THE POOR.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 5115, 15 August 1877, Page 2

THE POOR.

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TO THE EDITOR OF THE NEW ZEiUND TIMES. Sm, —I think I have a just cause of complaint against you, seeing that whilst you can always find room for -the speeches of our M.L.C.’s and M.H.R.’s, it is with the greatest difficulty you can find a corner wherein to squeeze, the sayings and ideas of our J.F.’s. I have again to trouble you with another “dream.” This time about a certain J.P., and the cruel manner in which he treated “ the ; poor.” I may say myself en passant that the listening to and, reading of various speeches lately has brought forcibly to my recollection what a clown once told us at a circus. I fear he was of the wicked. “ When I hear a man going about exclaiming ‘ this is a wicked world, this is a wicked world,’ I always think to myself then, my good man, why don’t you pack up your traps and get out of this wicked world.” Were it not for ,tbat terrible bar (I’m awful ’feard of that bar), I ,might suggest to one at least of your readers (I wonder does he read the papers ; if so X imagine he would rather admire your and my style the other morning. I think we warmed him a little—him with his “predecessors”) thathe should apply the above to himself and give us a practical illustration of it, slightly amended, for “world” read “ House.” 1 shall be very happy to supply a portmanteau with a brand new pump-handle. I may state the'J.P. I saw in my dream was a rather large man, with a very huge courthouse capable of containing many thousands, and that he appeared to labor under a strange dread of a certain “bar.” I may say he appeared to have “bar on the brain/’ The J.P. sat in Court reading the morning paper as follows: —"Neither the colony nor the colony’s creditors knew that: but they ought to know it. Then this question of the incidence of taxation ought to be settled at once. Tho Government talked much of

subsidies; but if they would alter the incidence of taxation, they might in one week relieve the working classes of taxation to the extent of £375,000 per aunum, or, m other words, grant to every family from the North Cape to Ssewart’s Island a subsidy of £5. It was most iniquitous that hundreds of thousands of pounds should be spent upon public works, to make the rich richer and the poor poorer. Let those who had benefited by the public works bear the cost of them.” The J.P. frowns ; ‘*Mr. Inspector, who are these ruffians who are expending hundreds of thousands of pounds to make the rich richer and the poor poorer, and making the poor bear the cost of them ?” “ That, your Worship, means the General Assembly." “ The General Assembly! This is news to me; I always thought it was the other way —that the General Assembly, many of them wealthy men, had raised large sums of money to be expended in public works in opening up this fine oountry,)so as ts prepare as it a i field for happy homes for the over-crowded populations of Europe, and.that they had already introduced large numbers who are at the present employed upon their public works’, knowing at the same time that both an income and property tax were certain U> follow, to meet the heavy charges upsn these loans. This must be looked into. Who IsTthis ‘G. Grey’ who has been saying this 1 ;” ■ "That, your Worship, is a party who figured' lately in the morning paper under the name of ‘Geordie.’” "What! my little friend—that little imp! I. read that long lecture to the 1 other morning.’ Why,” (looking at the date) "it must, hare been immediately after he left my, presence. I might well tell him to ‘try to perpetrate a miracle.’ Mr, Inspector, go bring the little imp to me, Mr. Sergeant, take all your men and find me-the deepest, muddiest, and most putrid hole in Wellington, and report.” The J.P. proceeds to the hole with the police and “Geordie” The J.P. swings Geordie to and fro, then pops him into the middle of the hole. Geordie does not like it,- he manages to scramble out, expects the J.P. to “doit again.” “No.no, no.” says the J.P., “ don’t come near me you dirty fellow, I’m a J.P., I mean to wash you now. Mr. Inspector, take twelve men with that imp, lead him with ropes, and. the first steamer you come across steam 100 miles to sea and throw him overboard; by the time he reaches his island home he may be cleaner than now, and more presentable before his pump-handle. ” Mr, Inspector, bring me here_ the editor of the morning colonial paper. * Mr. Editor, this is a serious business all these heavy oha,gcs against the Assembly and the people 1 of New Zealand, making the one out a parcel of rogues, the other a Parcel of fools. It will never do for you and me, two such important powers iu the State, the editor of the great colonial paper, and the “big J.P.” to stand by and quietly allow the good name of that poor little Assembly and the people of New Zealand to be taken from them in this way; we must really put ft stop to .this sort of tiling. Mr. 1 Editor, what is all this about the poor, dictionary me the poor 1” Editor begin? to hum and ha. “Hum me no ha's: tell mo who are these poor we he.ar so much about. I’m getting sick of this sort of thing.” " Your Worship, sometimes a man loses his arm or his leg." “ Well, they are poorish ; give them something to do. but help them. Then we have, the aged and infirm “ quite fright. “ Then again the sick and needy”, “Go on.” “ Then, again, some poor women with large families, whose husbands are either drunkards (the-J.P. frowns), or are too lazy tolwork (frowns again), or- mu away ana desert their wives and .families (frowns more) we send our wives, sisters, and daughters, to cheer those women with necessaries, and to talk to them about God’s will. His providence,- the Angels, and Heaven. “Very good." “Then we have a_number of poor orphans. Again we send our wives, sisters, ana daughters, and try to supply to them the place ox their lost fathers and ihothets. We feed, clothe, ana educate them ; tell them how to be good little girls and boys, that they may grow up to bo good men ana women; so that hereafter they may, inhabit those ‘ blest abodes ’ where ever are dwelling ‘angels ever Ibright and fair.’” “Very well put, Mr. ; Strikes me you ought to have been a, clergyman. (Editor coughs.) “But who are all these poor I read 'and hear so much about. These you have mentioned ! are not very numerous, lam thankful to see. I -cannot say, your Worship,- unless it be the !working or laboring classes.” “'What! those [great able-bodied bewhiskered . fellows I see 'trotting about." “Yes, your Worship.” You can go.” “ Mr. Inspector send out all your men.to scour this part of the country, and telegram the police throughout New Zealand. Charter all the steamers you can get-hold bf,.and bring me here ten thousand of the finest looking, most able-bodied, and most bp-. ■ whiskered (the more whisker the better) men you can get hold of from-all parts of New -Zealand. This ’ Court stands adjourned for one week:” In a weeks time the Court opened, The, men .troop into Court wondering what on earth is up. having only hitherto heard of the'“great J.P,” “Silence.” Enter the J.P. looking awtnl! , “My. men. I have sent for you; ain’t you ashamed of yourselves, a lot of great bigj able-bodied; bewhiskered, fine-looking men like you, . to allow those (that awful bar) to go on yabbermg about you, calling you ‘the poor,’ as’if you were just,so many poor, helpless, weakly, sickly, bedridden females; with twins, ” You go and tell.those (that bar again) to shut np if you don’t. I’ll set the big bar_ (blinks) “at you. I’ll treat you to a dose of the Historical Jaw Bone.’ - I’ll take all your votes from you, and give them to the women. I’ll have every Jackman of you shaved. I’ll have all your manly clothing taken from you .(you are a disgrace to man’s clotiling.) I will have you all rigged out in female apparel, with hair down to your heels; if not sufficient hair, I will supply cows’ tails, good enough for you, not having sufficient ... twins,. I .will supply each of you with a pair .of great big dollies, and”hav'e _ you"paraded through all your cities, towns, and . villages, where you shall ‘tosle posie* and ‘tutsie putsie your ‘dolly pollies,’ to the infinite merriment of all the women and children in the colony.” a most terrible peripatetic warning and example to all future generations of New Zealanders how the big J. P. treats the poor. “ Very sorry your,. Worship,” “Won’t do it again.” “Beg pardon, your Worship.” “THatwilldq, my men, that' will do.” “Tell them to shut up: it they don’t, hand them over to me. They_know me, leastways