SANDY MACPHERSON’S TRIP TO WELLINGTON, AND REPLY TO PADDY MURPHY.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 5484, 24 October 1878, Page 4

SANDY MACPHERSON’S TRIP TO WELLINGTON, AND REPLY TO PADDY MURPHY.

, , (From the , Saturday Advertiser.) , Sai, —Wad ye gie me a.bit room in yer paper tae reply-tae that body, Paddy Murphy ? I'm certain he micht hao let mo olano, fur X ne’er fashed my noodle wi’ him. The body says that I abuse the Irish; Noo that’s.no true. I leave that tae the Irish themsels. But the fao' jis, they are no pleased because I whiles tell'the truth‘aboot them. If I taulci them a lot o* lees, I micht,' aiblins, get their guid graces; but, ha, no, Sandy Macpheraon scorns tae lee.' l If I wad tell them ■ that Ireland is the brawest country on ! earth; that Irishmen area’ either heroes or saints; and that their women bodies, baith married and single,’ are 'a’ virgins, that wad please them weel, although baith them and I wad ken it wasna true. Nae doot Ireland : is a braw country, and there is nae doot but the Almiohty had some guid’ purpose in placing sic folk upon it, though, I confess, I canna see it; If, on the ither hand, I tell them l that they're no a bit .better than they puoht to be, nor nearly as good, which is : -naething but Gude’s truth, they flee in a passion and say that I abuse them. Gude forbid that I should ca’ them onything waur ’than they are, for that’s bad eheuoh. But Paddy says that I was endeavoring tae get a subsidy for the Barracouta Club." ‘ Weel, what for no ? Hae the members o’ that respectable institution no as guid a rioht tae a little o’the public money as some ither’ institutions that wo ken o’ ? I think they hae, and a groat deal mair rioht, for if they dinna dae muckle guid they at least dae nae harm. And the fac is; Mac said bor claim was just, arid that ho wad see what-he could dae for me, but that I maun mind that he was only auo o’ the Ministry. That’s aye what Mao says. Afterwards he tauld me that that beer business had left' them ‘awfu’ short o’ cash, and that ho couldua gie usAnything just noo, but that we would be "sure tae get it next session. - That caused m« tae remark, “ Yer promising tae dae, a unco lot next session.” ■ Mac lauohed at that, and, giefng me ane o’ ! his sly - winks, said,. “Sandy, ye dinna understand political economy, but ye ken that Pope said— Man never is, but always to be, blest. Noo, acting on that wise saying,” ho continued, “when Grey, and Bob, and tbo ither lads, arid I, pit oor heads thegither, we laid doon twa principles tae guide us, ‘ and they were—first, promise as muole as we can, for: next [session, and dae as little’ as possible this ane ; and ' second, keep the 1 Government benches—honorably if we can—but keep the Governmen benches.” -l “Arid’that’s what ye ca’ political economy, Mac,” says I. ' “Yes,”,-says he, giein’ anither bit chuckle, “ that’s bor political economy.” , , _ , • ’ ' Then I "tauld'him that oor auld ffien’Dr. Copland had requested me tae speak‘a guid; word for the Kirk. Mao answered—, - j “.Tell the worthy Doctor no tae bo rineasy, on that matter. . WeTo , only, pleasing Bob . by letting, him haei his - bit fling’at the Kirk’ .wi’. his University Bill; but we’ll t ,k care’ that he’ir dab nae harm. Indeed, Sandy, I hae nae graw o’ Bob meddlin’ wi’ Kirk affairs, for between you and me, h’s no soond i’ the faith.” , Then I asked him why he kept that body, Paddy Murphy, aboot him ? ' “Oh, priir Paddy,” said Mac., lauching, “ he’s useful in his way. We jist keep him daunoring aboot there tae please bis country-' men. In tho like manner we keep ane or twa Maoris aboot us tae please thae savages.” “ Ah, Mac. !” says I, “ that’s an awfu’ way tae speak o'the Irish, seeing that yer chief’s ane o’ them.” . ■■ Here Mac. [g ied a loodor lanch, and whispered—— “ Geordie,'pair body, wi a’ his fauts is nae Turk, but he thinks he’s governin’ us, while the faV is, we’re only makin’use o’him. Ye hae been at the shows in the auld country; Sandy, and ye’ll remember seeing that they aye sent a. man ootside tae beat a gong, and tell the folk what gran’ things were aboot tae tak’ place inside. Noo, that’s Geordie’s job.: It pleases him, arid it’s usetu’ tae us, for he’s gran’ at.thumpm’the gong. Sheehan’s no bad at it either, so rive let him gie Geordie a ban’ whiles. As for Bob, be likes tae try; his ban’ at it tae, and he can male’ a wonderfu’ noise( but he cauna promise like Geordie. After the session we intend sendin’ Geordie and Sheehan roon the country wi’ the gong again.' O’ course Geordie comes in behind the scenes and aits wi’ the rest o’us, and we whiles asks his opinion aboot the next act, jist as if the puir body had ony rational opinion tae gie on onything ; but it mak’a him awfu’ , prood, and male’s him stick! tao the gong. If we didna humor him that , way, ho micht