GLEANINGS FROM PUNCH'S POCKET BOOK FOR 1853. GOOD SOUND ADVICE BY A SCOTCHMAN WHO HAS SEEM THE WORLD.

New Zealand Spectator and Cook's Strait Guardian, Volume IX, Issue 805, 20 April 1853, Page 4

GLEANINGS FROM PUNCH'S POCKET BOOK FOR 1853. GOOD SOUND ADVICE BY A SCOTCHMAN WHO HAS SEEM THE WORLD.

Never sell any old clotbes without patting a farthing in the waistcoat pocket, as the Jew fancies then that it is a soTereign, and gives you a much better price for them. Never burn year fingers, which yon tniy do, if yoa marry a woman of property, without inquiring what her property is first. Never throw a stone at any one until yon have looked to see whether there is a window behind, or you may have to pay rather dearly for your revenge. Never let your plate leave you at an ordinary, as there is no knowing when you may see it hack •gain. Never refuse at an evening party to see a lady to her carriage, as the probability is you'll save ■ cab by her asking you "if she cannot drop you on your way home?" Never leave your hat in the passage, unless it's a bid one. Never 'fix your own price, but leave it " entirely to the liberality " of the .genllemao, as the chances are you will get a great deal more by it. Never sit next to a young lady at dinner, for she only talks, and does not care about eating. Never be executor to a will, as it is all liability, great trouble, and no profit. Never quarrel with your wife, as you will only have to make it up> and to pay for tbe reconciliation in the shape of a box at the Opera, or a dinner at Richmond, or a- Cashmere shawl. Never mention you have received a legacy, or else some impertinent fellow will be asking you to stand a dinner. Never pay »o see a balloon go up, as you can see it much better by remaining ouiside. Never play «t cards with young ladies, for they are professedly given to cheating, and, moreover, never pay their losings. Never sfaod godfather, unless the family be exceedingly rich. Never travel without a corkscrew or lancet, as there's no knowing what you may gtiu by the civility.

Something like a Ball! —A fist ydong lady, who does not go to Almack's, alluding to the new buildings at the Electric Telegraph Office in the Strand, says " she envies that company, for they have a large ball all the "y*ar round, and they keep it up till one b'cloick!" — Punch. A respectable elderly Udy recently received • telegraphic despatch, purporting to be from her husband. She read it carefully, and then returned it to the messenger with the remark that it ctuld not be from her " Urge lord," for it was not In his handwriting! No explanation could convince her of her mistake.

Stop Him !—A Scotch gentleman pota the postage .tamps wrong way upon bis letters, and calls it with a tender feeling,—Turning a penny! — PmbcA.