THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 5118, 18 August 1877, Page 1 (Supplement)

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail.) Qui scit an adjiciant hodiernse "crastina suramre Tempora Di Snpcri.—Horace. A gentleman from Otago tells mo a story which may or may not be original; bat which is none the less good. A well-known public person in the mining districts of Otago is given to confusing words with some similarity of sound and great diversity of meaning. Thus, for instance, not long since ho announced his discovery of a mine of " lumbago." Shortly afterwards he complained of "plumbago" in the back ; and at last hearing of him, he was by his own account, afflicted with "haricot" veins

in his leg. During a late contest for a seat in one of our County Councils a sitting member came to a candidate and borrowed from him a horse, with saddle and bridle, £2O, and a pair of leggings. Thus prepared he undertook an active canvass . against the candidate, who now says he was not previously aware of the depths of duplicity of whjch the human heart is capable. One of the most iutoresting incidents when the HoitSb of Representatives is in session occurs whenever the Clerk has to read a document to the House. The manner in which the reporters get as near him as they can without tumbling head first on to the Ministerial benches is a sight sweet to look upon. A recent accession to the ranks of journalists in Wellington during the occurrenceof one of the incidents mentioned wa3 with difficulty persuaded that if he got on top of Mr. Speaker's chair, so as to have a chance of hearing the Clerk, he might also get into trouble. It may be safely taken for granted that the New Zealand Times is about the best abused paper in the colonies. When I find journalists and legislators alike agreeing that it should not exist, I begin to feel pretty confident that its existence troubles a good many people, and that this fact will not injure its vitality. A good deal of comment has come to my ears on the circumstance that Mr. Stout has moved in Parliament that the Governor should be elected by the people, and has occupied the Marquis of Normanby's usual seat in church at least one evening. Perhaps the member for Dnnedin, in view of future contingencies, was trying how the place would suit him. The following adaptation of an old rhyme comes from Bellamy's : Kees eating rotten cheese did say, " Like Sampson I my thousands slay." "Aye," quoth a member, " that you do, And with the self same weapon too."

A correspondent in Dunedin says : —" Some time ago I sent an advertisement for insertion in the New Zealand Times. The day on which it made its first appearance I received a telegram somewhat to this effect—- ' Please telegraph order to insert your advertisement in Evening . Times has no circulation, no influence, no anything. Evening most influential, and has largest circulation in colony. Kates of advertising low ; no reasonable offer refused.' Had the sendera of that telegram contented themselves by merely asking for my advertisement, without endeavoring to injure one in the same trade as themselves, they might have got it. As it is, their telegram is still unanswered." "The Doctor" Jdndly favors me with the following : The Bill forXocal Option Is a Bill for local stoption; And in case of its adoption, - AVillleadtoJocalrobtion. There is a horrible tale told about the gentleman who temporarily occupies Mr. Crawford's place as Eesidenfc Magistrate in Wellington. On the morning of the day on which he commenced his duties, he presented himself in Court at half-past 9 o'clock, and began ■ investigating its arrangements for himself. "While so engaged, he got into conversation with a policeman, who, struck by the affability of his demeanor, suddenly asked him, "What is the new 'beak' like?" When he took his seat on the bench, that policeman wa3 covered with blushes the tint of a cabbage rose.

A gentleman who is fond of using long words without a distinct knowledge of their meaning, and who boasts that he was once a seaman, in her Majesty's service, was telling the other day how some captain or another made the. boats tow the ship under a hot_ sun "And," said he, "in less than half a minute every man was covered with premeditation." Seeing a look amongst his audience, indicating ho was not quite understood, he rapidly added " I mean sweat."

One of God's chosen people, who in business language had been " backing " a Gentile in certain speculations, showed the other day that, according to the strictest sect of his religion, he had been reared a Pharisee. He declined to make a business appointment with the Gentile on a particular Saturday, because that was his Sabbath. But he took advantage of that game Saturday to go rather more than a Sabbath day's journey into the country to minutely inspect for himself the speculation in which he had an interest, and from which he knew the Gentile would be absent. And of such are the kingdom of Heaven. The Opposition are getting strength daily; They combine two gentlemen who have been promised the Attorney-Generalship in the new Ministry, four who are to have the Premiership, six assured of the Colonial Treasurership, five with whom the Ministership for Education is a certainty, ten that have each a distinct compact as to the portfolio for Public Works, and about thirty who more than expect the minor offices. Their common platform (which, by the way, I heard an hon. member describe as a d d uncommon platform), is indicated by the above position of affairs. It gives them great coherency until they shall have turned out the present Ministry; it promises to split itself into chips soon after that event.

If I am not misinformed, an indignant literary man in Wellington lately wrote a letter to the proprietors of the newspaper with which he was connected, resigning his situation with a fine burst of honest feeling. His fine burst of honest feeling, however, was marred by a tendency similar to that of the young nobleman who always spelled "physic" with an " f." The literary man wrote, among other things, that he would not be " subserviant."