LONDON TOWN TALK.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 4780, 18 July 1876, Page 3

LONDON TOWN TALK.

(From the correspondent of the Melbourne Argus.)

The best thing that has yet been said about the "Empress" Proclamation Bill I heard at a mess-table the other day, a place where wit of the political sort is not common—" Oh it's all right about the Queen being made Empress; everybody does take brevet rank, you know, upon retirement." By the bye, you must permit me to remind you that I did express to you my opinion—contrary though it was to that of society at large—that Dizzy, and only Dizzy, was answerable for placing this gewgaw among the Crown jewels. I said that the idea struck me as being consonant with the taste for pinchbeck splendor exhibited by the author of Lothair, and now he has owned that "alone he did it." Please to notice, too, in Punch last week, the joke about the butler. " Won't you say often sober!" That I sent you three months ago. This is serious, because Punch has hitherto been not more than six weeks behind time in publishing the latest current facetiae. The very bestjoke,though spoilt a little by its being in the antiquated form of a riddle, that has been lately heard in London, is connected with woman's rights, and, let us hope, will solace the advocates of that Bill for the defection of John Bright—" Why should not a woman be a chemist!" Why, indeed, when, if not an Anne Eliza, she must needs be a Charlotte Anne.

The Prince of Wales has gained golden opinions for refusing to attend a bull-fight in Spain. It was feared, from what had happened in India, that he might have been persuaded to do so; but he has judged, and judged rightly in my opinion, that the shows of an Indian prince are not to be classed in the same category with the cruel sport which is the disgrace of Spain. It is a curious proof of the huge sums won and lost on our own national amusement, the turf, that the jockey who rode Petrarch, the winner of the Two Thousand, received by post an anonymous gift of five hundred-pound notes. Unless the percentage was extraordinarily high, what a sum of money must have been " netted" on the event to suggest such gratitude on the part of the donor ! My own experience is that betting men, whatever their faults, are generally liberal, and that if any of our charitable institutions would place a money-box with a slit for the charitable at Newmarket and Epsom, they would reap great advantage. Winners would give out of thankfulness for Buccesa, and would-be winners would also give in hopes of propitiating fortune. I know a northern trainer who always goes to church on the eve of the St. Leger. The largest price bidden for a picture at Christie and Manson's, our great art auctioneers, was given on Saturday last by Mr. Agnew, the dealer, to whom, after a long competition, watched and applauded by half the connoisseurs in London, Gainsborough's " Duchess of Devonshire" was knocked down for 10,100 guineas. This was one of the collection of the late Wynn Ellis, who purchased it of a Mrs. Magennis for £65. It is cracked all over the face and hands, a circumstance which I have no doubt rather enhanced its value—or at least its price—than otherwise. Mrs. Magennis, it is proved, gave but £SO for it, but it is not certain if she bought it at firsthand. What the poor artist himself received forit.is consequently not known, something so small, I suppose, that it was not worth mentioning. This is an idea that to me does not make the fact of these huge sums being given for dead men's paintings a subject of such unalloyed congratulation as it seems to afford to some people. It also withdraws a great deal of money from the capital to be invested in modern art, for whoever eventually pays for such a purchase, we may take it for granted that it will not be the dealer whose seeming munificence we applaud. The sea-serpent has been seen again, and never have the details of his appearance been worked up in a more striking fashion. " It raised itself up 40ft. out of the water, and with a frightful bellow" (now most snakes, with the trifling exception of the rattlesnake, are dumb) " struck the mainmast of the P. and O. steamer Hydaspes with its tangled head so that it shook the vessel." The writer describes the whole ship's company and all the passengers as having witnessed this, except the captain, who remained below, obstinately bent upon not seeing it. Punch took up ono captain for seeing a sea-serpent, and that captain never got over it, so remember I didn't see this ono. There is every detail that can be desired in this agreeable narrative. But there are two drawbacks, to my mind, to its pretensions to truth—first, the narrator is a missionary; and, secondly, the Daily Telegraph believes the story. When the |Hydaspes reaches Southampton we shall know more about it. - In the meantime, it appears to me— that is, not the animal, which has never appeared to me, but the circumstance to be a "whopper." On Saturday, May 7, there wan a, meeting at Bushy-park that was really astonishing—no less than 500 bicyclists came on their twowheeled steeds to "witch the world" with hobby " horsemanship." Some of them cams from. Portamouth (68 miles) that very mprp-

