THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 4523, 18 September 1875, Page 2

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail.) Quls scit an artjlciant houierna: crasthm summto Xompora Di Sviperi.—Horace. There are a good many words in the English language the plurals of which give not a little difficulty to some people. The last week has brought one of these into prominence. Mr. Blatherskite, M.H.R., asked me on Saturday if I had heard of what had been done at the Caucasus. I said I .believed there had been little news from there since Schamyl's time. He said he did not understand me, but knew I was poking fun, and asked me if I knew where the Caucasus were. I said I thought somewhere iu Asia. He said, no, iu the Government Building, and at Tiuakori-road. Blatherskite reminded me in some respects of a worthy old gentleman well known in Cork some thirty years ago. His name was Andy Spearing, and some words confuted him. Thus, he was wont to speak of the " purloins" of the city, and railways then being iu their infancy, and their accidents not being amongst the incidents of everyday life, he was in doubt as to the proper word by which to express the violent meeting of two trains. So he used always say, "There was a collision or collusiou."

That i 3 an awful and unmistakeable warning of yours, Mr. Travers, in which you point out to the public that it may, by its own act, compel you to remain in the con/fortable seclusion of private affairs. But I think the warning is a little unnecessary. The public, by a very decided but by no means insulting act, some years ago relegated you to private life, and I am uuawai-e really that the public has as yet evinced any feverish anxiety to see you emerge from private life. I am glad, however, that youdcrecate the casting of insult and contumely at men who place their services at the disposal of the public. I am sorry you did not give evidence of your sincerity iu this line by disavowing a prominent supporter of yours, who not long ago was insulting and contumelious to Mr. Toomath. One thing, however, about you charms mo Mr. Travers, and that is your candid confession of faith. It is evident that you believe at least in one —W. T. L. Travers. Mr. Stafford has testified to the skill with which Government conducted the recent negotiations with the Opposition. I heard the exact situation described by my friend Plainway, in a manner that was less oomplimeutai-y to Ministers than was Mr. Stafford's. Plainway said, " Good lord I only fancy ! Grey, Fitzherbert, Macandrew, and Holleston at one side of a table, and Pollen, McLean, Atkinson, Bowen, and Reynolds on the other. Why, it wasn't fair. Them four old foxes," I am not responsible for Plaiuway's language, " could buy and sell the creatures." Mr. Magnet, of the Terrace, is a scientific enthusiast, and has intioeulated some of his children with his enthusiasm. Not long since he constructed a very serviceable and tolerably powerful plate electrical machine, and his domestic evenings have been iudeed enjoyable in consequence. By the aid of a stool, the logs of which are constructed of sodawater bottles, the eldest Magnet boy has been surcharged with electricity and shaken hands with visitors with astonishing and gratifying results. Shocks have been so often discharged into the baby's nose that expectation is confident of its ultimate growth into a being whom not eveu an earthquake will disturb. Of course, all this has been merely a pleasant blending of the instructive and amusing, but last Monday morning I am happy to say the electric machine was put to a practical use. Master Magnus Magnet (thesecondboy) requires the exercise of groat persuasion to induce him to leave his warm bed of a morning. Hitherto, the persuasion has taken various forms, from

a jug of cold water to a walking-stick. But on Monday morning a novel mode of persuasion was adopted. The electrical machine was introduced into the bedroom, and whirled into a lively state by relays of young Magnets who performed their allotted tasks with the most cheerful satisfaction. Then the positive and negative poles were, by means of chain*, applied to Master Magnet's head and feet respectively. That young gentleman shrieked, leaped frantically into the air, and fell heavily on the floor. He then used language of a kind which his father had never heard from his lips before, but which that father attributes to one of the as yet undeveloped effects of electricity. Having come to himself, he professed to have been even more interested in the success of the experiment that were his brothers and sisters. When they went to fetch out the electrical machine that evening for the usual scientific amusement, it was found that the vats and mice had been at it and broken it irretrievably. Mr. T. L. Shepherd has made a statement which, I feel certain, will excite pity for a respectable body of men. Mr. Shepherd assured the committee on the Abolition Bill that hi 3 style of oratory in Parliament was identical with his style of oratory when he was before his constituents. This should excite universal commiseration for his constituents. I referred somewhere above to caucus meetings. That word " caucus" has i-ecently been brought into such prominence that it lias become quite fashionable to apply it to all sorts of meetings. Last week the proprietor of an hotel had occasion to discharge one of his servants, who was very popular amongst the others. At dinner-time of the day on which he had discharged his servant there was no table laid and no food forthcoming. The hotel-keeper went into the kitchen to ascertain the cause, and found his do nestics assembled there. He was politely requested by one of them to withdraw, and on expressing a little surprise at being so requested, he was told they were holding a caucus to coudider what action they should take under the circumstances of their fellow servant's discharge. Of course, in this happy cotintry we know none of those enormities of overloading vessels, and sending unseaworthy ships to sea, against which Mr. Plimsoll so energetically agitates at Home. There is good care taken here not to clear vessels at the Customhouse if it be stated in their papers that they are about to carry a lot of deck cargo. This is satisfactory. My friend Chunks, master of the well-known coasting steamer Tinpot, says it answers all purposes and satisfies all parties. He first clears his boat without making mention of deck cargo, and then loads up her deck immediately before leaving the wharf. Thus no one can grumble. It is obvious that deck cargo carried under such circumstances as these cannot be dangerous. The law would not let it.

That correspondent of the Lyttclton Times who said Sir Dillon Bill was not a good Speaker must be an ill-conditioned fellow. It is, I believe, conceded by everyone that the House under Sir Dillou Bell's presidency is an exquisite contrast to what it was under former Speakers. It is twice as interesting. Firstly, Sir Dillon talks about 300 times oftener than did his predecessors ; and secondly, there is all the pleasure of uncertainty about him, because until the last it is impossible to tell whether he will not wind up by finding out that the member he was correcting was quite right after all. I am quite sure that Sir Dillon, as a Speaker, gives rise to far more interest than ever did Sir Charles Clifford or Sir David Munro. They did not argue to the extent he does, and what ■>• defect that was in them.