THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 4982, 12 March 1877, Page 3

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail.)

Qxiis sdt an adjlciant hodiernse crastina summss Teiupora L>i Superi.—Horace. The consequences of my putting that question about the whale to Mr. Travers have been literally crashing. Poor Perrier has been asked to pay the lawyer £IOO solatium for wounded feelings. On this I have a remark to make, purely in way of explanation, namely, that whilst I recognise the right of Mr. Travers as his own solicitor to bring an action against Perrier as the fancied author of what I wrote, I do not recognise the right of Mr. Travers to pervert my meaning. If he will read carefully what I wrote concerning a whale, he will find that he was never even presumed to be the clever gentleman who first obtained legal possession of it. On the contrary, I merely asked_ Mr. Travers, as a candidate for the city, his opinion on what another gentleman had done ; and ibis ' civil question has been answered by a writ against somebody else, claiming £4OO damages for Mr, Travers. I hope he may get them. But, Mr. Travers, if I ask you another question about that whale will you answer it a I may tell you distinctly, as you ought to know, if you do not, by this time, that no one has I ■ tight to suspect, and I never as much as hinted, that you were the “whaleman,” if you will permit me the expression. The question I now ask you is of vital importance to the_ political interests of the country. It is this. Supposing that the gentleman who bought the whale from the pilot boats’ crew promised the coxswain a sufficient number of Brahmapootra eggs to set under a hen, independent of the £5, which went to both coxswain and crew, do yon think the coxswain can fairly claim them ? Another week, Mr. Travers, and I hope for a .reply, which surely this time will not be a writ against some person or persons unknown for £4OO. By the way, though, there is another aspect of this affair which a feeling of friendship for you makes me put before yon, Mr. Travers. Perrier is putting away his portable property so as to avoid payment of the £4OO in case he should lose. Now, I am going to tell where he has put it, so that it shall not escape you. * It is disposed of as follows :—■ Jttm.— One game rooster {personally and parenthetically, I’U back him for £SO against anything you can find), lately the property of Hr. James Stewart. Perrier has made a mock sale of it to the Inspector of Police, The bird is worth £2O. Jtem Nineteen drinks due and owing quite a long time from Perrier’s and Travers’ mutual friend Gillon. These have been hypothecated to Blundell Brothers for two Irish whiskys, and Blundell Brothers are sorrowing over their investment. Jtem. Impudence. He cannot find a sufficiently roomy leceptacle for this. jtem. Ready cash. This has been put in a nut-shell, and carefully covered by a gooseberry leaf. Oh, by the way, as a mutual friend, Mr. Travers, may I suggest to you a way out of this temporary embarassment with Perrier ? Suppose you take his bill, backed by Mr. Hutchison, for 55., and let the whole affair drop, I have attended at a good many agricultural shows, and therefore can speak with some confidence about that at the Hutt, where they omitted to ask “ me and the other fashionables” to lunch. In the first place, then, I felt like Elia all the time the Hon. W. B. Rhodes was speaking ; for all through his mellifluous nttrauses there was stealing on my senses a vision of roast pork, and when he sat down a voice seemed to whisper in my ear, 4 “pork chops,” “pork chops.” The members ■ 'Qj'f committee deserve all praise for the tasteful ■ '’manner in which they omitted from their proceedings in connection with lunch the toasts of “The Prize-takers,” “The Chairman," and « The Vice • Presidents.” Altogether there was exquisite tact displayed. It is a pity Mr. Editor of the New Zealand Times that your little paragraph about the dinner given by members of the Wellington Club to Mr. Pearce should have caused offence. Somehow somebody seems to think that you did not allocate your “ Mr.” and your “ Esq.” quite fairly. I can easily understand your difficulty, Mr. Editor. Mr. Gillon, Esq., was not present, and you got confused, the prefixes and affixes to the name of the gentlemen who were there being naturally indefinite as compared with the simple designations which everyone accords him. “Loftus made a demonstration before the Russian embassy by shouting ‘Down with Russia !’” I have this upon the authority of the Taranaki Herald. _ If it’s true, it shows a disgraceful state of things. Only the other day the Czar had a most important conversation at St. Petersburg with Lord Augustus Loftus, the object being to convince England, through its Minister, that Russia did not desire war and never had dreams of territorial aggrandisement. Yet his Lordship (as it would seem) immediately afterwards left his post at St. Petersburg, hurried to Constantinople, and made a demonstration (in plain English a “ row”) before the Russian embassy. He ought to be recalled at once if- the Herald is correct. But perhaps it isn’t; perhaps the sub-editor or the printer only muddled “ Softas ” into “ Loftus.” Shall we have another action for libel against a New Zealand newspaper ? Except the sheet-full of incongruity which the saint saw let down from heaven; I do net know of anything to match Mr. Travers’ election committee for what the Yankees might call pure “ mixedneas.” This willbe perhaps best shown by a report of a meeting of that committee with which I have been kindly obliged.

