THE MAP FIEND.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 4802, 12 August 1876, Page 2 (Supplement)

THE MAP FIEND.

(From the Danbury Newsnmn). He was a short, stumpy, dark-complexioned Dutchman. He was cross-eyed and wore spectacles. He carried a map under his arm, and he sauntered into Pitldns’ sanctum sanctorum as unconcernedly as you please. Pitkins was busily engaged in scanning his “ profit and loss account,” and did not notice the intrusion until the Dutchman said, “ Goot mornin’.”

“ Good momin’,” replied Pitkins without looking up from his ledger. “ Vine day.” “Yea,” gruffly responded Mr. Pitkins, his eyea still intently fixed upon his book. “ Vas you der man vat sade you wanded to buy a mab 1” an inquiry which caused Mr. Pitkins to look up, and, with the air of a man who wanted to be let alone, say—- “ No, I was not.” “ Oh, yes, id musd be you; he god a red nose shust like yon.” “ "What do you mean, sir, by calling my nose red,” angrily demanded Pitkins. “ Oh, dond god made. I only dought may be you forged about id.” “ Well, I don’t want to buy a map, and so go out of my office.” “ Shtop a minid, blease ; id vas a man loog shust like you, und he dole me to gome in Tuestay und he would buy a mab.” “Well, I’m not the man, so go on about your business.” “Von minid, let me show you der mab. Id vas der besd mab vat vas efer brinded; ids god all of der shtades und all of der cid ” ' “ I tell you I don’t want your map ! Will you leave my off ” “ Sh, mine friend; dond god oxsided mit yourself; I vill go oud if you wand me du, bud dis vas a bully mab, id’s god all of der shtades und all of der cidys, und id vas brinded in sefeu dis’rend golors, und I sell him for one dollar und sefenty-five cen ” “ I wouldn’t give you fifty cents, for the map. I tell you I don't wan” “Vait till you hear de advantages of dis mab ; id’s god a red-shtring to hang him up by, and he vas brinded in sefen dif’rend golors, und he cosd me two dollars. I gave him to you for a dollar un a gowertev, an ” “ How many times do you want me to tell you that I don’t want your ma " “Loog, you hang him ub dis vay, and ven you wand a shtade here you vas, und if you wand a city you dum him of er dis vay und dere you god him, see ? ITnd I give der mab avay for one dollar, und I go off der beezness. Id vas no use dryin’ du ged a liv ” “No, sir, wouldn’t have your map if you was to give it to me. I want you to g” “Vy dond you loog at him vohsd? He vas a bully mab, und I only god von leftd, und I chuck him do you for sefenty-five cen”

“ Look here ! if you -were going to be hung and I could save your life by giving you seventy-five cents for that map, I wouldn’t do it. I’d see your neck stretched first.” “Hake him along for fifty and I go out vesd, it vas hard vork to ged alon”—— « Here ! if you’ll promise to leave my office, and never come into it again, I’ll give you twenty-five cents for your map, an” “Hake id ; id vas der load von I haf, und I give ub der beezness.” “Here’s your qnarte.r; lay the map down there and get out lively, and if you ever show your face in my office again 111 shoot you, and a look of desperation appeared on Mr. Pitkins’ The Dutchman laid the map down, took the quarter, said, “ Goot day !” (to which there was no response), and slowly shuffled out, walked down stairs and stood for a moment, seemingly lost in thought, when suddenly his eyes flashed, and calling a boy that was standing on the street he took him by the arm, and pointing to Pitkins’ sign on the directoryboard, he said : „ , , “ Hero vash anodor man I shtuck, and he went into a beer saloon on the corner to “ liquidate.”

“ You are a brilliant and versatile bouquet of loveliness.'' said ho with a voice that was low and solt, and in return she warbled “ Dry up, George; you ye said enough,"