THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 4904, 9 December 1876, Page 1 (Supplement)

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail.) Quls sclt an adjlclant hodiernte crostlna sumrnte Tempora Di Super!.—Horace. The committee charged with conducting the ceremonies incidental to the opening of the Taueru bridge found themselves in a difficulty. They did not know how to address Mr. Bunny. They knew that the brevet title of "His Honor," assumed by him as Deputy Superintendent, was a sweet savor in his nostrils; but they also knew that the title had passed away. So they hit upon a good long one, which appeared in print, and which was as fine as anything else. t ' And in connection with Mr. Bunny s appearance at the Taueru bridge, a Masterton correspondent writes me two stories. Ihe first is of a remark he heard a gentleman m the crowd make, who said of the late Provincial Secretary—" Well, if he is imable to sustain the dignity, he is at least duly impressed with the importance of his position." The second is that on his arrival at Masterton, a deputation asked permission to wait upon Mr. Bunny, but were told that the enormous pressure of business would riot permit him to receive them. So they sent word that they merely wanted to consult him about who should be sent to ' fill an expected vacancy in the representation of the Wairarapa, and they were received at once. , Was it kind, my Gillon, when you heard that I had been thrown out of a trap and had broken my arm, to say " I wish he had broken his neck!" 3Sow suppose I had, where would then have been the moments of peaceful enjoyment which my poor writings have so frequently afforded you. Not a bad story is told me in connection with the starting of a skating rink in one of our New Zealand cities. A gentleman who suggested the idea to two others received a third share in the concern as the value of his suggestion. For the first week or so the rink paid admirably, and the suggestor took the full privileges of his share in the shape of profits. But subsequently when, week after week, the concern showed a dead loss, the suggestor opined that his partnership only meant a share in the profits aud no liability as regarded losses. I bslieve a hope is entertained that the Hon. Mr. Kichardson may resume his place at the head of the Public Works department after all. This would be gratifying news to everyone, for .his competency was never questioned even by the bitterest opponent of the Government. The recent rise in the price of wool if maintained will render it less necessary for the hon. gentleman to leave public life in order to personally supervise his private business. About the war rumor of Friday. The simple fact is that all the Governors of the colonies were some days ago notified that war Beemed probable; and the notification was not official, but was found in a newspaper tele{Tam, so that the public were as much privileged as the Governors. I am informed that Sir George Grey, diiring one of those greater portions of his life which he has at different times informed us he has devoted to half-a-dozen different objects, hasexplored the pathways of science, and has made a vronderful discovery, which he is now perfecting. It is probable that before next session he will resign hi 3 seat in Parliament, and go Home , to paralyze the scientific world with his inven- . tion. This will not give hira time to appal creation by the details of the Piako. Swamp sale. What causes me to give credence to the above is that during the great talk against time in committee on the Abolition Bill, the Hcssion before last, Sir George Grey told a. friend of mine that he had made a great scientific discovery, that he intended _ to read a paper upon it before the Royal Society of England, that the paper was not prepared, but he had hit upon an ingenious method of preparing it. This was no less than co make a long speech upon it during the debate, which would then appear in Mansard and be at hi 3 service. Ingenious, to say the least of it. That we want a town hall in Wellington is of course beyond doubt. We want a great many other things besides. We want a Town Council with a little sense. We want a number of streets made. We want a system of drainage, and we want the out-diatricts cared for a little more. The only question is, which of our want 3is most urgent? The members of Council, with two exceptions, say the "townhall." lam afraid the ratepayers say " the others."'

At the risk of being overpoweringly original I may make the remark that in respect to every question there is a good deal to be said on both sides. This applies to the_"servantgalism " question. The servants receive all the blame for the plague, which, as a body, they are supposed to have become, but this is scarcely fair. A correspondent writes on behalf of the servant girls, and tells me of an instance which shows that employers are not immaculate. A lady hired a girl for 10s. a week to help in household work, there being four children in the family. The girl found that her mistress's ideas of human endurance were extensive.' The mistress never, as the saying is, " lifted a finger," and the girl was expected to do everything, washing included, for the family of six and a couple of lodgers. When at the end of the week she said she thought she could not stand the work, the lady replied that there was really no knowing where the impudence and laziness of servants would end. I am prepared to believe in the reliability of the Public Works Department with regard to everything but bridges. The collapse of the Brunner bridge shook the faith I had previously entertained even on the subject of bridges, and now a circumstance of which I have heard has destroyed that faith altogether. For I am assured that a contractor who is just now engaged in cutting through a very high hill, finds that according to the plans and specifications which guide him, he is to carry the line on a bridge at about the deepest part of the cutting. He has not yet hit upon the plan by which he is to accomplish this, but being a man of determination he has no doubt of ultimate success.

