ENGLISH EXTRACTS.

New Zealand Spectator and Cook's Strait Guardian, Volume IX, Issue 923, 7 June 1854, Page 3

ENGLISH EXTRACTS.

How to "R.UTN a Piem\n. — Some time since (so runs the current narrative), the owner of a thriving mutton pie concern, which after much difficulty, he had succeeded in establishing with borrowed capital, died before he had well extricated himself from the responsibilities of debt. The widow carried on his business after his decease, and throve so well that a speculating baker on the opposite side of the way made her the offer of his hand. The lady Refused and thp enraged suitor, determined on revenge, immediately converte J his baking into an opposition pie-shop, and acting on the principle universal among London bakers, of doing business for the first month or two at a loss, made his pies twice as big as he could honestly afford to make them. The consequence was, that the widow lost her custom, and was hastening fast ,to ruin when a friend of her late husband, who was also a small creditor, paid her a visit. She de'ailed her grievances to him, and lamented her lost trade and fearful prospects. "Ho, ho," said her friend, "that ere's the move, 13 it? Never you mind, my dear. If I don't git your trade agin, there ain't no snakes, mark me — that's all !" So saying he took his leave. About eight o'clock the same evening, when the baker's new pie shop was crammed to overflowing, and the principal was below, superintending the production of a new batch, in walks the widow's friend in the costume of a kennel raker, and elbowing his way to the counter, dabs down upon it a brace of huge dead cats, vociferating at the same time to the astonished damsel in attendance, " Tell your master, my dear, as how them makes six and thirty this week, and say I'll bring the other four tomorrer arternoon." With that he swaggered out and went his way. So powerful was the prejudice against cat mutton among the population of that neighbourhood, that the shop was clear in an instant, and the floor was covered with hastily abandoned specimens of every variety of segments of a circle. The spirit shop at the corner of the street experienced an unusual large demand for "goes" of brandy, and interjectional ejaculations, not purely grammatical, were not merely audible, but visible, too, in the district. It is averred that the ingenious expedient of the widow's friend, founded as it was upon a profound knowledge of human prejudices, had the desired effect of restoring the " balance of trade." The widow recovered her commerce ; the resentful baker was done as brown as if he had been shut up in his own oven ; and the friend who had. brought about this measure of justice received the hand of the I lady as a reward for his interference.

Neapoliian Meiicy. — We find the following in a letter dated Naples, Dec. 4 :—": — " lam sorry to inform you that Baron Poerio, who has'now worn the ehains'of a galley slave for more thnn four years, is subject to fresh seventies, which, if continued, will ere long remove him from the troubles of this world. Hitherto the police authorities have permitted the ex-Minister to spend 10 durats (£2) per month for I such necessaries as his state of health demands. Orders have now been issued that henceforth he will be permitted to receive from bis family only onecarlino (4d.) per day. Now, the prison in which this victim of the Neapolitan Constitution is confined, at Montefusco, is so exposed, that without fire the prisoners would perish of cold, and 4d. per day will scarcely pay for wood ; independent pf which M. Poerio is in such a wretched state of health as to require many comforts ; such as are accorded to the very worst criminal are refused to the late friend and adviser of his Sicilian Majesty,"

A Hundred Francs fok a Joke. — Alexandre Dumas, in his Memoires, published 111 the Presse of October last, asserted that the late M. Etienne wrote, in the Constitutional el of 1534, a viJent article against his play entitled " Antony," in consequence of which the performance of the piece was forbicMen. M. J. Dumaine, nephew of M. Etienne, wrote to the P?-esse, to say that the article in question was not written by that gentleman, and requesting that the erroneous assertion thould be contradicted. The letter wa? referred lo i\l. Dumas, ami he wrote to the Presse, requesting that it should be published ; bnt he caused it to he accompanied by another letter, signed " P. Huet,' in which the writer, with great apparent solemnity, protested against a statement in the Memoires that he had once been nearly choked by swallowing the bone of a sole, whereas he said it was the bone of a trout which had cau'ed the calamity. M. Dumaine considered that this letter was intended to cast ridicule <>n his own, and he caused M. Dumas an.l M. Rouy, the responsible editor of the Presse, to b.e cited before thpjuge-de-paix of the 3rd arrondisement, and demanded from them 200f. each as damages. The case was heard yesterday — the jvge- de pahv dismissed the demand against M. Dumas, but condemned M. Rouy to pay IOOf. and costs. — Galignani.

