THE MODERN WAY

New Zealand Times, Volume LIII, Issue 12614, 26 November 1926, Page 6

THE MODERN WAY

After a quarrel with Major Stanley Washburn, of the Queens party, MiHill reported that he had told him in the -Koval box at the Horse Show at Portland on Friday evening, "Shut up; if you talk back at me, I’U slap your faco.”—News item. In the twilight of the ages when the world from chaos sprang, And our prehistoric ancestors primeval ballads sang, When the only law they recognised was that of fang and tooth, And a stout and knobby club enforced . the simple rules of truth; They gave and took a savage blow with Simian force and grace— And you never heard the naughty words—‘‘Shut up; I’ll slap your face.’’ In Athens, Home, and Carthage such tactics were unknown. A broadsword was their sharp retort; a pilum deftly thrown Would settle any argument on classic etiquette, While the hardy gladiator used a trident and a net. When William came to England the Saxon to displace, Did Alfred say, “You Norman cad I I’ll slap your bally face.’’ When Lancelot went tilting for a lady fair’s renown, « He couched a trusty lance to strike his rash opponent down; While Englishmen on Crecy field used sword, and axe, and how To meet their gallant ioemen. and lay tho beggars low. And the courteous knight, du Guescliu, whirled aloft his weighty mace; But he didn’t say to Chandos, “Shut up! I’ll slap your face!”

When Elizabethan seamen sailed across the Spanish Main To meet tho fiery Don and drive him back to sunny Spain; When the courtiers of Louis fought for Cardinal or King, And the clash of steel on steel made all the streets of Paris ring; When seconds met at daybreak with pistols in a case—Did somo brave laddie raise his voice and scream, “I’ll slap your face?”

The dandies and the bucks who drank and fought in Georgian days, Take snuff in lveli and snicker at such demned old foolish ways; While Two-Gun Tex from Tuskegee laments the sad decline Of the lightning draw and rapid shot. From tho Hudson to the Rhino Such crude and bloody methods would most certainly disgrace A civilised attache—who prefers’'“to slap your face.” “APARITI.” Wellington.