ing, which very i few real horses could have done, without a mouthful of corn, or a drop of water. Most of this great gathering was, however, from the metropolitan counties, and a very creditable one it was. The pace at which they all took their three miles' "spin" was something marvellous, and as their indiarubber tires made the .machines noiseless, it was literally "a moving spectacle." One could not help thinking that some military use might be made of such an invention. One has heard of horses Bhod with felt; but here were mounted men going swifter than cavalry, and without the ghost of a sound. . Why should not our gallant volunteers start a bicycle battalion ! The recruits, however, must be taught young, for —the Eight Hon. Robert Lowe excepted—l never saw a good bicylist over fifty years of age. The debate in " the House" respecting barristers being compelled to perform their duties when they have been prepaid for them—i.e., to take no brief to which they have no time to attend—has resulted in nothing, the "wig" element being very strong in Parliament, though the Liberal party is so weak. But it is to be remarked that the only two solicitors who spoke on the matter were in favor of the motion, and did not conceal the views they entertained of the greediness and want of principle of the gentlemen of the long robe. The mistake of being too fashionable has led me into an error, but please to understand that it is not my own devotion to fashion that is to blame. It is the fault of Lord Howard deWalden. I told you —what everybody told me—that he was going to be married to Miss Kate Dickenson, and I even knew a man who had heard Vice-chancellor Malins give his permission to the young lady, as a ward of chancery, to become his lordship's bride. This gentleman was wrong as to the name ; the world at large was wrong as to the fact. But the curious part Of the affair is that long after I had written you of the engagement, the marriage itself was announced as having taken place at the usual church in Hanoversquare, in the Pall Mall Gazette, and copied from thence into The Times. . It now appears that Lord de Walden himself contradicted, weeks ago, the report of his engagement in the columns of the Morning Post, a paper which, unfortunately, nobody but Lord _de Walden and other exalted personages of his class ever read. If you want " the greatest circulation" you must go to the proper place for it. It is clear his lordship did want it, Bince his man of business has now written to The Times for him to say he is married to quite another young lady, and therefore his proceeding as he did is only another proof of the exclusiveness and eccentricity of his noble race. In his brother's (the Duke of Portland) cellar were, I believe, recently found 8000 dozen of champagne, quite black from age, and madeira 90 years old, quite " gone ;" all because he will have his own way and not be interfered with. The mistake about the marriage is doubtless extremely painful to Miss Dickenson, because it revives a disagreeable incident in the public mind ; but in the interests of the oommunity at large it is scarcely to be regretted, since it will certainly cause ex-Colonel Valentine Baker to remain in prison his full term, and very great influence has been used just now to get him out. His friends have written to the papers to say that confinement is doing him harm, and why should not bygones be bygones, &c,; and now he will have to remain in gaol till the London season is over. I have no doubt, if he wished it, that the ex-colonel might make a large' sum by appearing on the stage, for the rage for morbid sensation is greater than ever. The bloodhound that discovered the Blackburn murder is'just now the most valuable arrival in the market, and would put the trunk out of joint of the baby elephant itself which the Prince of Wales has brought home with him, and the proprietor of a London music hall bid £SOO for the dog, and when that was refused, £4OO for the lease of him for a fortnight. Of course this is a very vulgar exemplification of the appetite for excitement, but the arguments about " sensation" generally as stated in the Saturday Review and other "kid glove" periodicals are ridiculous. Thoy eay the taste for sensation is " dying out." The fact is precisely the other way ; but if it were not, if there were a temporary lull in such matters, the attraction of melodramatic incidents that occur in real life will always be overwhelming.