THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 4553, 23 October 1875, Page 3

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the K’ew Zealand jNXail.) Quis scit an adjiciant hociiernre crastina summte Tempera Pi Superi. —Horace. In view of the spelling bee form of lunacy, which is likely to prevail here for a tune, lam anxious to give publicity to a genuine document which, for originality and spelling, deserves commendation. IJj e aocu mention specification for the construct on of a small boat to be used for getting oflf to the steam launch, the Kustom hous°steam Launch. Leanth overoll ISket wftiT 1 \ e^^koOTy^timbm'ed^wrth 6 blu^^un T PCT SesT] stam and^tarn—the saad boat to be buelt in a pouml per foot staru band starn baud Euder Erases not included. (Sigd) I have a second specimen of spelling, accompanied by the use of language so candid as to require printing, in imagination, by means of lines. This last specimen is a letter from a gentleman who went up country recently, and is useful as containing his unbiassed impressions of our resources. It says : —“ Eimataka Sir —i told you that I would let you now whare i would drop down well i ham hear and it is the est hole that i have ben in for sum time i will stop the munth oute and that null do me, heare if this is carpentering on the Kailway to—with it but i will tell you when i sea you i hope Mr. J -n will send for me sune you will sea me next munth well Sir now more at Present from your servent ————. There are a couple of Legislative anecdotes in conclusion of the session whichmay.be con-, sidered interesting. Mr. Swanson' having occasion to speak in committee after the doors had been locked and a division impending, found himself unable to comply with the rule compelling members to speak sitting and covered. He had no hat handy, so Sir Cracroft Wilson lent him one, and thus helped him through. He restored the hat subsequently to Sir Cracroft, who asked Mr. Swanson what he was going to pay for the loan of it. Mir. Swanson, whose candour is not his least prominent characteristic, said, “ Pay ye for it, indeed ! what are ye going to pay me for having made your hat and common sense neighbors for once ?” The other anecdote is as complimentary to the wit of members as that just gone before. During the passing of the Estimates through committee : a little discussion arose about the sum set down for Mr. Colenso’s Maori Dictionary. Hon. members said the sum was becoming an annual charge, without any prospect of the completion of the work. They wanted to know how much the country owed Mr. Colenso in prospective for the work waiting his time, for its accomplishment. “What letters has the Dictionary reached 2” said one member. “1.0.TJ.” said another. I have heard worse things said in more ' powerful parliaments. _ The people have not sufficient respect for members. A u M.H.K., who has controlled the destinies of the colony from a seat in the ■Cabinet, went into a haircutter’s shop this week,to have his hair cut. The hairdresser had been out for a walk, and came in immediately upon the heels of the member. The hairdresser proceeded to take off his coat and get ready for work with a gentlemanly leisure befitting bis genteel profession. The member grew impatient and said, “ IVill yon tell me where there is another barber’s shop that I may go there ?” The hairdresser grew angry, and said, “ Yon maygo to," mentioning the locality to which the statue takes Don Giovanni in the opera. The hairdresser added further, “I suppose you thinks you ir vns .the street and shop?” It is said that tie member has not looked so disgusted as he did the time an unexpected vote of want of confidence was carried against him. A contributor to the Taranaki Budget says he cannot fancy my turning a grindstone or drumming away at a 161 b. sledge for 10s. a day. He considers the idea preposterous. He would not consider it so preposterous if he knew me. It would be a breach of confidence if I were to mention the exact remuneration I receive for •these articles, but there can be-no-harm in saving that it does not amount to 10s. a day. And yet I turn a weekly revolving grindstone, at which more noses than need be mentioned have been polished. And as for drumming away at a 161 b. sledge, why, do I not drum away at far more solid and ponderous substances than-sledge hammers ? I am sure that there has been one particular head (to specify which would be personal) at which I have been drumming, metaphorically as it were, for a long time. I hope, ! believe, that my labor has not been altogether in vain ; but I am certain it has been superhuman. If my kindly and agreeable work has produced any effect, and some people say it has, I may . feel. that I have not lived altogether for nothing, but I can equally be certain that the approbation of a generous community, expressed in the form of anintenninable annuity, could not repay the severity of my labors. So do not let me hear any more about 161 b. sledges. Knocking decent feeling into a head with a moral wedge and maul beats using a 161 b. sledge any day. Need I say that I have no sympathy with people who assault newspaper editors. Could I be sure that assaults would stop short at editors, I might not be disinclined to countenance the practice under fitting regulations, as throwing upon editors the proper responsibility, for undertaking which they are paid. But lam certain that this could not be assured, and that if the practice were once permitted, offended individuals would not confine themselves to editors, but would descend to the subordinate writers, and then my personal comfort and the liberty of the Press would vanish for ever. Wherefore I hope that Mr. Shrimski, of Oamaru, will get it hot. Eor these assaults are most unpleasant things. In a goldfields newspaper I once wrote what I knew was a completely imaginative paragraph, and what T was pleased to think was a highly facetious one, about a Mr. John Smith, a miner, having discovered a relative alive at the bottom of an old shaft. I mentioned incidentally that the relative was an old gander. The morning that paragraph was published I left the newspaper office quite satisfied with my literay abilities. I had not gone three paces when a gentleman in moleskins, a singlet, and pipeclay, ran up to me, put a fist as big as a leg of mutton so close to my nose, that I felt the wind of it, and asked me “ if I saw that.” Nothing but incomparable presence of mind saved me. I said, “ Yes, ; don’t you think it would be the better of a wash?” This staggered the owner of the fist, who was not accustomed to such remarks when a battle seemed imminent. He took down his arm, entered into explanations, and was easily appeased. I proved to him that though his name was John Smith I had not pointed to him in my paragraph about John Smith and the old gander. I got off safely, but received a fright that has prevented me from writing imaginative paragraphs ever since. I now confine myself strictly to facts, this narrative being a proof that I do so.