some of them. I’ll warm their rackets for them (My! I've been forgetting that bar: wheugh 1 I’ll catch it now.) My men. return to your homes, to your honest toil, and be thankful to a kind Providence for all the good things you enjoy in this fine new country ef 1 mine.” (This was because he was born in the country). “Leave all questions of the incidence of taxation, your aged and infirm, the poor lunatics, your sick and needy, your little orphan . cbickybiddies, and ' the . education of your little ones, to me. I give you my J.P. word tor it I will 'see those matters all properly adjusted and attended to : but, my men, when this money is all raised through taxation and those judicious artesian wells of ours in.the pockets of the rich, none of your larks —that money will not bo spent in subsidising ‘ every family from the North Cape to Stewart’s Island,-’ That is a korona idea, and I am sure you would not accept, if offered you. That money will be wanted, after making due provision for ail the purposes above named (your ‘ sailing orders,* mind you, are ‘forward’) to pay interest upon future loans, to be expended in further opening up the country, and importing a lot more fine fellows like you, with any amount of pretty girls (no giggling in Court.) •My men, mind your ‘ sailing orders ’ ‘ Increase, and multiply, and replenish the earth.’ Any amount of clergymen and pretty girls knocking about, (No laughter in Court; laugh-as much as you like when outside) Now, my men, I have only.a lew more words to say,“and -1 am done. Now we are become acquainted I trust we shall always be good friends. I look to the thoughtful and well disposed among you to keep those poor rowdiesyn- order. At a future time I mean to have a korero with you all how to put a stop to so much drinking, which is soinjnnous to you. We must have less ‘ drinkings and skippings.’ (I like that,) • Never mind old Fox ;he is only another koroua. I know him. If he does not mind what .he is about I shall have to warm bis jacket for him: he never was born to be an apostle. In conclusion, my men I give you a hymn, written by one, who, with all his faults, had more true religion in his composition, and more sound sense in his one solitary noddle than all your (that bar again) put together, lam afraid you are rather too old, and your education has been too much neglected for me to expect you to make much out of it yourselves, but I wish you to give it to your little boys. You can get them to sing it to yon occasionally, but I cannot supply them with a ‘second.’ Tell them from me that I wish them to study it thoroughly, and give me a better practical illustration, when grown men, of the two last lines than their pa’s ever attempted.” (Three most terrific cheers for the “big J.P.,’’ with one ringing cheer more,- almost brought down the Court House, miugled with cries of “That's tho J.P. for our money.”) “Thanks, my good men; very well done, indeed.” THE NEW ZEALAND HYMN. “A MAN’S A MAN FOR A’ THAT.” Is there for honest poverty That hangs his head, and a’ that ? 1 The coward slave we pass him by, We dare he poor for a’ that. For a’ that, and a’ that, Ouf toils obscure, and a’ that ; The rank ia but the guinea’s stamp, The man’s the gowd for a' that. What though ou hamely fare wo dine, . Wear hoddin-grey, and a’that, Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine ; A man’s a man for a’ that. For a’ that, and a’ that, Their tinsel show and a’that. The honest man, though e’er sae poor, Is king o’ men for a’ that. You see yon birkie, ca’d a lord, Wlia struts and stares, and a' that ; Though hundreds worship at his word. He’s but a cuif for a’ that. Eor a’ that, and a’ that, His ribbon, star, and a’that. The man of independent mind Can look and laugh at a’ that. A king can mat’ a belted knight, , A, marquis, duke, and a’ that ; But an honest man’s aboon his mioht, Gnde faith, he mannna fa'that ! For a’ that, and a’ that, i Their dignities, and a’ that, The pith o’ sense, the pride o’, worth, Are higher ranks than a' that. Then let us pray that come it may, As come it will, for a’ that, That sense and worth, o'er a' the earth, May bear the gree, and a' that. . For a’ that; and a’ that, , It’s cornin’ yet, for a* that, . When man to man, the warld o’er, Shall brothers be for a' that. —I am, &c., Thomas O. Wilium?, August 14,