A WAYZGOOSE.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXIII, Issue 5337, 6 May 1878, Page 2

A WAYZGOOSE.

What is it ? what does it mean?. Both questions ara likely to he asked by those of the : uninitiated who read the heading. .What'the' word means may be guessed at, hut. its true interpretation nobody knows. Its derivation, and, the date of: its first appearance in the English language are things “ that no fellah' can understand.” People who were at the Hutt on Saturday afternoon and saw men trying to play cricket in long: wet grass while a smart shower was falling,'asked for an explanation of such enthusiastic cricketing, and werc told “ Oh, it is a wayzgoose.” ■. When: one big stout, man " was apparently, chasing a; little active man along the middle of - a muddy road, splashing through i big pools, taking little puddles in his, stride, .women of inquiring minds were told “ There is.a wayzgoose. today.” A grey-headed man and a small boy, both with coats off and very wet shirt-sleeves, were trying to play quoits to the amusement ■ of three or four Maoris, who murmured occasionally, “ No good/ Kahore the rain. Kapai te Walentines.” When told it was “a wayzgoose” they desisted and silently wondered. In Valentine’s nine men at one table had three bottles of stone with, strange Tables hearing the name of “ Jeffrey” upon them. Conversation was brisk, several voices being heard together. They were engaged in : discussing the relative strength of their own heads and that of the -bottles, or rather of what was , in ..each, Just as, one,’was, /citing eases that’ had come under ’ his notice a year before,-a traveller, said, “.Landlord, business is', brisk ; you wont sell out now;" to which the landlord gave a reply that mystified- the weary tramper —“ Oh, it’s only a wayzgoose.”,, A grave and dignified man with portly form and snowy hair walked deliberately out from the hotel, holding carefully in one hand a jam-tin, from which he uncoiled many fathoms of thin twine, and then went through some interesting pantomime, first placing: his mouth to the tin, and then putting the tin to his ear, in a'knowing way. Two old Maoris, man and wife, st >pped in the road to watch the. singular performance. They could not .understand it. Then they looked kindly and ptiyingly. The pakeha was mad. . Entering the hotel they asked what it meant, and- were told, firstly, it was a “ wayzgoose,” and, secondly, that it was a telephone. After a Tittle persuasion the Maoris tried, the telephone, and kept up a long korero, both being highly delighted and sorely puzzled. Certainly it was strange, to hear the sounds of an unknown tongue issuing from a jam-tin. It beat ,the Delphic Oracle out and out. A pleasant sight it was to see the high-born'and haughty Maori - dame;. gently lead. the: aged telephonist pakeha by the hand across the road, along the .passage into the house, and plainlively say “You shoutee four drinks, ah?” That was a part of the wayzgoose. Passengers by the 3.30 up-train had their minds soothed by the clear " Old Huudreth” chanted by many voices,” and the guard told a .deaf old lady, who had heard about‘the.trains bepng used for funerals, and thought the practice .had been commenced here, that it L was only a-“ wayzgoose.” At night people hearing “Hip, hip hurrah,” 1 , “He’s , a jolly good-cfellow, ’’r and “Auld Lang Syne” as they wont by the Panama Hotel, Te Aro, got the same reply to their queries as the Maoris and the. deaf old lady,; they were, told: It is a wayzgoose.”, . ’This is rather giving the meaning of the word by a process of negation, but our columns are open to any one who is sure he, knows its true signification. Some dictionaries aay.it is a printers’ festival,but ,there lives ; not a printer who can satisfy .any three, others that.he, can expound the true interpretation.;: ; Saturday's wayzgoose was that of the New Zealand Times Companionship. ..The committee had arranged for a day of sports at the Hutt and a dinner at the Panama Hotel in the evening, but while the rain, interfered, sadly with the first part of the programme, it did not with the last... At 7.30 about. 50 sat.down to a capital ; spread, the chair being, taken by Mr./Tbomas : McKenzie,"Manager of Tiinejs Newspaper Company, Limited. Apologies were made for the non-attendance, of My. Walter ; Johnston, M.H.8., chairman of the board, Mr,

