MR. PETERS’S TOOTH.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 4802, 12 August 1876, Page 1 (Supplement)

MR. PETERS’S TOOTH.

Mr. Peters, who lives in a suburban village, had the toothache some time ago, and he suffered so much that he resolved tp, have the troublesome tooth out. He had heard that a tooth could be removed suddenly without much pain by tying a string around it, fixing the string to a,j bullet, and firing the bullet from a gun. , So he got some string and fastened it to the tooth, and to a ball, rammed the latter into his gun, and aimed the gun out of the window. Then be began to feel nervous about it, and he cocked and uncooked the gun about twenty times, as his mind changed in regard to the operation. 'The last time the gun was cooked ,he resolved not to take the tooth out that way, and he began to let the hammer down preparatory to cutting the string. Just then the hammer slipped, and the next minute Mr. Peter’s tooth was flying through the air at the rate of fifty miles a minute, and he was rolling over on the floor howling and spitting blood. After Mrs. Peters had picked him up and given him water with which to wash out his mouth, he went down to the front window. While he was sitting there thinking that may be it was all for the best,. he saw some men coming by carrying a body on a shutter. He asked what was the matter, and Aleck Jones told him that Bill Dingus had been murdered by somebody. Mr. Peters thought he would put on his hat and go down to the coroner’s office and see what the tragedy was. When he got there Mr. Dingus had revived somewhat, and he told the story to the coroner. He was trimming a tree in Develiu’s garden, when he suddenly heard the explosion of a gun, and the next minute a bullet struck him iu the thigh, and he fell to the ground. He said he couldn’t imagine who did it. Then the doctor examined the wound and found a string hanging from it, and a large bullet suspended upon the string. When he pulled the string it would 1 not “give” any, and he said it must be tied to some other missile still in the flesh. He said it was the most extraordinary case on record ; the medical books reported nothing of the kind.

Then the doctor gave Mr. Dingus chloroform, and proceeded to out into him with a knife to find the other end of that string, and, while he was at work, Mr. Peters began to feel sick at his stomach, and to experience a desire to go home. At last the doctor cut deep enough, and giving the string a jerk, out came a molar tooth that looked as if it might have been aching. Then the doctor said the case was more extraordinary than he had thought it was. He said that tooth couldn’t have been fired from a gun, because it would have broken to pieces ; it couldn't have been swallowed by Dingus, and then broken through and buried in his thigh, for then how could the string and ball be accounted for ? “The occurrence is totally unaccountable upon any reasonable theory,” said the doctor, “ and I do not know what to believe, unless we are to conceive that the tooth and the ball were really meteoric stones that have assumed these remarkable shapes, and been shot down upon the earth with such force as to penetrate Mr. Dingus’s leg, and this is so very improbable that wo can hardly accept it unless it is impossible to find the other. Hallo ! What’s

the matter with you, Peters? Your mouth and shirt are all stained with blood ? ”

“ Oh, nothing,” said’Peters, forgetting himself. “ I just lost a tooth, and ” “ You lost a—who pulled it ?” asked the doctor.

“ Gentlemen,” said Peters, “ the fact is, I shot it out with my guu.” Then they put Peters under bail for attempted assassination, and Dingus said that as soon as he got well he would bang Peters with a club. When the crowd had gone the coroner said to Peters ;

“You’re a mean, chuckle-headed sort of a man, now, ain’t you ?”

“Well, Mr. Maginn,” replied Peters,” I really didn’t know Mr. Dingus was there, and the gun went off accidentally, anyway.” “Oh ! it isn’t that,” said the coroner; “it isn't that, I don’t mind your shooting him ; but why in thunder didn’t you kill him while you were at it, and give me a chance ? You want to see me starve, don’t you 1 I wish you’d a buried the tooth in his lung and the ball in his liver, and then I’d a had my regular fees. But as it is I have all the bother and get nothing. You hav’nt got the generosity of a pig ! I’d starve to death if all men were like you.”

Then Peters went home. After this, when he has the toothache, he will hunt up a regular dentist.