New England. — " The people to a man are of an inquiring disposition, and they rarely let an opportunity escape of satisfying their curiosity, and whether ' located ' by the side of a native in a railway car, at a table d'hote, or any other place of general assembly, it is impossible to avoid interrogatory, and difficult to find reply — one instance is as good as a hundred. We were on a given occasion going from Massachusetts into Maine, when we found ourselves touching elbows on the same seat in a railway car with a thorough-paced Yankee, who instanth began the attack, by saying: "Think I seed you at the depot just now' (depot being : a synonymous expression with our Nation"), i ' Probably so ; we were there to procure a • ticket,' answered we. 'Where did yer take it out for ?' ' Well, if you are de-irous of know- i

- ing, for Portland,' was our reply. ' Goinaj - down to Portland, hey ? pretty considerable - town that ; a C'tv is nearer the mark, for they s are over 20,000 inhabit-int«, a;ul I'm blest if ii there aint some smart men among 'era, I can r tell yer. A Britisher, I gue^s, arn't yer?' c c Yes, we arc English,' was our rejoinder. s ' Well, our locomotives lick you'rn ; don't r they?' — 'I think not,' said we." 'Think they - do ; fifty or sixty in company is better than, 3 five or sis ; wood's better to burn than coal ; i an open car, with eight or ten window? to look - on each side, is better than a sort of sentry 3 box with only two ; and — ' here he hawked, and deposited his saliva on the floor, and continued ?o to do during the journey. •We never allow spitting in our railroads, 3 observed we. 'There we got yer agin. This is a land s o' liberty ; we do what we like, and wherever ' we l"ke to do it. Got some business, I guess, in Portland ?' — ' Yes,' we replied. ' Parchap's then, we can swap ; anything to turn a cent.' ' We don't exactly see how that can be brought about, because we are not dealers,' we remark- ' cd. 'A factor, then, I guess ?' — No, a lecf turer,' we answered. — ' Well, never mind ; ' that'll do. Give us a ticket just to hear what j yer've got to say, and I'll give yer half a dozea d — d good cigars to smoke afterwards.' "—" — Bunn's America. The following is an account (extracted from the i Times) of a machine recently invented in America, ? which has cxci ed a very great amount of interest. " The machine is of peculiar construction, being in fact a mechanical Nautilus, having the power of ascent and descent at will; entirely independent of suspension. In connexion with the machine at the surfice is a reservoir of condensed air, which, according to dfpth of water, may contain from 201b. to 120lb." pressure of air to tha square inch. This compression is produced by a powerful pump, capable of throwing 4,000 cubic feet ot air per hour. By an interior arrangement of tanks, &0.. a variable buoyancy may be given to the machine, capable of lifting weights of ten or more tons. It can be held in suspension at any point of ascent or descent ; thus allowing stones to be raised clear from the bottom, then transported and deposited in any precise spot. Movement is made in any direction by n series of three cables and anchors, worked from the inside. Ascent and descent are effected in a most rapid manner. This facility of descent, change of buoyancy, and power of movement under water) render this machine of great value for all submarine purposes. The while bed of a river may be explored from bank to bank. Treasure, peirl shells, corals, sponges, and all products under water may be easily gathered and sent to the surface without requiring the machine to rise. An arrangement or the machine permits the digging of trenches under water, by which telegraph wires and water pipes may be placed below the reach of anchors. Foundations of piers may be prepared, and then built upon, obviating all crane work for raising and lowering stone, as all work or lifting, transporting, and depositing is done by the machine itselr. An arrangement is also made for attaching camels to sunken ships, in ordpr to raise them by applying points of support directly to the timbers of tbe ship. In a word, the power of condensed air;, acting ss a -motor, docs tbe whole work, merely requiring two-men inside and one at the surface ro manige it, Mr. Le<=. eugineer of the company, entered with his men, and immediately commenced the descent ; depth of water 30 feet. He rose the first time in lour seconds from the bottom, jumping almost clear fom the water. Another dVscevt followed, and movement was made towards the stern of the North Carolina, rising again about 100 feet distant. The machine capable of holding 10 persons, was moved with one hand by Mr. CM'z, wlio volunteered to descend. A party of gentlemen then entered and descended, removing tbe cover (four feet in diameter) from the bottom. Owing to descent into tbe mud, the machine was started rapidly to the suaface, jumping nearly clear of it, and immediately disappearing. After remaining half-an-hour longer, tbe gentlemen, reappeared. The success of the machine was perfect. The experiment was private, to receive the opinion of some of our most talented officers of Engineers. Captain Hudson, Lieut. Boggs, and officers of the yard ; Captains Cullum and Gilmer, of tbe United states Engineers ; General Ward, B. Burnett, and Mr. H. S. Parke, of Philadelphia, as also a number of our first merchants and captains, were present. But one opinion was expressed — viz., that a practical machine for all purposes was obtained. The dimensions of this machine are 1 i feet greatest diameter in the centre, and 8 feet at top and bottom ; height, 8 fee' ; opening in bottoii to work through, 4 feet. The descent is attained by moving a single valve ; ascent, by moving one air and one water valve. The safety of this machine is great, a', cutting off the air pipp, ascent can be obtained by six different modes in one minute. Some weeks since the Hon.- Robert J. Walker, accompanied by his Excellency the Minister from Ecuador, Professor Jackson, of Boston, and a party of gentlemen, witnessed experiments at • Hell Gite,' Mr. Walker and -Dr. Jackson remaining below in communication with, tbe bottom at 37 feet (or more than half an hour. These gentlemen all expressed the same opinion of the machine as that of yesterday. The first Egmeers of England and France have endorsed us merits."