tak’ the strunts and leave ns, and wo could ill spare him at present." Noo,-.Mr. Editor, that wra a’ that happened between Mac and me, and I think that Mr. Murphy needna hao made a sang aboot it. But, sir, I had better tell jo the reason.why I went up tao Wellington, and then I’ll hae done. Ae day U, happened to dariner into tho Occidental Hotel, aud wha did I fin’ there but his Worship (Mr. Leary) sitting in the wee bit bar-parlor. “ How do you do, Sandy !” says he. •. - “ Brawly, brawly, thank ye,”, says I. “Sandy,” says he, “will you . go ’up to Wellington with Mr. Walter , and me tomorrow ? We are going up about that water business, .and we would feel proud of your company,'.’:. “ Well,’’ says I, “ X daresay I could spare the time"; but the expense will be something considerable.” .... . “ Oh, damn the expense,” says he (for I’m sorry tae says that oor Mayor sweera sometimes) ; .“Til pay all expenses'. The City Council votes me whatever I want, and asks no questions,” “ In. that ■ case, then,” says X, “ I think I’ll gang ; it 'll ho a wee bit change for me.” Wi' that a messenger cam’ o’er frao the Cooncil Chambers (I believe they keep a messenger for that purpose) tao tell him he : was wanted tae sign some paper, when ho wont awa’. But jist at that moment Mr. Walter cam* in, whoa I tauld him the conver- 1 satiou whisk, I had had wi’ his Worship. “ Oh ! you must come,' Sandy,” says ho. “It’s so jolly'travelling aud enjoying oneself at tho public’s expense ; and then his Worship is so liberal and'off-handed when ho is spending the people’s, money, you would think ‘ he was to tho manner born.’ ” ; So that’s tho way I went tao Wellington, .and it,was, pleasant- trip indeed. Ae nicht,' hooeyer,.-there was, a bit squall, but it blew over without daeing muckle harm. It was that nicht when, they fonn’they had to oat tho leek, and could get naething frae tho Government that they couldna hao got withoot going tae Wellington. When they cam’ ,intac tho room in which I was sitting, they were baith as wud as wud could bo. The deil was looking riot o’ baith their eon. After a wee, his Worship, said : . “Mr. Walter, this is all your fault, for it was you who proposed that we should come on this fool’s errand.” “ No, Mr.; Leary, it Is not ray fault, but yours, for you did not lay tho matter properly before the Government. Yon .would not let me speak a word, because you are so conceited, and at the same time so stupid that you think, no one can do anything bat yourself. You have made a pretty mess of it.” : Wi' thatthe Mayor gat awfu’ red aboot tho chaffs, and shouted oot, “Your a”- , _ . * r , . “ Your another,” replied Mr, Walter. Wi’that they baith gat up, and began tae' tak’ all tbeiy .coats, sweeriug they wad feoht, but I gat up and stood between them, and said — “ Na, na, the’ll be nae foohting here. Wo hae had onouch o’ fechts among the city oooncillors a’ready, and I dinna want tao see ane o' yo going aboot tho streets wi’ glasses on, taa ! hide: yer black ecu. So, sit doon baith o’ ye, for yo'll no fecht as lang’s Sandy Macpherson is in yer eomp’noy.” Weel, wad ,yo. believe, whan his Worship couldna’ get fechtlng ho went into a kind o’ fit; and threw himael' on a sofa. It was a melancholy., sicht tae see him lying there, wi’ Mr. Walter on ae side wi’ a bottle o’ smelling sauts in bis boun', and mo on tho other’wi’ a bottle o’ guid whiskey in mine ; for ye see Walter was noo sorry, and repented having oa'd his Worship a" loom*. At last Mr. Leary opens his eon arid says taome—‘' ' ’ ; ■ “Sandy, Sqndy, what’s to be done ?” “ SYoel;' yer; Worship," says I, “I think the’ be»f thing yo can dao is'"tao telegraph' doon tae Dunedin that your mission lias been sucoossfu 1 , 1 rind that you hao got a’ you Wanted,”’ ; ' ’ ’ ~ ’ i « Brit that’s; a lie, Sandy,” says ho! “ Ne’er mind that;” says I; “ Send it a’ the Sjime ; the greater part o’ Dunedin bodies will 1 believe it,”- . “There’s some truth in that,” says he, “ and I think the idea is a capital one; what think you,'Mr.; Walter J” • ; - ■ ■ ■ “ I think, your Worship, it’s the host thing wo can do,” answered Mr. Walter. r ~ “Wd must brave it out now; • There’s no other course left.” ‘ 1 ■ ■ - j ■ So -awaVWo went-to U\o telegraph office, and sent doon tho which you wad aoo

icT tHe'paperar ' Affcer that we went back tae the hotel,: and spent a happy nicht v They can baith sing aguid sang, and I maun say that I couldna* wish for better company, sae lang as they were travelling ph public business. Noo, Mr. Editor, I hae done ; and Tm sorry that-I hae ta’en up sae muckle o’ yer valuable paper ; but, ye see, that after beirigAttaeked by sic a gentleman as Paddy Murphy,! thocht it beat to mak* a full explanation, so that I michfc stand weel wi' your readers, and the public generally. Yours very truly, Sandy Macphersok. Dunedin, loth Oct., 1878.