THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 4929, 9 January 1877, Page 3

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

"(From the New Zeaiasd Mail.) Quia soit an adjiciant hodieraae cttatlna. summae Tempora Di Superi.—Horace. «: : When I die let there be written on my tomb "He was not destitute of patience, but the perusal'of descriptive writing in the daily press killed him." The following is one bit taken from a brilliant description of the sports on New Year's Day, which hastened me towards dissolution :—" The flat ground in front of the stand was" pulverised on its Surface by the restless traffic of the multitude whose ceaseless movements resembled the * working '< of. an Egyp-' tian pitcher of tamed vipera." The pictorial supplement to the AustraZatian . Skttchtr, pourtraying "a game of _ euchre," geems to have obtained "golden opinions from all sorts of people." Yet it is evident that the artist knows nothing of euchre, for he makes the trump card the three of diamonds. It is but fair to say, however, that he is as skilful with his pencil as he seems to be ignorant of a purely scientific game. The above reminds me of one or two remarkable cases of. disregard of the unities exhibited by artists. More than ten years ago j there was published in Sydney,, as a supplement to an illustrated paper, a colored print of the landing of Captain Cook at Botany Bay. 1 It was very nice. The great discoverer stood j in the foreground in dress wig, tail coat, knee | breeches, stockings, shoes and buckles. There were 1 officers and seamen around him. Close by, the ship's butcher was cutting up a kanga- ! roo, in the middle distance a party of marines I in their 'strange old uniforms were blazing j away at some natives, and a little way off on the water a steamer was blowing off her steam. , Another anachronism may be found in |an edition of the Bible, with a frontispiece, published some hundred years or so ago. In one portion of the frontispiece is a representation of the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve, in their primitive dresses of sunbeams, are in the foreground, and around them are all sorts of animals in a state of docility. In the background is a sportsman letting fly at a snipe with a flint-lock gun, and encouraged thereto by a setter dog that has just put up his game for him. All the Wellington newspapers are now doing a perfectly enormous business, and were never before so crowded with well- , paid advertisements. This leads to in- | stances of goodnature towards advertisers.

Thus I noticed that the Government advertisement fixing the times and places for the first meetings of the County Councils, though only ordered to be inserted once, was kindly published three times by one paper. Without being specific, I may say that paper was neither the New Zealand Times nor the Evening Post. ~.-.. Let me remonstrate with a writer in the Evening Post. J admit that in fashionable intelligence and attenuated jocularity he excels me, t)ut I do claim to know something about spelling. Therefore, when he writes that he is unable to ascertain the "sir name" of an offender, I would point out to him that so long as he spells it this way he is unlikely to find out anybody's " sir name." A friend in Otago writes to tell me of what he is pleased to call an awful deception. He assures me that the real Mr. Macandrow went home to Scotland somewhere about the beginniog of last session of Parliament, and that what we have since regarded as the Superintendent and ex-Superintendent of Otago is only,-a gentleman "made up," as stage language has it, to represent the original. He says that the objeot of the ge'nuin* Mac in going Home was to raise funds, for the prosecution of I that appeal to the Queen in person which he and Sir George Grey are about to undertake.; As a proof that Mri Macandrew is likely to be successful in getting the'necessary money, my j friend, forwards me the following from the I Aberdeen- Daily Free Press of September 10th : ' "Prof. Mo Andrew, the Scottishconjurer—an J Aberdoniah, by the another of; his magical performances in the Athenasuni'Hall, , Castle-street, Aberdeen, last night. Tb,e. en- ' tertainmeht consisted of the usual tricks of ■', legerdemain, enlivened by several dexterous I feats, invented by Professor McAndraV." It , will be admitted, I think, that Mr. Macandrew | .has taken that line in the " show business" for , which he is most eminently qualified." ._ | An occasional correspondent at Castle. Point tells, me, that a gentleman there being'asked to | 'represent,'a.particular riding in the County, Council said that he would npt '■ unless thfe | General' Governmetit"presented 'eapb., inambex,. with a horse, for that fie'Voulfl "b"e some- i thlnged if "he wasted his J about for the good of other people. be., feared that though an excellent judge' ora. v| sheep, this .gentleman's . acquaintance with ■, territorial nomenclature is limited. I Prom the same source I learn that a settler, ! ■in whom a decorous middle age has succeeded | fa somewhat lively youth, was riding across the Mungapakeha swamp road last winter, when, his horse got irretrievably bogged. After all (efforts to extricate the animal had failed, the •settler for five minutes addressed things in ,'general in a profusion of metaphor gathered from byegone acquirements in that line. Pausing at the end of the time mentioned, he looked up and saw his clergyman-regarding him with astonishment. "Man," . said the j settler, "I have been asleep, and dreaming that J was.a boy. again." ' ,i' [ ''-"- ' ■'■ '•-''' !; '"' ; ' \\ I want to be a newspaper editor. He can always answer questions from correspondents. I I cannot. My knowledge is not sufficiently multifarious, and my correspondents are mostly people who begin by saying to me " What will you have," and who terminate with the inquiry, "Who were you hitting at in that last I paragraph in 'The Vagrant.' " Ab ovo usque ad ! malum, or from beginning to end the conversation involves difficulties. In "the confusion bf mixed drinks " there is and in ! the deßire to know who I am hitting at there is worse. I mention these circumstances, because four-and-twenty Freemasons, all in a row have asked- me lately what I meant by a" paragraph relating to jewellery peculiar to the craft." I "never know what I mean/ and therefore I can only refer those who spoke to ine to the authority I quoted on the occasion I first wrete. • . ■ I An awful occurrence. Lawn Tennis was started somewhere opposite the new Governi ment Buildings.. In order to indicate its inauguration a. flag was hoisted having on it the letters L. T. Someone rushed into the build*ings and said to the civil servants—" Gentlemen, that little affair about the luncheon time is settled. Government are going to allow half an hour, and to properly start the new era gi ve : , yon all a free lunch to-day in marquees. See, there's the flag flying, L. T. 'Lunch at Two.'": -The exodus of civil servants in the direction of the flag was immense. Because some one chose to write sincerely about the late Sir Donald McLean he has been accused of whining and canting. When the accuser dies no one will whine or cant about him'l. can safely say. By the way, I trust that-no efforts to put up a statue to Sir Donald will be made. He wants no such monument.- The country subdued to civilisation, is a monument to his work—a monument that will daily grow greater'arid greater, and keep the memory of the dead whom it commemorates green for generations to come. Statues may stand in your fairest streets, .. Pillars ma/ point where a soldi«r fell; These can attest a battle veil fought. And a mournful tale can tell. . Bat the meetest mark for his sacre4 dust Is the land where a great good man.has died, Where in after years his fame may be fresh . As a nation's greatest pride. • : Where in after years and in times to come Cities may rise and farms may smile, Grandsire's lips may their perils relate, 1 And children may listen the while. ■< ,