiimimnmiiimmi',^ | He liked | | cockles. In | 1 fact, he had | f a penchant fj. | for them. j | Then some- § | body, went I | and headed a J | ,pot full of | 1 them away. J I He used the J | saucepan to § | adjust things. § riimiiiiiiiiimiiiiMiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiiiil

Accused (to witness): "How long have we been getting on happily to-, gether?"— "Until you started to drink." Magistrate (with smile): "Yes, it looks as though you were getting on happily." Accused: "We were quite happy until this bit of a barney." .■:.'' | . Cunningham then returned to the pot and its contents at- the time of the alleged assault. He had,, he said, been "cooking hig own -t^a whiqjh consisted of a. pot-ful of cockles. He had been robbed of his dainty tea by the woman emptying the delicacy out m the yard. "Didn't you empty my cockles out?" pursued the accused. Mjrs. Watts was reticent: "I beg_'your Cunningham-?" • V

-. The question was iiiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiii. HiiiiiK repeated and then Mary evaded amid a voluble tirade that wasr not • to the credit of the cockles. She averred that they were not fit to eat, having been m the pot for a couple of days. '.' ,

Cunningham' s court experience held him m good stead,, and witness was brought back to his cross-exami-nation by a curt: "Turn to his worship and answer the question." Watts admitted - ha.ving consigned the cockles to the rubbish heap. In an earnest appeal to the bench, Cunningham contended that he had only placed the pot on the woman's head "quite gently." "I alWays .'■' seem 111.1.....1...11...1111.11.111.1..111.1.111...1111 N. to haye got the V wrong end of the stick from; the court and ask your ■worship to extend some leniency."

The Magistrate: "You may have been aggravated by •: the /way your cockles were disposed of, but you have certainly been before the court often enough to have experienced' some leniency!" A sentence of 14 days' imprisonment was imposed m the case of the assault, while on the charge of theft, accused was convicted and. discharged. Lock, stock, and barrel— leave packing and transport to N.Z. Express Company, Limited. No matter how, short the notice or how great the distance, .possessions will be delivered on time, safely a"nd economically; Estimates given at all our offices. All work Un,der the care of .experts,. If- you get sudden notice of transfer, call and ice us.— N.Z. EXPRESS CO., LTD.*