Why Masons should weaiittie Moustache. — In tbe Anatomical Museum of the Edinburgh College are the lungs of a mason who died at the age of forty-five, of phthisis. The air pa«sage% as shown by dissection, were literally Mocked up 1 by fine particles of dust — the acctfmulation of many years. We were glul to see, on our vivt to two or three different builders, that the London masons are now growing their beads pretty generally, that the fashion is gaining ground, and will soon in all probability become universal. The simple action t>i the moustache in such cases is that of a respirator, or, more correctly speaking, a species of sievp, for intercepting the passage «>f the dust. Besides the respirator having the effect of keeping the lungs clpar of foreign p3rticies, it has also the great advantage of preserving a steady ani eq'iable warmth aronni lbs orifice of fho a;r passages, But we have la'ely dwelt so much on this nvur.il- agent, that any further enhr -emeiH wmiM seem out of place. — —The Builder.

Nothing t.tke Imitation. — V hii'li" nf Dtin'fet 3 , pficr '.Mliiessinj the Lo ij .f'j^tice Gierk

pass sentence of death very impressively upon a criminal, happening to have a fine of eighteenteen pence to impose on an offeuder, thus boJeran]y addressed him :—": — " You mast therefore either go to gaol or pay the money, and the Lord have mercy*ou your bou! Y'—AutoMograpJtij of William Jerdan. Vol. IV.

The Good 01? Scolding and Complaining. — Where the nerves a r e painfully affected, whether from moral or physical causes, the patient should be encouraged to seek relief by external expressions of his woe. Merely speaking of it, indeed, produces a southing effect, which is by no means hiconbiderable. This is beautifully touched upon in Tristram Shandy, where Mr. S. lauuehes into a pompous dissertation on the death of his son, and discourses until llie boy is altogether forgotten. Yet I like still better what passed in the kitcben. When the fate of " Master Bobby" was canvas&ed among ihe servants, Trim remarked, the " Squire woul 1 get ease by talking, madame by crying, but that his puor master would keep it all to himself." But it is not the more kindly emotions alone of our nature which pass away in sounds. The angry passions obey the same law. Hence, those who horn their position in society caunot give vent to auimosiUies, are found to cherish their malbvolent feelings with greater pertinacity. The (ollovtiug anecdote which used to he related by the late Commodore Decamr, is in point. The Commodore was, it seems, born and reared among the Quakers. Conversing one day wuh a member of the taci- i turn seci, he touk occasion to compliment him, "that while the rest uf ihe world vsere jarring and wraoglmg, Friends never quarrelled." ** Thee art mistaken," was the reply ; " tbee art mistaken : the difference U uot so great as thee imagii.es. You quarrel wilh your tongues, •*ut we quarrel wub our gizzards," — Smith's Prelections.

