THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 4536, 4 October 1875, Page 2

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail). Quis scit an adjiciant hodiernae crastina summse Tempera Di Superb—Hokace. Sir Dillon Bell, as is well known, maintains not only his own dignity but that of every other honorable member. To do this costs him some trouble. For instance, certain pigeon-holes are provided in a room near the Kepresentatives’ Chamber, in which are deposited at intervals parliamentary papers and documents for the use of members. In order to prevent contamination of these sacred recesses, Sir Dillon gave orders that nothing was to be deposited in them except the documents of which they are the proper receptacles. He did this because such trifles as meerschaum pipes, bits of sandwiches, hair combs, and the like, had been found in them. The saga* city of the Hon. the Speaker was attested this week. A gentleman presented himself to one of the messengers, and requested to be shown the pigeon-hole belonging to a member whom I shall call, for purposes of identification, Mr. O’Flaherty. He was asked what he wanted to do with the pigeon-hole, and he said, “ I’ve got a new pair of trousers for Mr. O’Flaherty, and he told me to leave them here.” He was a tailor’s assistant. Sir Dillon Bell has not yet been made acquainted with this fact. No one knew what the effect of the shock might have been. Major Atkinson has made a vow that he will never be polite again. In committee on the Abolition Bill he gave way, in the midst of a speech, to Mr. J. E. Brown, who wished to make a personal explanation. Mr. J. E. Brown got through his personal explanation in the space of a flash of lightning, and then started a dissertation on the internal affairs of Patagonia. Major Atkinson rose til protest against his kindness in giving way for a moment being thus taken advantage of, but the Chairman ruled that when a member sits down in committee, he must patiently wait his turn to rise and be heard again. Major Atkinson said solemnly, “ Then I will never give way out of politeness again.” Jupiter sometimes nods, and funny things happen even in the Upper House. The chief messenger there on Thursday was sooth e*d by the speaking into slumber. No one troubled about this, as sleepiness is the normal condition of the assembly. But unfortunately the chief messenger, like Pharoah's chief butler, dreamed a dream, and in it thought that a division was called for ; so, waking up with a start that attracted attention, he seized the gong, and rushing into the lobbies, beat it violently. The usual serenity of senators was so upset that even the head of the assemblage was put out, and gave orders for the recall of the chief messenger in an undignified manner. He is reported to have said, “ Bring that fool back.” “Enoch,” (I do not mean the orig'nal character) is too much for me. As I related some weeks ago, the first time I tried to interchange sarcasm with him I got the worst of it, and now he gets the better of me again for telling how he got the better of me before. He says :—“The New Zealand Times. — About those boots. An Intelligent Vagrant is perhaps not so hard up now as he used to be when in this poor province of Auckland. If he will be so kind as to send us twelve and sixpence in stamps, the amount shall be applied towards the expenses of our periodical. The conscience of “Intelligent Vagrant” will then be at rest upon one little matter at any rate. Really his nonchalance is astounding ! . Suum caique is a motto it would well become him and all others to observe, when they have ability.” After this, it became evident to me that Enoch should get 12s. fid. Housed as I am in an old boiler, and depending for my subsistence upon charity in the shape of an odd mutton pie, the difficulty of my pecuniary position seemed insuperable. Great minds, however, rise with the occasion, and mine rose. I have sent Enoch my promise to pay in three months, and having a friend with a vote for the country districts, that best of men, and especial admirer of mine, E. T. Gillon, Esq., kindly backed ray little bilk Thank heavens then that is paid, and off my mind. A Poverty Bay paper just to hand announces in a “local” that Dr. Carr, if requested, will lecture gratuitously on “ Christ, the Great Apostle of Nazareth,” and then the paper adds : “This subject alone should draw a good audience, to say nothing of the masterly way in which it will be handled.” To comment on this would be to spoil it altogether. It is unconsciously better than Mark Twain’s scriptural diorama and its pianist. The editor of a country paper in Otago mentions with delight that he recently enjoyed the privilege of inspecting some thoroughbred horses, and assures us that “ half-an-hour spent amongst these equine aristocrats was a rare treat.” I have not the smallest doubt of it ; but I have a difficulty in believing that the editor found the society congenial. I should have thought that he would have felt more at home amongst thoroughbred animals of the same class as the one that exercised its conversational powers for Balaam’s benefit. The other day, I murmured in the hearing of a friend, O rus, quaudo ego te adspiciam and my friend said to me, “ Go to the Hutt." I may explain my longing for the country by mentioning that my last place, as I may call it, was on a respectable country newspaper, where I was only asked for a contributien once a fortnight, and was on the free list at the farmers’ homes during the intervals. So I went to the Hutt, and two decent fellows went until me. Illy measure of decency in mankind may not accord with that of others. I hold that man to be decent who at frequent intervals on a journey says the road is dry and requires moistening. Part of my journey to the Hutt was done by rail, and I am glad to have the opportunity of contradicting the untruthful reports that have been spread by enemies of the Public Works Scheme. The railway does not make so many crooks as a fiddler’s elbow, and the trains do go at a quicker pace than a snail’s gallop. From where the Public Works Scheme stops at present we travelled on horses. I was particularly asked to take notice, as I went along, of the cattle, but I found that compensation was a far more interesting subject than cattle. One of my companions pointed to a hill on which there was an eruption of small stones instead of grass, and said, “ Bill Smithers got £350 for the line going through that patch. He chucked a bushel of seed oats amongst the stones, put his old moke in there for a week, to trv a change of diet and to freshen up its faculties by hunting for the oats. Then he put in a claim for growing crops, besides hia freehold, and he bagged his £350.” Hearing this, I began to think that the people who had told me that the Hutt cattle were the mainstay of the settlers, had told lies, and that they should have said compensation instead. One of my companions having mentioned the facts abovestated, my second companion took up his parable as it were, and said, “ D’ye see that old shanty over there made out of bits of packing cases and empty sardine cases flattened out. Well, that belongs to Jack Jones.