Themostinnocentcausesarouse wrath. Agentleman, with a horse's laugh and another, animal's brains, applied lately for tickets for an excursion which is projected to Kapiti. He was put off. Being fond of writing, he took characteristic revenge. , But he need not have been angry. The trip will present no attractions for him. The stakes at cards will be limited to shilling points, and the losers will be expected to pay up. Oh, by the wav— Last week an acrostic I promised to write, But now it is not to be thought on, For I find in my gness I was mistaken quite, It was not Piscator, but .

Well, never mind. : A friend of mine in the printing trade, the extent of whose premises is rather limited, wa3 asked by an acquaintance some time ago if he would mind giving a small box space for a few days until the same should be removed. My friend' consented. The small box was like the cuckoo's egg in the other bird's nest. It took up alt the room, and remained there, to the inconvenience of everybody, for several weeks. In the end my friend, as the most delicate mode of hinting his desires, sent a bill to his acquaintance, asking for £2 10s. 6d. for storage of the box. . It was removed the same afternoon. - ; . ' ■ There are some smart men of business amongst us. One of them advertised kerosene retail at a much lower price than the same was fetching wholesale in a rising market. Another man of business immediately presented himself and offered to take the whole stock of kerosene from the first at the advertised price. But the first man said, unfortunately that he had just Bold his last shillingsworth ; however, he offered to dispose of other articles, drugs in the market, on the most reasonable terms. I do not profess.to understand all this, but perhaps some one with more respect for the laws as affecting' debtor and creditor than I entertain will understand it and write me an explanation. ■ i •

Someoneis advertising in the Aucklandpapers for information concerning a certain Edward Lynch.-; The advertiser isdeterinined to find out something about Edward Lynch, because the advertisement offers a reward, "Anyone knowing of his whereabouts if living, or if dead." The field for inquiry is thus, it will bo seen, an extensive one, and it is complimentary to the enterprise and wide circulation of the

Auckland papers to assume, as the advertiser does, that they circulate in a certain " whereabouts" of the dead.

< The following seems to me to involve a nonsequitur. It is from a notice of the engagement of the immigrants by the Howrah. It reads : —" Several applications were made for married couples withoui children, but there were none for engagement, all the men being mechanics." It is only my crass stupidity, of course, which prevents my seeing that, as a consequence of all the rr en berag mechanics, none of the married couples are childless. I remember that Euripides makes Jason tell Medea that he wishes the world were peopled by machinery, so that men might escape the scolding tongues of women, but I have never looked upon this as prophetical or thought it indicated a time when the presence of mechanics insured a due increase of population. A correspondent writing from Southland tells me a story which may be old, but is cer- ! tainly interesting. Two adjoining runs there were afflicted with the rabbit nuisance in hundreds of thousands. The owners advertised for persons to undertake the task of killing the rabbits at so much a poor bunny. A party of gentlemen agreed to do the work on certain terms, and stipulated with one run proprietorto bepaidso much foreverypairof rabbit's ears they brought in to him, and with the other to be paid a similar sum for every rabbit's tail they produced. lam not good at figures, and therefore I do not understand my correspondent when he says that this plan caused payment to be made twice for the death of each rabbit.

The gentleman who wrote me the above also informs me that Dr. Hodgkinson, whose mercurial disposition endeared him to his fellowmembers last session of Parliament, has perfected an invention for the destruction of rabbits as simple as it is remarkable. The ease with which a rabbit's neck can be dislocated is known to everyone. Dr. Hodgkinson proposes to scatter the strongest Scotch snuff among the burrows, and anticipates enormously fatal results from the consequent sneezes. So we have eaters of horseflesh amongst us. An auctioneer advertised last week that he would sell a horse, "a good roaster." It may be safely said that the late Alexander Russell, editor of the Scotsman, had a reputation not second to that of Delane, of The Times, and was in some respects mere widely known. But in an evil moment he wrote a work on salmon. Accordingly Harper's Weekly in New York announced his death as follows :—" Mr. Alexander Russell, author of a well-known work on the salmon, died in July last." And the Americans complain that their prominent men are vmknown in England. Madame Franzini's performances are unquestionably clever, but are not up to those ef the writer who in describing them tells us how she "glides like a swallow amongst closelypacked bottles." I never saw a swallow under the circumstances described, and therefore cannot tell if the simile be correct; but I have no doubt it the writer were permitted to glide amongst closely-packed bottles swallows would not be wanting. I am happy, Mr. Barton, in being able to write something complimentary about you. Being in Court last licensing day, I overhe.ird one of the public say to another, "What's come over Barton? He's courteous to the Bench, civil to the lawyers; and faith, he and the Inspector are as thick as two pickpockets."