THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 4803, 14 August 1876, Page 3

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail.) Quis soit an adjiciant hodieraas crastlna summaa Tempora Di Supcri.—Horace. A parliamentary witticism re separation. On the day after that on which the New Zealand Times had accused Messrs. Stout and Sheehan of stirring up public opinion by means of telegrams, and they had denied having done so, a member met Mr. Macandrew going to the Telegraph office with a sheaf of messages in his hand. " Hallo," said the member, "it is you then, and not Stout and Sheehan who are working the little telegraphic oracle 1" Mr. Macandrew looked dignified as he stopped and said, " I assure you, sir, I have not sent a telegram of a political tendency for a week past, and these messages that I hold in my hand are merely concerning guano." The member answered scoffingly, " Well, you know, that word is synonymous with separation." And yet another parliamentary witticism on the same subject. The constituents of an Otago member telegraphed to him, asking his opinion of Sir George Groy's resolutions. The Otago member telegraphed back, " They are a sham spelled with a d." • When the Hon. Mr. Bowen, after applying several Homerian compound adjectives to Mr. Rees in English, wound up by calling him aiskiitos, Mr. Rees looked as angry as did the fishwoman, when Daniel O'Connell told her that she had a gasteropodous mollusc in her house. The cause of anger was the same in each. Omne ignotum pro magnifico; and they conceived that insult unparalleled which they did not understand. Mr. Rees, I am told, took the first opportunity of rushing to the library and consulting a lexicon, and when he found out the meaning of aiskistos looked quite relieved at finding it nothing worse than gentlemen of his profession frequently apply to each other in court. The Daily Southern Cross occasionally contains paragraphs that to me seem incomprehensible. The last thing of this kind that it tells me is that "Mr. John McLeod has printed a large number of letters and remarks favorable to the nse of stone-lime as a manure in pamphlet form." Not being an agriculturist, I am not prepared to deny but what manure can be applied in pamphlet form more readily than in any other. Still, the thing does seem strange, although it is true that a great number of pamphlets appear that are only useful for manure.

The difficulties under which tho Sunday services of religion are occasionally conducted in the country are sometimes insuperable. At a township well-known to us as Tiverton, let us say, two Sundays ago a small boy started to ring the church bell at 11 o'clock. Having rung it for ten minutes, he got frightened by his solitary position, and ran away. Then the clergyman came and rang the bell for five minutes, which produced a congregation of seven. To them entered presently the clergyman covered with mud and his hat, and commenced service by saying, "No church to-day—lost my horse —lost my horse—can't find it anywhere—sent some one to scour the country for it; but can't be found—been looking myself—havonot had breakfast—don't know what to do—good day, good day," and so the ceremony coded.

I am happy in being able to announce the formation of a small but efficient party in the House.""Messrs. Rees and Stout have resolved] themselves into a mutual admiration society,; and in consequence Mr. Rees will ,take an early opportunity of moving the adjournment of the House, in order that he, maybe in a position to express his opinion that Mr. Stout's speech on the separation resolutions was the ablest he ever heard.

They credit Mr. Seaton with the following:— Mr. Hislop having expressed his strong convictions as to the corruption of the Government, Mr. Seaton rubbed his hands gleefully " and said, " All our side have been giving the Government ' slops.'" And now Hislop has given them his "slop." In view of the Featherston memorial, I have been furnished with a copy of a most interesting inscription, which Mr. E. T. Gillon has prepared for future use. It is intended that it shall be engraved on a polished granite tombstone, which so soon as circumstances permit bhall be erected. It is unnecessary to say that Mr. Gillon is most anxious that circumstances "shall permit" as early as possible. The following is the inscription :

SACKED TO TnE MEMORY OF THE INTELLIGENT TAOJASI. This monument was erected by me, E. T. Gillon, whom ho frequently benefited, and I may say of the departed that he was my true friend. By his pleasant allusions to myqualifications for political life lie effectually settled my prospects therein on a sure and firm basis. As a friend he has never hesitated to give me his opinion of myself in the plainest terms. I owe him twonty-one drinks, but all debto are paid where he has gone to.

" A Poor Player" writes me a letter which though not of absorbing interest in fcfie present atmosphere of political excitement, is really, from his standpoint, deserving of very serious consideration. My correspondent says he has attended the sittings of Parliament whenever his professional duties have permitted. And he remarks that he was not only pained at the evident inability of one or two of the " performers" (by performers, it is to be presumed he means members) to act the characters their constituents have cast them for, namely, those of sensible men; but it has given him intense grief to notice the complete contempt in which a certain worthy gentleman, the late Mr. William Shakspere, is continually held. Thus, he says he heard Mr. Tole allege that that gentleman had written " look upon this picture and on that," and again Mr. Sheehan quoted the Bame respected gentleman as having written " a consolation devoutly to be wished." " A Poor Player" says in reference to this that he has no objection to the gentlemen impersonating the dramatis personcs in the somewhat dreary drama now on the boards in the House of Representatives insulting English language as may seem best to them, but he does object to a " utility man" like Mr. Tole, and a " second light comedian" like Mr. Sheehan being permitted to offer such gratuitous insults to Mr. Shakspere as would not be permitted in a third-rate theatre.