JIM THE MILKER.

NZ Truth, Issue 105, 22 June 1907, Page 6

JIM THE MILKER.

Times, 'June 19, 1907.— Lately the King and Queen, on visiting a famous Neapolitan Church, were told from the inside by the Sacristan to '•'go m peace," that they "should have come at the proper time." A 1 Court official found their Majesties m convulsions outside the inhospitable door, which was ultimately opened, when the Sacristan was able to he convinced of his visitors'

identity. , I send yer a clipping that appeared m one of our local papers, who are always preaching m season and out of season that nobody can do it but me. Well, yer know that they can't do it at all. The same raj? is always howling like a dingo about loyalty. Nothing will, do them when they speak of the King or Queen, but yer royal highnesses. It is worse that a cow-spanker and his kids. Now here is a straight statement that ought to blast these crawlers. TQie King and Queen, because . they were not admitted to a church at improper hours were found m convulsions on 'the street. Does J this mean that Neddy and his wife were lying on the pavement kicking up their heels ? The bosses wife is of opinion that both of them wore drunk. Still .it is a disgraceful thing to show up royalty. Madam says fancy their nibs (Royal) with their clothes disarranged, yelling, cursing, and generally behaving m a way that was calculated ,to make a fa-reach of the peace. But perhaps they are afflicted with the i ailing sickness, if such is the case yer know where they ought to toe put. There is one mistake made by the Sacristan, viz., that he ought to have thrown a bucket of cold water over "hem ; it would have done them a lot of good. Why they lock up poor coves for getting irejfco fits, and then the polioe put them m quGd for riotous capers. Good Gord, what next ? As I told yer the' other day I went up to Taranaki to biash tho boss. I went up and drove to the farm oarly m the day, so'itbait I would have a chanod of making- a good job. When I got there live boss was m the milking yard with a long Wattle jn his hand belabouring a yomi',2? cow with a rope around her horns, while an a'ble-lfctodiie'ci woman had a half-hitch round a post taking m the slack, and as the boss pelted the animal yer should have heard the roars. As the cow made a jump the woman went heels up. It was a disgraceful exhibition. Then the boss seed me, and cried out Jim, I'll see about, your case as soon as I get this damned cow into the bail. Here lie gave the animal a bash aver the rump with an iron bucket, and used some rough talk reflecting on the cow's parents. After a time he came up ter me holding out his hand. How_argvezJun t _it's aJLongu -timtr since 1 "seedy^u~r~Maybe yer would like some tea. This was hard to bear, but says I me buck I came up ter see if yer was going for a divorce, yer know me and yer wife want to get switched. Here the joker gave a larf. No Jim it can't be done. Yer saw the woman taking m the slack of the rope, Well I'm cohabiting with her, so we can't get the job through. Yer arc doing well , what with yer spook raising and other jobs be content, but say a little more and I'll trim yer lamps. This was into me hands, so we stripped and fought. He was good game, never thought he had it m him ; but a man like me could bash nearly anyone. All the same mmc strength I am merciful, and it is only on strong provocation that- I hit any cove. I am one of the most G-ord-fearhig men m the colony, so is the bosses wife.

JIM THE MILKER

P.S. — There has been no reply from Kill Joy North. Jim Gib-bs, or Frederick Wellington. I suppose that the divil is busy with them at present. No time for Christian coves.— J.M.