THE RETORT COURTEOUS.

New Zealand Spectator and Cook's Strait Guardian, Volume VIII, Issue 692, 20 March 1852, Page 4

THE RETORT COURTEOUS.

[By H. B. Addison.] 'Alien Lord was Governor-General of India, the 117th regiment (I give this cypher because such a regiment never was seen in Ben-

gal, and I don’t choose to give the real number) was quartered in Fort William. Lord was a very great man, probably a very good man, but he was a sad tyrant, and sometimes was apt to fancy that, instead of the representative of royalty, he was royalty itself This was a mistake which occasionally led hini into errors.

Now, Colonel S , who commanded the 117th, was about as good an officer as ever wore a pair of epaulettes ; the regiment under his command one of the most distinguished in his Majesty’s service, were proud of him, and loved him dearly ; because, although he drilled them daily till they almost fainted, he never allowed any one to pass a slight, or do anything against the corps that he commanded. He is now a K.C.B. or G.C.B. Few officers have better deserved this often ill-bestowed honour. Col. S . j s a soldier, —as the word expresses it “ a soldier every inch of him.”

My Lord , who, by the bye, was a civilian, ordered a grand review, The iroops were drawnout on the Esplanade. The day was burning hot. The Governor-General could see, from his-vice-regal mansion, that they were awaiting him. His Excellency chose to remain longer than usual at tiffin ; the troops, having drooped for nearly two hours beneath the lingering rays of a tropical sun, were nearly worn out, when Lord came prancing out to look at them. It is a great honour to be looked at by a great man ; so the troops presented arms, and the officers dropped their swords. In a moment, however, the eagle eye of Lord beheld a flag, stiff, boll upright. He instantly despatched an aide-de-camp to command that it should be lowered. Colonel S respectfully declined, on the score that it was the king’s colour of the 117th regiment, and could only do homage to a member of the Royal family. “ Am I not the representative of majesty ?” “ You are, my lord.”

“ Then I desire that the flag may be lowered.” “ I extremely regret, your Excellency, that I' am compelled to decline complying with your order. The King’s ensign can only be lowered to Royalty itself.” “ Sir, I insist.”

“ My lord, 1 will not give an order contrary to the rules of the service, and the directions given me when I had the honour of being placed at the head of this gallant corps.” “ You shall repent this disobedience. I shall instantly refer the question home, and if you are wrong, I’ll have you dismissed lhe service.” Theenraged Governor-General, thwarted fortlie first time in his life, gallopped back to his palace,, where his anger considerably impeded his digestion. The 117th marched into Fort William,, well knowing they had made a dire and powerful enemy.

During the twelve months that elapsed for an answer from Europe, no officers of the marked: corps were invited to his Excellency’s banquets. Many petty slights were shown them ; in a word,, they suffered all the little grievances which superior authority can, when it chooses, inflict. At length the answer came. Colonel S was right. He had acted strictly according to regulation ; but a request was conveyed to him, that in future, as his Excellency seemed to jnake a point of it, he would lower the King’s colour to the Governor-General.

Each considered he had gained a tiiumph ; and the 117 v/ere made to march down to Calcutta. aga : n, to prove before the world at large, that Lord was to receive a bow from a red and blue flag, yclept the King’s colour. A review was ordered. The salute was given, and all went off well.

That evening the Governor-General gave a. grand party. He, as usual, commanded the band of the European regiment in the I'ort (the 117th) to be in attendance; it being the custom, in those days, always to strike up “ God save the King” the instant the great man emerged from the drawing room; occasionally, “See the conquering hero comes” was thrown in as a delicate compliment, while a flourish of trumpets announced each course in succession, and the military musicians delighted the ladies during the meal with several pretty airs. On the evening in question, Captain C (the aide-de-camp) stepped out of the room, and audibly pronounced, “ his Excellency.” This was a signal that Lord was banding down the first lady in company, and should have been followed by the opening crash of the national anthem. But, alas! not a sound responded to tba appearance of his lordship. “What’s this, what’s this, eh ? Is there no' band ?”

“Yes, my Lori,” tremblingly replied C “the band of the 117th regiment.” “ Why don’t they play ? Go and see. These men are sadly drilled, I fear,” blandly remarked his Excellency to the pretty Mrs. p. . The aide-de-camp returned. He actually looked pale with horror. “ Well, well—why don’t they play ?” “ They have not brought their instruments.” “ Not brought their instruments ! Stupid fools ! Tell them to go instantly and fetch them; and if they are not back in half an hour, I'll have them all punished. Here, you sir, you bandmaster, do you hear what I am saying ? Quick!” “Please your Excellency, I can’t.” “ And why ? Do you presume to bandy words with me ? “ No, my lord, but”— 111 have no buts. Be off, sir, directlv, and fetch your instruments. What could Colonel S mean, by sending the band here like a parcel of sticks ? I don’t want men, I want lhe music.” “ Please you, my lord, I was ordered to say, the men of lhe band are under your lordship’s command, and attend according to orders ; but the instruments belong to the officers, who purchase them by subscription out of their pockets, and they refuse to lend them to you.” “ What !” roared the irritated Governor-Ge-neral. “ It’s not my fault, sir,” ejaculated the poor ban l-master. We shall not paint the anger of the great man, or lhe joy of the officers at finding they had fully succeeded in conferring the “retort courteous” on lhe proudest, the haughtiest man that ever landed in Bengal.