THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 4577, 20 November 1875, Page 2 (Supplement)

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

. (From the New Zealand Mail.) Quis scit an adjiciant hodlerme crastina summas Tempora Di Superb— Horace. The Government are going to out the ground f rom under Sir George Grey’s feet as an Opposition leader next Parliament. Sir George wound up his denunciations last session by a wholesale condemnation of the useless and expensive Civil Service, and has since inveighed against the same, asserting that In this direction he could, by proper economy, if in power, save the country £150,000 a-year. Well, the Government have evidently taken to thought what Sir George Grey said, because they have instituted quite enormous reductions in the cost of the Civil Service. Hitherto the draughtsmen in the Public Works Office have been allowed scented soap, with which to wash their hands ; but lately a minute has been published restricting them, on the ground of expense, to common yellow-colonial. And writing of the Civil Service, I am empted to ask why some of the members of that beautiful body endeavor so much to assume what Mr. Willet, senior, called “ A milingtary air; a swaggering biling water drinking sort of a way.’ ’ It is evident that more than one of them might, with as much justice as the Grand Duchess, sing “I doat upon the Military,” because the efforts they make to copy the style of such military fashion as a merciful Providence, and “the service, has vouchsafed us are painful. Why, it was only last week that I saw De Robinson, of the Public Scandals department, with braid down the side of his trousers, making an agonising effort' to persuade those who knew him not that he was an officer in undress uniform. Gazing on him, I was tempted to quote Shakspere from memory, and to say “ Seest thou what a deformed ape this present fashion is?”

We have had some sermons this week, not upon the text “put not your trust in princes,” but upon the text “ put not your money into newspapers.” These have tempted me to recuscitate that old story of Satan and the gentleman who desired to invest in newspaper property. The gentleman had disposed of his soul to Satan, on condition that he was to be set np in any business he might choose, as often as the last one he had adopted might fail. Tor a long time, Satan kept to his part of the bargain with a fidelity worthy of praise. The gentleman started taking railway contracts from Government, failed, and was set np again in a glue factory. That failed, and he went in for dressing New Zealand flax. That failed, and he started a co-operative bakery and co-opera-tive butchery. Both of these failed, and he cast about for a new chance. Some one wanted him to take shares in the Titanic Steel Company, but he would not. So he determined to go in for a newspaper, and went and told Satan. Satan replied, “Just tell me how much you will take, money down, and I’ll pay it and cry off the bargain.” There are continual paragraphs in the papers lauding the excellent results to be obtained by liberal advertising. A correspondent from San Francisco has just written to me on this subject. He went over there from Auckland a couple of years ago, and started as a commission agent. He advertised in the New Zealand papers, and waited for the large orders that be was certain would follow’. He received but one commission, and it was as follows ;—Dunedin, Dec. 10, 1874.-—Sir, —l am anxious to procure a situation in San Francisco as a hairdresser and wig maker. Should you procure me one with passage paid. I’ll remunerate you by weekly instalments until your charge is paid.—Yours, &c., . Yet another result of advertising is before me. A gentleman had run a race with the constable in the old country, and had come off second best. . Out of the wreck he saved £6OO, and, with this, emigrated to New Zealand, arriving in Wellington last month. He at once advertised for a partner of colonial experience willing to take him and his capital into some business involving an active out-of-door country life. He had one application. It was from a gentleman who proposed to start a hen farm at Evans’ Bay. More of our servant girls. A lady who had been suffering in patience for months a succession of maids, each more useless than her predecessor, got one fresh off the last immigrant ship, .content though she knew absolutely nothing of household work, to go through the trouble of teaching her, and receive a reward in the shape of a girl that had not yet been acclimatised into thinking herself rather better than her mistress. Sarah Jane got along capitally until yesterday, when she asked her mistress how it was intended to divide the approaching holidays.- For herself, she said she was not particular so long as it was understood that Christmas and New Year’s Days were to be in her.sharo.

I am glad to see that Mr. Brissenden has not permitted his talents to remain without employment. By a notice in a Thames paper I learn that he has adopted a far more respectable occupation than that of Native Lands Purchase Commissioner. An advertisement in the Thames Advertiser intimates that Pisher and Brissenden have commenced business as general smiths and horseshoers, and hope by steady attention to business to receive a share of the public patronage so liberally accorded to their predecessor. That is all very well, but I do not think that the gentle-, man'who succeeds Mr. Brissenden in Government employ will be anxious to get quite as much public patronage as was bestowed upon his predecessor, who had rather more of the public than he oared about. I really do not care to say. anything about funerals, because the subject is not naturally of a mirthful character, and besides, the last time I touched upon it in connection with the Rodney-1 got into hot water. But I cannot avoid saying that buryings are not always done as decently as they might be. I am informed that the body of Peter Classon (who tried to swim ashore from the Herschel, but reached a shore beyond the unknown sea) was taken to the cemetery at 11 a.m. on Wednesday, and left in an open grave until four o’clock in the afternoon, no provision having been made to secure the services of a clergyman; at the latter hour, the Rev. Mr. Dewsbury, who had come to officiate at another funeral, kindly spoke and read the words which are considered necessary to what is known as Christian burial.

Newcomers are not always impressed favorably by tlie .appearance of colonists. In a southern town quite recently, a gentleman of diminutive size, and suffering from what is called, in a horse, being wall-eyed, advertised for a'bopkkeeper. An immigrant, just lauded, applied and said, /'Are you the man that wants a bookkeeper.” The advertiser said he was. “ Heavens,” said the applicant, “ have I come bo many thousand miles to serve a little equinty-eyed fellow like this ! I couldn’t do it.” And he went away. It is flattering to be assured by the Wairarapa Standard that I write all the original matter in the Times, although as my countrymen would say, “that same ian’tmuch.” That is exactly what I have been trying for a long time to persuade the editor, sub-editor, and reporters to let me do; but somehow they will not. They will insist on confining me to this column, for they say that i£ I were to go outside it, * I would only write leaders and things fitted for the Wairarapct Standard, and these they would not have at any price. This is insulting alike to me and that dear literary old woman at Grey town. I would not stand it if I were in her place. Nothing but motives of personal interest make me put up with if; on my own account.