And d’ye see those things like worn-out house brooms sticking out of the ground ? Well, those are what Jack calls his vines. The railway line runs through the vines, and within ten yards of the shanty, and Jack put in a piteous complaint that his picturesque and romantic summer-house would be rendered useless, and his local industry of producing colonial champagne would be nipped in the m bud. So he got £OOO. But that’s not so good as what happened to old Biler. He has a bit of land on lease, and he heard one day that the railway was to run through it,,and he blessed theGovermuent, for, says he, ‘lt’s bound to be worth more money a-year, and I can sell the lease and clear out of the infernal hole ; and he prayed every night after that —though he d never done so before—for the Government. But he prayed double one night, for that mornhe had got a letter to say that £3O had been allowed him for compensation without ever aP I promSd I the editor of this paper that if I went to the Hutt I would bring him back - some information, worth pubhshing, and, upon my horn r, I think I have kept my promise. I do not think so much light has been thrown on the subject of compensation before. I have a oreat many more interesting things to tell about the Hutt, but I do not want to make this article too full of useful knowledge, since, if I did, the one next week would be, in a manner, bald after it. So I shall keep the rest of the useful knowledge I have acquired, and get it out by degrees. The following petition has been prepared, and will be presented on Tuesday next ; To the Hons, the Members of the Legislative Council of New Zealand, —“The humble petition . ofE T Gillon,slioweth,— That your petitioner was elected a member of the Wellington Provincial Council lately, under the only circumstances that could have procured his election, namely, the refusal of anyone else to come forward. That your petitioner had hoped by his conduct in the Provincial Council to have disabused the minds of a great many people (including the Hon. E. Pox) who have conceived unaccountable prejudice against him. That a Bill now before your honorable House, entitled the Abolition _ of Provinces Bill contains clauses preventing the meetin" ’of Provincial Councils any more, ami thereby preventing your petitioner from accomplishing the worthy objects he had in view, and also preventing your petitioner attaining many little objects of a purely personal nature, which your petitioner had hoped to have attained in the Provmcial Council Your petitioner would therefore cray your honorable Council to take such action in this matter as may afford your petitioner relief in this respect And your petitioner, as in duty bound, will ever pray Mr Gillon is not to be left without support in his ' petition. As I have shown above, he has afforded me timely assistance m affliction s hour, and I am not the man to forget a kindness. So I have sent the following To the Honorable the Legislative Council,—The humble petition of the _ Intefflgent Vagrant ghoweth,—That the petition of E. T. Gillon is correct in every respect, and further more that your petitioner will suffer great loss by the preventing of E. T. Gillon from exhibiting himself in the Provincial Council, is jour petitioner had fairly calculated that E. I. Gillen’s so exhibiting himself would have necessarily involved the said Gillen’s makmgadonkey of himself at least six times a week, thereby affording your petitioner materials for fully half a dozen paragraphs in the article which your petitioner is accustomed to write every seven days for the instruction of his species Your petitioner would therefore hope that yonr honorable Council will be pleased to take E. T. Gillon’s and his cases into consideration, and afford them such compensation or relief as may to you seem fit. And your petitioner, asm duty bound, will ever pray. I think after this Sir George Grey and Messrs. Fitzherbert, Kolleston, and Macandrew may rest easy. The Upper House will never pass those objectionable clauses about Provincial Councils not meeting again.”