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New Zealand Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 5414, 3 August 1878, Page 2 (Supplement)

A SwSEPINq-Cau Romance.—lt was ill the Cedar Hapicls sleeper. Outside it was dark as the inside of an ink bottle. In the sleeping-car people slept. Or tried it. Some of them slept like Christian men and women, peacefully, and sweetly, and quietly. Others slept like demops, malignantly, hideously, fiendishly, as though it was their mission to keep everybody else awake. Of these, the man in lower number three was the “boss.” ’When it came to a square snore with variations, you wanted to count “ lower three” in | with a full hand and a pocketful of rocks. AVe never I heard anything snore'like him, It was the most systematic snoring that was ever done, even on one of those tournaments of snoring, a sleeping-car. He didn’t begin as soon as the lamps were turned down ! and everybody was in bed. Oh, no. There was more cold-blooded diabolism in his system th m that. Ho waited till everybody had a little taste of sleep, Jlist to seehow good and pleasant it was, and then lie broke in on their slumbers like a winged breathing demon, and they never knew what peace was again that night. Ho started out with a terrific—“ Gu-r-r-r-t !” That opened every eye in the car. "Wo all hoped it was an accident, however, and trusting tliat ho would never do it again, we all forgave him. Then he blasted our hopes and curdled the sweet serenity of our forgiveness by a long-drawn. “ Gw-a, h-h-h I” That sounded too much like business to be accidental. Then every head in that sleepless sleeper was hold on the pillow for a minute, waiting, in breathless suspense, to hear the worst, and the sleeperm “ lower three” went on in long-drawn, regular cadences, that indicated good staying qualities, “'-wa-a-ah 1 Gwa-a-a ah ! ftahwahwah ? Gahwahwah ? Gawha a-a-ah !” Evidently it was going to last all night, and .the weary heads dropped back on the sleepless pillows, and the swearing began. It mumbled along in low muttering tones,’ like distant echoes of a profane thunderstorm. Pretty soon “ lower three” gave ns a variation. He shot off a spiteful “ Gwook !” which sounded as though his nose Jiad got mad at him, and was going to strike. Then there was a pause, and wo began to hope that ho had either awakened from the sleep or strangled to death. Nobody cared particularly which. But he dissapointed everybody with a guttural “Gurooch !” Then he paused again for breath, and when he had accumulated enough for his purpose he resumed with a stentorian “ Kowpf!” that nearly shot the roof olf the car. Then he went on playing such fantastic tricks with his nose, and breathing things that would make the immort il gods weep if they did but hear him. It seemed a matter incredible, it seemed an utter preposterous, Impossibility that any human being could make the monstrous, hideous notes with its breathing machine that the fellow in “ lower three" was making with his. He ran through all the ranges of the nasal gamut, ho went up and down a very chromatic scale of snores, ho ran through intricate and fearful variations, until it seemed that his nose mfist be out of joint in a thousand places. All the night and all night through - he told his story. "Gawoh ! gurrh ! gu-r-r-a’l Kowoff ! ! Gaw-aw-wah ! gawah, ' hah ! gwock ! ewarrt i gwah-h-h-h-wliooof !” Just as the oth*»r passengers had consulted together how they might slay him, morning dawned, “ lower number three” awoke. Everybody watched the curtains to see what manner of man it was that made that beautiful sleeping-cir a pandemonium. Presently the toilet was completed, the curtains parted, and, “lower number three” stood revealed. Great heavens ! It was a fair young girl, with golden hair and timid pleading eyes, like a hunted fawn’s ! Philosophises say that shutting the eyes makes the sense of hearing more acuto. A wag says that this accounts for the many closed eyes that are to be seen in church.