"AUGUR" THE ASS.

NZ Truth, Issue 141, 29 February 1908, Page 2

"AUGUR" THE ASS.

Full Mdon at the Manawalu. * ''■■ Crawls Down Over William. Blowing Out an Insignificant Insect. When the ordinary every-day individual bears or sees anything sounding like auger, his ' mand' 1 naturally reVerts to a • very useful mechanic's tool, which is more easily identified as a bore. 'Likewise, the few people' of this Dominion who know of the actual existence of some sausage wrap, in v the, Manawatu district of a supposed sporting; scribe, who signs, himself "Augur," won't deny for half, a second that •'•Augur" is a bore, and niore, an. ignorant, grossly so, ungrateful boor, who ought to be. kept m a' Straight-jacket until such time as three lunacy experts certify to. his perfect sanity, and testify that tfce: misguided and dementedi and much to be pitied fellow is really harmless. Now, as this paper persistently points ' out, it doesn't wish to be unduly offensive or personal to anybody. It much prefers to be generous with paternal like advice, and never hits till others starts the ball rolling. Now, this "Augur" ass has got over the limit, and it is up to him to get a deal that will send him squealing like a stuck sow. As a preliminary observation it mip'ht be mentioned that this mentally unbalanced person doesn't know a racehorse from a rabbit, nor has it ever been known of him TO APPRECIATE A FRIENDLY TURN/ He's a dingo is this coot, and every

Australian knows that to feed a dingo is to have the hand bitten. As there are no dingoes m the Dominion, "Augur" will foe appropriately classed as a mongrel, and a hungry one at that. Some time back the sausage wrap m the Manawatu which is unfortunate enough to have, this looney on its premises as sweeper-out, office boy and sporting quid-nunc, with all expenses paid and nothing for beer, published, allegedly, from the pen of this silly scribe some senseless screech about the, running of William at Palmerston North, Ashhurst, and" at the Wairarapa. Now,, being modest, and. knowing my limitations and allowing; others to admire or condemn my opinions, I ("Spearmint") administered to the misguided mug on the "Manawatu Times" a sort of purge over this William affair, a sort of mash to swallow. He gulped it down eventually and was metaphorically scoured out, but not before he bellicosely blackguarded me m his impotent manner, which necessitated a second dose of the said purge, •which cleared him thoroughly and left the animal m a; clean and healthy stsJj^ and the following apology re \T7tliam's running in -the Manawatu paper showed how healthy Vt?he ungrateful beast had become :— j f HE WILLIAM CASE. In our issue of January 7th we quoted the running of William at Patoerston/f'lk&hiiufst; and the Wairarairar. calling : 'atteh^ion to the maritier" ih which 'William had been unplaced m. three races ami won the fourth. ,lt has been suggested that the article implied that the owner,- "Mr Monk," or his stable profited by this running of the horse. .Mr Monk, has written to us on the matter and we have made independent inquiries and find that any suggestion that the horse was so run, designedly by his owner is untenable, and that* as a fact, when the horse won at Tauherenikau it was a surprise to the; stabie, : which was -not backing him m any way. Under the circumstonces, we desire to express our regret to "Mir' Monk" that the inference should , have been drawn, and take this opportunity of stating, the facts of the case -as to i both horse and owner/ . ' > Allowing, Of course', for the nasty 1 taste that the eating of the leek leaves m the mouth, it must be re-!' .marked . that , the crawl-down is a,. very humiliating one^ Moreover, without rubbing it m too strong, THE LIBELLOUS LUCRUBA- - . ■■ TIONS and the' apology, when compared, sliow what a hell of a good jud^e the, ass is, when it comes tq passing an opinion on the running Of a 'horse, which .justifies m some degree the assertion that the lOoney doesn't know a horse from a hare. As this scri< c was mainly instrumental m brin&ing.the ungrateful animal on to hisiknees, it naturally follows that he should bear me 'no good feeding/and would, at the first opportunity, give me a dig mMs own ■ inimitable though rather labored way. Oonsequrntiir, "Augur" having been allowed a little; pocket money at Woodville,' got' within the roar Of the ring and plunged lialf-a-dollar on two whole races,, and, being an ass, and having long ears like all asses, heard things, or fancied the heard them, and tilted fit bookmakers and their cramped prices, but as nobody reads the ' sporting news d£ the -"Manaw'afu Times," arid wbuldn ? t understand' it if. they did, the effort to make clear what the long-eared biped tried to - get at, would inyolve too much labor and cover too much of "Truth's? very valuable space.; However the opportunity to hit this niodest scribe seems to have presented itself and this is how, l got it :— [ The most pleased looking individual at the tightened up prices of the books was the secretary of the .Wellington Bookmakers' Association who has probably never been at 'a ringside m his life when experienced fielders, are' at work. Al- . though he lunched -as an alleged pressman at the expense of the club both days, he was' not seen m the press room throughout the fix- j tare. His .professed "inside knowledge" of a certain stable is pecul-j iar, and undesirable m a bookmakers' secretary. 7 ■ My pleased expression was not at any ."tightened '.. prices." Oh, dear.no! The individual who gets on to three or four good, things- that "git that" can surely; afford to look happy. While on the question of : looks, it might, be interesting to asi* if this ''Augur" ass ever looked happy m life. He's miserable, looks the picture of a half-starved jacVal, while his-, eyes seem, like that of a .moonstruck schnapper. <As .for lunching as; ian alleged pressman- at the expense of . the club both days, though not seen m the press roojn throughout the 1 fixture, I cheerfully plead guilty to the first accusation, and, what is more, t/he meals were heartily enjoyed and thoroughly >dX gested. If the fact of lunching as the club's guest is a crime m " AUGUR'S " DEAD-FISH EYES, heaven alone knows what he might say if this scribe breakfasted, lunched and dinnered at the expense of the Government. As it happens, I was m the press room, to 'which "Advance," -"Glencoe," arid j/Sif Geraint" can testify to, all that is necessary to say on the second spasm of his silly snort, is that '"Augur" is a liar. Being a liar, and a generally unreliable animal, and as the moon was full at the time, and as "Augur" doesn't augur well for himsplf or anybody or anything, the best thing* he. can do is to get- back to the office-sweeping; profession and play "two-up" with his spending silver. Such an innocent should be prevented from squandering his "bobs" with the books. He might break 'em. ,