LOVE AND MARRIAGE.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 4949, 1 February 1877, Page 3

LOVE AND MARRIAGE.

(From The World.)

It may not be amiss to notice that while the part which the passion of love plays in actual life, as well as our conceptions of married existence, have greatly changed in the last few years, marriage itself, - which was once [considered as the crown of love, retains all its ancient splendor as a rite, and is anticipated with undiminished eagerness as an end. !The daily journals still lavish their space upon the description of an .“aristocratic wedding “ in the same generous manner as before the god of love was dethroned, and the ceremony remains fhe occasion of the same triumphant toilettes, Ostentatious munificence, and effusive congratulations, as when the temple of Hymen was considered only to be. approachable after a long lane’ of passionate devotion in the way of courtship /had been ■ passed. .It-may even .-be said that in proportion as matrimony: has ceased to be a matter of affection, and has become an affair of arrangement, the local and ceremonial, accessories pf have been invested with .an increase of magnificence and pomp. Ten years ago St. George’s, Hanovercquare, was the loftiest goal of fashionable' wooing. Nowadays, if one would have a wedding go off with special eclat.it is necessary that the function take place in the national temple of theological' Lafatudinariaiiism, Westminster Abbey. No marriage in hi<rh life is complete unless the bonds, are tied by at least one bishop, and in many cases two are deemed no more than enough, colonial'prelates not counting. If the “auspicious event” comes off' in the country, we know what to . expect. There will be • ! a distinguished gathering of guests in the ancestral residence of the father of the bride ; the tenantry will, troop together from far and wide ; there will'be arches of flowers and evergreens in the park and the village; the path tothe church porch will be lined fvithi lilies; 'the hymeneal' procesriOn will b'e as; elaborate as a Lord Mayor’s show. Leaders' of fashion of both sexes will make superb,' presents to ; the bride,' because it’ is the right thing to do. Minor social luminaries will-do the. same thing, because their -superiors have set- the example ; social stars of the third degree will contribute their offerings, becaus.ee they wish to proclaim through the columns of the daily Preas, ; which publishes a cata'ogue raisonni of all the gifts* their acquaint affc.e with' the' illustrious ' family ; and eminent statesmen of both parties will be duly repre-, seated in this last, because they wish to keep, upon amiable terms with the. head of the house to which the bride bolongs. or because they consider it prudent to proclaim the, fact that public and political differences have not interfered with the'eourse of private friendships or because they are anxious to eeeure, the bridegroom as a rising young statesman to their side. If the scale of, Splendor on which, we celebrate our marriages constitute^ 1 an, apotheosis of the passion of love, we should be a nation otCorydons and Phyllises; just it the sombrenesa of a metropolitan Sabbath were a sign of virtue, London would j undoubtedly be the most God-feiriilg capital in the world. . i ' As might be expected, this hatflt of overprotestation in the case of our marriage ob* aervances is significant of anything, father ;than a growing reverence .for the state wbich marriage inaugurates, or for those, empUona of the heart of which wedlock is supposed to be the ecstatic assertion.' • To see .what love jbl real life is not, it may be well for a moment to glaneo ftt wiuit in novels love is.- 'Whether we * .. . - ; 7