There were present —Messrs. Bunny (in the chair), Gillon, Anderson, Brandi n, and Dransfield. The proceedings commenced by Air. Bunny singing with exquisite taste, “ Birds in their little nests agree.” He then observed that there need be no difficulty about conducting the business of the meeting. It was true that Mr. Gillou was not on speaking terms with Air. Anderson, that Air. Anderson would readily be on head-punching terms with Air. Gillon, that it was a funny thing to see Air. Drausfield accommodating himself to circumstances, and that Air. Brandon in his heart despised himself for being in the company of most of them. “ However, gentlemen,” said Air. Bunny, “be it my task, to throw oil on the troubled waters; and this cannot bo better done than by calling on my friend Air. Gillou for a song.” Air. Gillon then favored the company with an adaptation suited to the occasion, and commencing “Jock Anderson my Joe, John,” When this was concluded, Air. Drausfield addressed those present, and remarked that he had had frequent proofs of the last singer's kindly nature, the x'ecollection of which so affected him that, with their permission, he would take up his hat and leave the room, never to return to it. Air, Bunny requested Air. Drausfield to stay until the formal business of the evening was concluded. The following resolutions were then proposed, seconded, and carried unanimously “ (1.) That whereas we all hate each other as badly as the devil hates holy water, but for reasons best known to ourselves hate Hutchison worse, it is agreed that Hutchison is a man of no position, who should be rejected at once by the ‘gentlemanly interest' of Wellington, including the whole of Air. Travers’ committee. (2.) That the ‘lntelligent Vagrant’ was altogether wrong when he endeavored to make Air. Travers, instead of Jonah, swallow the whale. (3.) That under any circumstances the whale is not to be allowed to swallow Air. Travers.” These resolutions having been communicated to Air. Travers, that gentleman entered the room and thanked his committee for the high and undeserved testimony to his merits which they had just accorded. He was sensible of the disinterested motives which had prompted them and others to support him on the present occasion ; and he could only, in reference to this, remark, in the language of his friend Wm. Sbakspere, Esq., “Very like a whale.” It afforded him the highest gratification that gentlemen like those present, who entertained the highest mutual respect and esteem for each other, should assist iu the work of returning him to Parliament, where his unceasing efforts should be devoted to codifying the laws of New Zealand into the compass of the ten commandments ; to getting patronage abolished in the Civil Service, so that none of those around him could ever bother him for assistance in getting a billet ; and to saying as little as he could on every subject in the greatest number of words possible. The meeting then terminated with a vote of thanks to the chair.

I fear that this present writing may be found steeped in Travers usqe ad nauseam. But what would you have ? Everyone is talking of Travers just now, and I must write; of what everyone talks anout. Therefore, I may be permitted to write a little more about him. Mr. Perrier tells me that returning from the country some time since he was greeted by 1 Mr. Travers with an ebullient affection such as might have been bestowed on some long lost brother suddenly restored, and was rather profusely complimented upon certain writings attributed to him. Then came some conversation on the election, induced by Mr. Travers volunteering a statement as to his present political views. The happy pair parted in mutual friendship, caused by the hope expressed by Mr. Perrier that Mr. Travers would not receive the support of all three Wellington papers. And now, in consequence of a little joke of mine, the subject of which was not Mr. Travers, but with which Mr. Travers has insisted on connecting himself, these pleasant people are at law. Tantcme irce in animis ccelesttbus.