THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXI, Issue 4766, 1 July 1876, Page 3

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail.) Quis scifc an adjiciant hodiernce crastina suinmie Tempera 1)1 Super!.— Horace. There is a gentleman at present under mild restraint in the Wellington Lunatic Asylum who thinks he has no qualifications for being where he is. He is accordingly petitioning the Legislature on the subject, and alleges that he is no more a lunatic than Sir George Grey. That ought to be satisfactory. _ In answer to a correspondent signing himself “Holy Poker,” I may state that I am not a Freemason, but nevertheless I am sure that Masonic ceremonies do not involve any cruelty, because I have more than once of a morning examined the room in which a lodge had been held overnight, and the fireivons were always quite bright. My correspondent puts another question, which I do not feel myself called upon to answer. It is no concern of mine if Mr. Gillon were not present at the installation of Sir Donald McLean or the banquet subsequent thereto. Perhaps he did not choose to ask for a ticket. As to the answer he would have got had he asked, well, you know, that is really a matter of most unnecessary conjecture. But without travelling out of my province, I may be permitted to mention what I consider was a grave breach of decorum at the aforesaid banquet. I have before me a copy of the Bill of Fare, and in it I find an item which, when translated, I understand to read, “ Provincial Lame Ducks.” Surely there were no barley-sugar effigies of the leaders of the provincial party ? Politics I always thought were excluded from Masonic gatherings. There is a little word of four letters used to distinguish a person who does not tell the truth. It is in some respects a dangerous word to use, as not infrequently it is followed by the knocking down of the user. At least, I learn from a gentleman who last session used it somewhere, that it was followed by the above disagreeable consequences. But it maybe often used with impunity. The gentleman before mentioned says that it has been applied to him more than once, but that he is above noticing such trifles. There has been a newspaper quarrel, I notice, in which some warm language has been used. As the subject was a printed correspondence, the matter ought to have been easy of adjustment. But I am bound to say that the difficulty was caused by the propensity of one paper to calmly quote all the accusations made against the Premier without quoting the printed evidence which disproved them. This system gives infinite ease to writers, because it gets rid of all superfluous matter that might embarrass a statement. But is there not in it a sacrifice of justice for the sake of ease ? Two papers now exist iu Masterton, and the usual results attend their existence. One announced that its success was so great as - to induce its proprietor to buy a doubly deray press. The other immediately remarked, with polished irony, that what its rival wanted was not a double demy press, but a doubly demy head for its editor, who as yet had one the size of which there was no printer's term sufficiently diminutive to describe. If Mr. Valentine had been a certain friend of mine he would not have fallen so easily into the snare set for him by Mr. Delahunty. My friend was recently granted a license for a new hotel in a small township. The granting of the license had been unsuccessfully opposed, and some of the opposers thought to trap the landlord into a breach of the law by inducing him to sell liquors before the Ist July.. So on the 30th June they procured certain thirsty souls, and having provided them with sixpences, sent them to the hotel, which the landlord was busily stocking and fitting up, and made no doubt but that he would be eager to commence business, and would not hesitate to serve them, even though the legal day had not arrived. Even should he refuse, one object would be gained—he would make himself unpopular with the topers. But the landlord was a man of resources, and prevented both catastrophes. He served the drinks in all instances, but refused payment, stating that each drink was a loan which could be easily repaid the next day. ■ I have before me a copy of the New Zealand Liberator, which is devoted, amongst other things, to religion. It shows its appreciation of its title by the freedom with which it calls names by terming the hotel business an “ iniquitous traffic,” and its religion is exhibited by its treatment of the Rev. Mr. Fitchett, a Wesleyan minister, who, because he dared to preach what he considered the truth, is told that his words are near akin to Popery and very like heresy. Someone has said somewhere something to the. effect that a great many wrongs are committed in the narae_ of freedom. Not the least of these wrongs arises from the literary license that at times is mistaken for freedom of discussion. .The fire provided in the reading-room of the Athenieum is of itself of so feeble a nature in general as merely to suggest the existence of fire, but not accompany the suggestion by any feeling of warmth. Under these circumstances the thanks of all frequenters of the reading-room are due and owing to young Mr. De Snooks, who regularly draws his chair in front of the fireplace, and having placed both feet against the mantelpiece, kindly prevents any person being, annoyed by contemplating the worthlessness of the conflagration in front of him. The following lines were found written on a scran of paper picked up in the Government buildings on Friday;— Wliat Is the devil like? What is his hue ? Ho is painted as red, as black, and as blue. But they who know best most decidedly say, That the devil's worst color is nothing but Grey. Last session there was at least one gentleman in the House of Representatives to whom by common consent a nickname was assigned. T. L. Shepherd and “The Smiler” were convertible terms. It was feared that the present session would see tbo House of Representatives in the unpleasant position of having no member who might be distinguished by some playful appellation other than that bestowed upbn him by his family and his godfathers and godmothers. But I am happy in being in a position to announce that everything is right m this respect. An Auckland representative has kindly informed me that there the hon. member for Eden is popularly known as “ Sally in our Alley.” . Mr. Swansdown, of the Evening Nuisance, was met on Tuesday evening by an excited gentleman, who asked him if he had heard that Jack Paddywhack, of the Harp of Erin Hotel, had just committed suicide by cutting bis throat with a razor. Swansdown said he had not heard of it, and he and the excited gentleman started off straight for the Harp of Brin Hotel, the excited gentleman descnbmg by voice and gesture, as they went along, the exact manner in which Paddywhack had effected his decease. Shortly before getting to tho hotel, a personal friend of Swandown’s stopped them, and, much to his wrath, insisted on asking him

where he was going in such a hurry. “ Hush!’ said Swansdown, “ that man there ” (pointing to the exciteable gentleman who was waiting with ill-concealed impatience) “has told me a splendid bit of news—Jack Paddywhack ’ has cut his throat. We’ll be getting an extra out man.” His friend replied : “Do you know who that man is ? He’s a chap who has been on the spree for some days, and has now got delirium tremens, and is quite mad. Tho police are looking for him.” Swansdown is not a man of large personal courage, so he simply turned and fled. Ido not see much that is funny or interesting about the above. It is merely a narrative of what actually occurred.