' take'thfe' fictions : of George 1 ‘Eliot •Rhoda Broughton, love, is the -animating, principlc of the whole story.- It may be a higher . .or % lowerl affection ; a 'passion debased or a passion purified and/exalted,p.but’-it Is love. , Sometimes, it is a fierce scorching, pas^ sion which Shrivels all ■ before it —a wild, irregular, calamitous, force which works nothing but havoc and misery. Sometimes it is a mild and beneficent influence which diffuses itself around: ini an agreeable:and temperate, manner, shedding wherever it reaches the gentle glow Of domestic felicity.’ It may be, said .that George Eliot has other lessons, to. preach than those of the supremacy or the sufficiency of love, and that her prime purpose is to transport uS out of the region ot’our own personal cares and pleasures. But to nineteentwentieths of the readers' of heV books, they would ’be, quite intolerable without the incidents and episodes of: love-making j and whether 1 it : be for the purpose of warning and example, the fact ’ remains that with no modern novelist of the first order does love play so prominent a part as’ with- George Eliot. It is probable that the view, of existence thus suggested is acceptable to the general reader, for the reason that it is so entire a contrast to the experiences of actual life. Nothing of . the soyt is seen among or felt by the vast mass of the men and .women of the-everyday world.- -In this nineteenth century competition for existence thereis really no place for it. Business and pleasure are recognised as great" controlling. forces humanity; ' but surely not love. ,Ambition and even hatred ; may be tbe mainsprings; of much of human action, but hot love aS depicted in the novelist’s pages.' . There is a familiar table, much employed in assurance offices, computing the chances of mortality at. different periods of life, and from'which it would seem that the contingency of death is more as the critical years of manhood'are-left behind, r A, similar sort of estimate' might be drawn up of the chances of 'matrimony. Thus the; man who is unmarried at twenty-five may possibly not have taken a wife by, the time he is thirty. If he is a bachelor at thirty, a bachelor he will probably be at thirty-five ; and so on- to the end of the chapter.': As long as “Jove” rhymes with’ “dove” young men and young, women will do insane things under the 1 influence of the universal passion; But after the. first feverish infatuations of early youth have passed away nothing is more certain tham that the universal passion is brought up' with a sharp turn, and permitted no longer to, be a dominating force. i Macaulay; in his explanation of the reasons why the younger Pitt never felt the influence . of love, gives the first place to the fact; that he was “very busy.”- In the present age there may be comparatively little genuine and elevated ambition ; but material prosperity isan idol which commands the homage of all. Next to that, men and women are ardent and ■ indefatigable in the cause of enjoyment and excitement. Where, then, in this fierce! conflict of motives, and in the struggle which they engender, is room to be found for love ? The sigh of the swain is drowned in the snout of the battle, and with it all the tender impulses of which the sigh" was the traditional expression. The idea of marriage remains as firmly seated in the minds of the rising generation as ever ; but marriage itself has ceased to mean the gratification of an individual attachment, and derives all its power from the fact that it is a mode of social and personal promotion. Even with young and innocent English girls the aspect of marriage least dwelt upon is that of an existence passed in the immediate companionship of the choice of their heart. The institution provides them personal freedom, more of social pleasure and distraction, the- envy of the husbandless 'maidens of their acquaintance. ‘The least ' desirable condition of this proud and : happy lot is that it* implies more or less' of bondage under one definite lord and master. It is true that one occasionally bears of individual happiness as wrecked and lost for ever in cdnsequence of male viljany or feminine fickleness. But the “for ever” is merely a conventional figure of speech it does not inean any important part of a lifetime ; it does not involve any serious : disturbance of plans already made. ; if does' not carry with it incapacity for work or‘play. The chance comes round again ; and even if it does not, existence continues, and the opportunities of existence, for profit, or for , pleasure are; the same, What the Athenian statesmen defined as the chief glory of a woman, to have as little said about her in the way of praise as blame, may be considered the great criterion of married felicity. When it is jaoisily protested ;that husband and wife are in the perpetual enjoy, ment of more than mortal beatitude, the legitimate inference is that,, they are only happy -when-they- are apart; .just aa. tha -more demonstrative eulogies passed : by the widow on her late husband- have invariably been preceded by the vituperative diatribes of the wife. Marriages are really: happy in proportion as they are passionless partnerships, -with no'professions of bliss and-.no occasions of scandal; nor can there be a ,theory, of marriage which operates .better than the qualified independence of Husband and wife. ' If the bread-winner goes before, his time, there may be real grief to those whoi survive him ; if he has made proper provision fop his relict and the orphans,' life will go on just as smoothly and-on the same lines as before. The world is made dp of those who , livOor pleasure' and for ,toil,i and • for both. The nrst have not theinclination to trouble .themselves about love, the second have not the J time, the third are destitute of both, • j,, : . . - .existence ino individual man or . woman is indispensable; that if a Shakspere or an Elizabeth had never lived; there would have been Some one to do their work,- It is equally true that for the liappiness of no individual man or woman is any woman or man essential, iThe late Lord Lytton wrote some., very pretty Verses, whose refrain would inculcate a, diffe-' rent philosophy;;, but considerable' license is ' always given to poets, and his lordship would have been the first, to-allow. that, in this instance, he had only, availed himself of the hereditary privilege.,, Now, so long, as novels proceed upon this mistaken principle, I the views of life - with which they present us must bo .'radically unsound and even, mischievous. The, chieftain yvhdnij Young .Lochinyar robbed of his bride no , doubt mated'Happily, a Very few, years or months afterwards;,,,therei are Lochinvars 'in real life, and ; probably; the; amorous havoc which they work is not less easily repaired. ' The persistency with which the novelists of to-day,aim at demonstrating _the impossibility of this’ can’ only. be. accounted for by i the: belief‘.which a, prqsaic ; and selfish generation experience in the wild -.ports of Romance. -But it is probable for all •this that: the time la .coming ,whem. love will .in .novels, a position, analogous, to: that )which it fills in the. everyday, world,; and when authors of novels wiU -not shrink • from the: realism which a- substantial modification of the existing literary views of mamage must in-, ivolvo., • ,THe ; .experiences of one generation are said to constitute the inherited instincts of the next; if that, is true. In the: region of literary; creation, .the love-controlled, philosophy' of , George Eliot and Miss- Broughton will ;fiftyyears hence appear, equally grotesque and im-' possible to the English-novelist. • ■ ;