JIM THE MILKER

NZ Truth, Issue 63, 1 September 1906, Page 4

JIM THE MILKER

Gets News per Skotshman of the Boss; and is Called out to Another Case of Laying On of Hands.

Yer have noticed no doubt that me pupil McLean (of that ilk) has been givin' a lecktur on putin coves to sleep by suggestion, well yer must make wide allowenses for a chap that is just begining and I thinic that if I had time to teach him that he might become a good forth rate spook raiser, but yer must no that it is hard to get a Skotshman with a spiritual mind. The bosses wife (Madame Sharkey) tells me that it is no damd good lookin for them, all that they care for is whips of wisky and burgoo. This is sunt correct for an old Scotchman from Taranaki found me out and fairly fell on me nek with joy. Goad man yer have a grand noose, beautifull, and the boses wife is looking fit as a B pair o bagpipes, dam but ye are a braw chiel. Man ah hae to tell ye that the boss is still alive it is a bad job lord he is gawn to take the law on ye for depriving him of his wife. Man he is roarin like a bull of Basham. Since ye hit him on the. heed wi the rail it appears he is daft clean and dacent. Div ye ken parson Jim Gibbs ? he was tellen me the day that yer micht be a great mon yet, even a Daniel come to judgement yes some whisky. Heres ta ye Profiesor and may yer days be long m the land as ah was saying Gibbs will marry ye if yer gie him a fair fee he is a Skotshman ye ken so see to it at wanoe. Durham and Alderney are cummon on so ye ought to set them a God feanrin example. Send them to the bible classes where they may study the song o' Soloman, heoh mon they are a grand, production for weans to read. Man I am sorry that there is not much time as there is a meeting o' Elders at Jim Gibbs kirk, or ah wud tell ye that the hole of Taranaki is ablase at your success and is proud to have produced such a mon. Why did ye not tell us that you were the great spook raiser from America, dam if we had kened we wad he gien ye a purse of sovereigns. Dod ye have put your case into good hands when you wrote to Truth evervbodv reads it and your remarks on Ohild Murder by the dairy farmer (alias the backbone) is opening the eyes of all respectable people. He further told me that I could get a seat m Parliament as that thrawn body, He Hem Smith, would have no show. Well we drank whiskey and when the old bloke went away to the meeting of elders he had a fine skinfull I can tell yer. I aint so well as usual what with spook raising and the bosses wife being the way she is and having to give her a swine; every morning yer can think it aint to good, besides Alderney and Durham brings m all the kids from the streets to get a swing some of them have got hurt then there mothers come and damn the bosses wife, there has been skin and hair flying and if I had not been a man m a high possition we would all have been run m. Damn the swing. Some of the women's blokes have been at me like butchers bull dogs, but I laid rile hands on them and they were quiet, there was no suggestion about the job I just laid me hands on them. Maybe there will, be some law but Tommy Wilfid can legaly lay them out. I am m a great hurry just now having just received a urgent wire to attend a lady whose husband is from home,^ she informs me that a damnd spook* comes and sits on the side of her bed when she retires for the night and that he has the appearance of an able bodied man that she know.cd before she was married, he never comes when her husband is at home. Yer must no this is a case that requires speshul treetment and I am afeard that I will have to lay me hands on. The lady informs me that there is nobody m the house, but herself, sol must, take me stick m case of accidents for yer must know that a materlized spook is hard to handle sometimes. Yes they are so, but we are all m the hands of the Loard and if orovodmce should see fit to Rive me a seat m .glory anyhow I ain't affeared I defy the Divel and all his wuirricks even if it should. be Belzibub himself a cove' who has dealt with dairy farmers has. nothing to fear from Hell fire and brimstone the "bosses wife (Madam Sharkey) is hanging round me nek Durham and Alderney are yelling like parson Gibbs, preaching a sermon on gambling. So long. JIM THE MILKER.