F. A. Krull, director, Mr. Moorhouse, Captain Holt, Mr. Didsbury, and Mr. J. M, Taylor. It will hardly do to say that no reporters were present, as a reason for not having preserved the eloquent speeches delivered, but the fact was. the reporters said “It is a wayz-goose,"-and struck. -"Fortunately, a committeeman had written a list of toasts, and from that it is learnt that the following were given. ‘The Queen;’! “The Prince of vVales and- the rest of the Royal Family ; “ The Parliament of Hew Zealand,” responded to by the Hon. Hr. Pollen, M.L.C. • “Success to the Zealand Times,” responded to Mr. George Hunter, M.H.R.; “ The Board of Directors,” responded to by Mr. E. ‘A’". Mills ; “ The Literary Staff,” responded to by Dr. Pollen, editor ; “ The Commercial Department,” responded to by Mr. Joseph Armit'y “ The 'Mechanical. .Department,” responded to by Mr. W. M. Muir; “ The Companionship,” responded to by Mr. H. Mason, father of the chapel; “The Press," responded to by Mr., Lionel Brown, subeditor ; “ The Visitors,” responded to by Mr. John Young ; “The Ladies,” responded to by Mr. H. McKenzie ; “ The’ Chairman;” and lastly, “The Host and Hostess.” It is rather a pity that the reporters were on strike, for some things said were worthy of being recorded. To wit, an interesting description of the manner in which a staff of two, with the help of a small Maori boy and a washerwoman’s mangle, brought out a leading journal of the North in the days of “ Old New Zealand.” A scene worthy of the pencil of the great masters was described. On the beach at Petone, in the centre of a small crowd of Maoris and whites, a man and a boy stood anxiously gazingintoa “go-ashore pot’” in which a quantity of treacle and glue had been placed. They put now a little more glue and then a little more treacle, ladled some out, cooled, and did strange things with it. The Maoris thought they were cooking, but they were simply making a roller wherewith to ink the type that was to print the first paper published on the shores of Poneke. A tale, new to most present, but well remembered by old identities, was told. It was of two Pressmen sent off to the gaol at Mount Cook for publishing a letter which commented on alleged impartial conduct of a Judge. The liberty of the Press was fought for in those ancient days, and the prisoners being well supported rby public opinion were allowed to walk out one morning. Some of the songs were- better, than , some of the speeches ; but some were not. One baritone gave the second verse of one, and broke down. Last .year he sang the first, and stopped. To make up for this a basso sang the same song twice, once at half-past 9 and again at 11 o'clock. Several of the speeches delivered were excellent, and it is said that so was one which was not delivered. A “devil” hints that a compositor hearing that the orations were to be reported, prepared his beforehand, but did not, as other great men do, write it. No ; he set it up in type, all ready to drop on the gaffey. Everybody who was ; at the dinner thinks it must be a capital speech, because he commenced very well,, and for thirty seconds was really eloquent, but then his memory failed him.' Yesterday morning, when the church bells were ringing, he was secretly “ dissing ” his intended remarks, and saying spitefully somebody was a fool It would he hazardous, and possibly would appear bounqeable, to say any of the things uttered; as to the future of the-TiMES. -Orators used similes and spoke in parables. “ A long pull, a strong pull,” &o. “ never say die," bravely the pilot stands by the helm,” “a worthy member of a powerful and a free Press,” : “ united we .stand,” &0., “ a gallant captain and a brave crew,” “ remember the story of, the bundle of sticks,” “ a brighter future awaits us,” and a few more like payings, may be thrown in here and there, scattered pepper-box fashion, by anyone.who. wishes to form a faint idea of the prevailing sentiments as they flowed from one, rushed from another, and. jerked, spasmodically and intermittently from a third. : Thanks unspoken, but none the less felt to he due, were richly earned by the committee who had charge of all the arrangements. They will likely have to do the same work next year, and at many more wayzgooses or wayzgeese. Reader, not. the gentle reader, but the slave of the lamp, or under the gaslight, which is it ?