Niiw Endowment oi? Romanism. — The ZJorning Advertiser states that "a most ingenious device is being resorted to, to get the Government 10 give its sanction to the principle of endowing ILomanisai iv a new form. The proposal made by the covert abettors of Popery, under the pretext of being the sincere friends of Protestantism, is that Popish Chaplains to gaols ami barracks should be paid by the Slate, — that is, for iaculcating religion as understood and interpreted by cue Church of Some, ou the minds of the Popish inmates of the former places, and ou the minds of those Roman Catholics who have enlisted as soldiers in her Majesty's service. We learu, with much concern, that even Lord PalmerstoCj who is believed to be the best friend which the cause of Protestantism has in the Coalition Cabinet, is supposed to be favourably disposed towards the , idea." j

American Travel. — The late celebrated Mr. Clay once told the following anecdote to a friend of ours : — Travelling in early manhood, and iv a public conveyance in a South-Eastern State, he found himself iv the company of three other persons, consisting of a youog lady and gentleman, her husband, and of a person muffled up in a cloak whose countenance was concealed, and who appeared to be indulging in a iete«a-iete with Morpheus. Suddenly a big, brawny, Keutuckian, got into the coach smoking a cigar, and frowned fiercely around, as much as to say, " I'm half horso, half alligator.; the yaller flower of the forest, all brimstone but the head and ears, and that's aquafortis." Iv fact, he looked as savage as a meataxe, and puffed forth huge volumes of btnoke, without reference to the corcpauy witiriu, especially of the lady, who manifested certain timid symptoms of annoyance. Presently, after some whispering, the gentleman with her, in the politest accents, requested tie stranger not lo smoke, as it annoyed Lis companion. The fellow answered, " I reckon I've paid my place, I'll smoke as much as I darn please, and all Hull sba'nt step me no how." With that he looked dangerous, and rolled his eyes round as fiercely as a rattlesnake. It was evident he had no objection to a quarre', and that if it occurred, it was likely to lead to a deadly struggle. The young man who had spoken to him shrank back and was silent. Clay felt his gallantry aroused. He considered for a moment whether he should interfere, but experienced a natural reluctance to draw upon himself the brutal violence of his gigantic adversary. In that lawless country, he knew that his life might be" sacrificed unavenged. He knew himself physically unequal to the contest, and he thought, after all, iv was not his business Quixotically to take up another man's quarrel, feeling pity lor the insulted, and disgust towards the insuber, he determined 10 take no notice ; when, very quietly indeed, the cloaked figure iv the corner assumed *n uptight position, and the mantle was suffered to fall from it without effort or escitement. The small but sinewy frame of a man, plainly dressed la a tight-buitoned frock-coal, with nothing remarkable about his appearauce, was seen, and a pair of bright grey eyes sought the fierce optics or tbe ferocious Kenluckian. Without a won?, this "Jay figure" parsed his hand under his collar at die back of his neck, and slowly aud deliberate'}' pulled forih a long, extremely long, and sintering knife, from its sbeaiii in that singular place. " Stranger," he said "my name is Colonel James Bowie, well known in Arkausds and Louisiana, aud if you doi.'t pat .that cigar out of the window in a quarter of a minute, I'll put this knife through your bowels, as &vie as death." Clay said he never iorgot in aftei -life the expression of lha Colonel's eyes at that moment. The predominant impression made upon him was the certainty of the threat being fulfilled, and apparently the same conviction impressed itself ere long upon the offender. During two or three seconds his eye met that of .Bowie, His was the weaker, and he quailed. With a curse he toie the cigar from between his teeth, and flung it scowling, but downcast, out of the coach window. Upou this, Colonel James Bowie as deliberately replaced his long knife iv its eccentric hiding place, and without saying a word to any one else, or even vouchsafing a glance at any one, refolded his cloak around him, and did not utter another syllabje lathe end of tbe journey. — New Quarterly Review.